New Ways of Loving :
How Authenticity Transforms Relationships

brief description:

     Explore new perspectives for creating
more open, free, & growing relationships.
In five sessions we will explore 8 themes:

The first session introduces the people to one another
and all of the themes for this seminar.

(1) recovering from romantic illusions;
(2) becoming more Authentic

(3) maintaining freedom in love;
(4) transcending pre-existing needs;
 
(5) preventing jealousy by becoming unique;
(6) becoming open to loving more than one person;

(7) reinventing sex;
(8) outgrowing conventional masculinity and femininity.

    Our resource for this seminar will be New Ways of Loving by James Park.
These 8 chapters available in class for $10.
Chapters 1-8 are available in PDF for $8.
(Chapters 9-13 are available in PDF for $6.)
Or you can buy the complete printed book in the sixth edition (2007) for $35.
(If you pay electronically and/or if something will be mailed to you,
extra costs will apply.)

    James Park is an existential philosopher and the leader of this seminar.


One-page course description:

New Ways of Loving :
How Authenticity Transforms Relationships

     This fresh look at loving relationships
challenges many long-accepted notions about love.
Do you agree with these new perspectives?

1. Romantic love is a cultural invention, not a natural phenomenon.

2. Our loving relationships improve as we become more autonomous.

3. Love is best when it arises from free choice rather than
    from preconceived patterns, expectations, & obligations.

4. When 'love' is directed towards satisfying pre-existing needs,
    the relationship is likely to become possessive, using, & jealous.

5. Jealousy is a learned emotion
    (based on comparison, competition, & the fear of being replaced),
    but we can transcend jealousy by becoming more Authentic (singular, irreplaceable).

6. If we are immune to jealousy, we can love more than one person.

7. Our imprinted sexual responses deeply affect our relationships.

8. We will love better if we move
    beyond our original gender-personalities.

     After the introductory session, for each of the next four weeks,
we will discuss two chapters from
New Ways of Loving: How Authenticity Transforms Relationships .

I. From Romantic Illusions to Authentic Loving
     Ch. 1 Romantic Love is a Hoax!  
            Emotional Programming to 'Fall in Love'
     Ch. 2 Loving from Authenticity

II. Loving Freely without Needing
     Ch. 3 Loving in Freedom:
            Choice & Flexibility instead of Security & Obligation
     Ch. 4 Loving without Needing :
            Seven Pre-Existing Needs and How to Transcend Them

III. Multiple Loving without Jealousy
     Ch. 5 Loving without Jealousy :
            As We Become More Authentic, Jealousy Disappears
     Ch. 6 Multiple Loving :
            Open Relationships Beyond Jealousy

IV. Loving Beyond Sex-Scripts & Gender-Personalities
     Ch. 7 Loving Beyond Sex :
            Transcending Our Imprinted Sex-Scripts
     Ch. 8 Masculinity/Femininity :
            Loving Beyond Our Gender-Personalities

     These 8 chapters cost $10—available at the first meeting.
They can also be sent to your computer as a PDF for $8.
Or you can buy the whole book in the sixth edition—2007—for $35.
(Plus additional costs if you pay electronically
or if a printed copy must be mailed to you somewhere on Earth.)

    James Park is an existential philosopher and author of the text.

PLACE:

DATE & TIME:

FREE OF CHARGE


This seminar as offered by the Experimental Educational Community of the Twin Cities (EXCO):
NEW WAYS OF LOVING:
HOW AUTHENTICITY TRANSFORMS RELATIONSHIPS

    A Facebook Group of the same name 
is the place to register your interest in this class.
You will be contracted thru Facebook when the face-to-face group is established.
Register under "Files" in the Facebook display.

    This gathering is not a lecture series, since the printed book is better
at presenting these new perspectives on loving relationships.
Rather, we have maximum discussion among the people
who choose to join this group of 10-15 men and women.

    How might YOU decide to join the next quest for new ways of loving?
First you look inside the book as deeply as you wish.
More than 60 pages of the text are available on the Internet.
As you read about romance, jealousy, sex, etc.,
does your mind light up?
Are some of the problems of your past relationships illuminated?

    Do you want to meet other intelligent, creative people
who are ready to overturn the cultural traditions of love that do not work?
The Introduction to New Ways of Loving briefly describes
how the old ways of loving are transcended
as we become more Authentic.

    And if you hope that becoming more Authentic will improve your relationships,
this seminar might become one place to encounter others
in a similar process of reinventing themselves.
When this self-selection process works well,
deep conversation about loving relationships emerges.
What self-selected group of people will next be drawn together around this book?
Who will soon be ready to begin the next phase of their love-lives?

    Here is a picture of some of the people in the March 2009 class.
Some of us are holding copies of New Ways of Loving.


An organized on-line discussion group:

New Ways of Loving:
How Authenticity Transforms Relationships

    This electronic alternative empowers readers world-wide
to share their questions about love and their responses to the book.
There is no charge for joining this electronic book-discussion,
but you will have to obtain a copy of the book and read it.

    The first 8 chapters will be discussed over a period of 8 weeks.
And a new electronic discussion will begin
whenever there are at least 20 new people
who want to discuss New Ways of Loving.

    Complete details will appear if you click those words.


Syllabus for distant learners:

Reading New Ways of Loving at Home
    If you cannot attend a New Ways of Loving class
and if the on-line discussion group does not suit you,
you can design your own study program.
Besides reading New Ways of Loving itself (the text for this course),
you might decide to delve more deeply into any of the themes
by reading other books reviewed in Love Bibliographies,
which are linked below.
Distant learners have the option of exploring the following
five additional themes not usually included in the face-to-face seminar:

9. Having children should be a choice rather than an assumption.

10. It is possible to have wonderful loving relationships without getting married.

11. Some relationships are improved if the lovers do not live together.

12. Relationship journals can improve communication.

13. Love will be liberated if we transcend existential loneliness and depression.


    The following 13 themes are the same as the 13 chapters of
New Ways of Loving: How Authenticity Transforms Relationships .
Distant learners do not need to follow the order of the book.
You can begin your independent study with any theme.
When responding by e-mail,
please separate your comments into specific themes,
using the numbers of the chapters,
so that your comments and questions
can be linked from the chapters below,
with responses from the author.
See number 8 below, under Chapter 1   Romantic Love is a Hoax!
for the first example of such on-line dialogue.

Chapter 1   Romantic Love is a Hoax!
Emotional Programming to 'Fall in Love'.
What is romantic love? Where did it come from?
Where does it go? Is it a fantasy that does more harm than good?

Resources:

1. Romantic Love Bibliography—The Best Critical Books .

2. The Romantic Love Test: How Do We Know If We Are in Love?
This test includes what is perhaps the first explicit definition of romantic love
—in the form of 26 defining features of the phenomenon: the A-Z of romance.

3. Outline of a presentation on The Romantic Love Test .

4. Outline of a presentation unpacking the dynamics of romantic love .

5. Description of a two-hour workshop exploring romantic love .

6. The first page of Chapter 1 of New Ways of Loving:
Romantic Love is a Hoax! Emotional Programming to 'Fall in Love' .

7. An on-line article summarizing this chapter:
Romantic Love is a Hoax! Emotional Programming to 'Fall in Love' .

8. When Was Romantic Love Invented?
This is an on-line discussion in Questions-&-Answer format
exploring the historical origins of romantic love.

9. The Romantic Love Portal
This portal collects many Internet resources
critical of the myth of romantic love.

Chapter 2   Loving from Authenticity.
Moving from conformity toward greater Authenticity.
The impact of Authentic Existence on loving relationships,
which is the thrust of the rest of the book.

Resources:

1. Authenticity Bibliography .

2. Outline of a presentation entitled
Becoming More Authentic: The Positive Side of Existentialism .

3. Course description for another course called
Becoming More Authentic: The Positive Side of Existentialism .

4. Authenticity Test (embedded in the first two chapters of
Becoming More Authentic: The Positive Side of Existentialism ,
a small book by James Park).

5. The table of contents of Becoming More Authentic ,
which will lead you to the first pages of several chapters of that book.

6. The first pages of Chapter 2 of New Ways of Loving:
Loving from Authenticity .

Chapter 3   Loving in Freedom:
Choice & Flexibility instead of Security & Obligation.
Are freedom and commitment necessarily at odds?
To what degree have we used love as a means of security?
What part does duty and obligation play in our relationships?

Resources:

1. The first page of Chapter 3 of New Ways of Loving:
Loving in Freedom: Choice & Flexibility instead of Security & Obligation .

2. An on-line essay based on this chapter:
Loving in Freedom .

Chapter 4   Loving without Needing:
Seven Pre-Existing Needs and How to Transcend Them.
Is love always based on prior needs?
Can we satisfy our own needs instead of using others?
What expectations are people usually trying to fulfill in their relationships?
Might we be able to love beyond our pre-scripted dreams?
Is it possible to love without clinging?

Resources:

1. Outline for a presentation on prior needs as a basis for love .

2. Outline for a presentation called
Growing in Love: Becoming Less Dependent and More Authentic in 21 Ways .

3. A small book exploring all forms of dependency:
Growing in Love: 21 Ways to Become Less Dependent & More Authentic .

4. The first page of Chapter 4 of New Ways of Loving:
Loving without Needing:
Seven Pre-Existing Needs and How to Transcend Them .

Chapter 5   Loving without Jealousy:
As We Become More Authentic, Jealousy Disappears.
How natural is the feeling of jealousy?
What are the root-causes of jealousy?
Does becoming more Authentic move us beyond the fear of being replaced?

Resources:

1. Jealousy—The Best Books .

2. Outline of a presentation called Romantic Jealousy: Cause and Prevention .

3. The first six pages of Chapter 5 of New Ways of Loving:
Loving without Jealousy:
As We Become More Authentic, Jealousy Disappears .

4. A brief on-line article on jealousy:
Romantic Jealousy: Cause and Prevention .

5. Resources for Dealing with Jealousy
An internet portal about romantic jealousy.

Chapter 6   Multiple Loving:
Open Relationships Beyond Jealousy.
For most people, open relationships lead to jealousy.
But if we have become immune to jealousy,
what do we think and feel about loving more than one person at a time?

Resources:

1. Multiple Loving Bibliography .

2. The first pages of Chapter 6 of New Ways of Loving:
Multiple Loving: Open Relationships Beyond Jealousy .

Chapter 7   Loving Beyond Sex:
Transcending Our Imprinted Sex-Scripts.
Where did our sexual fantasies come from?
How have our imprinted responses affected our relationships?
In what ways does sex help or hinder loving relationships?

Resources:

1. The Sex-Script Hypothesis—The Best Books .

2. Imprinted Sexual Fantasies:
A New Key for Sexology
This is another book by James Park.
Available on the Internet:
Outline for Imprinted Sexual Fantasies (4 pages).
This table of contents also allows you to read many pages from the book.
Synopses of the 11 chapters (one page for each chapter).
This book is available by mail-order from the publisher: Existential Books.
A much shorter version of the same ideas
will be found in the chapter on sex from New Ways of Loving,
which is resource # 5 below.

3. Outline of a presentation entitled
The Sex-Script Hypothesis: Imprinted Sexual Fantasies .

4. Outline for a presentation entitled
Variations of Sex and Gender: Six Phenomena Frequently Confused .

5. The first pages of Chapter 7 of New Ways of Loving:
Loving Beyond Sex: Transcending Our Imprinted Sex-Scripts .

6. An on-line essay exploring the concept of sex-scripts:
Sources of Sexual Fantasies .

Chapter 8   Masculinity/Femininity:
Loving Beyond Our Gender-Personalities.
What should we do about our original gender-personalities?
Can we love as our self-creating selves?

Resources:

1. Gender—The Best Books .

2. Outline of a presentation exploring the dynamics of gender .

3. The first page of Chapter 8 of New Ways of Loving:
Masculinity/Femininity: Loving Beyond Our Gender-Personalities .

Chapter 9   Why Have (More) Children?
We now have the power to control our reproduction.
What are our basic reasons for and against having (more) children?
What part should reason play in human reproduction?

Resources:

1. The Decision to Have Children—The Best Books .

2. The first page of Chapter 9 of New Ways of Loving:
Why Have (More) Children?  This page lists
about 30 reasons for having children and about 10 reasons against.

Chapter 10   Loving without Marrying.
Do we decide to get marriage or do we just assume it?
Twelve common causes of wedlock.
What is the future of marriage in our culture?
The pros and cons of the married life-style.

Resources:

1. Traditional Marriage—Best Critical Books .

2. Best Books on Relationship Contracts .

3. Designer Marriage:
Write Your Own Relationship Contract.
This book by James Park was published in 2010.
Designer Marriage:
Write Your Own Relationship Contract
is built around 28 basic Questions (and a few additional sub-questions)
that should be answered by anyone creating a relationship contract.

4. Outline of a presentation on relationship contracts .

5. The first pages of Chapter 10 of New Ways of Loving:
Loving without Marrying .

Chapter 11   Living in Separate Households.
Are relationships sometimes improved
when the loving people do not live together?

Resource:

1. The first pages of Chapter 11 of New Ways of Loving:
Living in Separate Households .


Chapter 12   Keeping Relationship Journals.
A written way to improve communication
between people in a loving relationship.

Resource:

1. All four pages of Chapter 12 from New Ways of Loving:
Keeping Relationship Journals .

Chapter 13   Loving in Existential Freedom.
Becoming more Authentic profoundly affects loving relationships.
But a special form of Authenticity goes beyond that:
freedom from our Existential Predicament—"Existential Freedom".
When we are released from our inner loneliness, insecurity, & depression,
we are empowered to love better than ever.

Resources:

1. Books on Existential Spirituality .

2. Our Existential Predicament:
Loneliness, Depression, Anxiety, & Death by James Park.
This book is the most comprehensive exploration of our Existential Malaise
and its solution. Parts available on the internet:
Outline of Our Existential Predicament .
This outline will lead you to additional information,
including the first page of each of 13 chapters.

3. Outline of a presentation entitled
Introducing Existential Spirituality .

4. Outline of a presentation entitled
Our Existential Predicament and its Solution .

5. Outline of a presentation entitled
Loneliness of Spirit: Deeper than the Reach of Love .

6. Outline of a presentation entitled
Existential Guilt: Deeper than Morality .

7. Outline of a presentation entitled
Existential Anxiety: Angst: Being Afraid of the Nothing .

8. Outline of a presentation entitled
Being Depressed in Spirit: Deeper than Psychological Depression .

9. Outline of a presentation entitled
An Existential Understanding of Death:
A Phenomenology of Ontological Anxiety .

10. First pages of Chapter 13 of New Ways of Loving:
Loving in Existential Freedom .

11. The following four portals have been created
for exploring these perspectives on our Existential Predicament:

Existential Anxiety: Angst

Existential Depression

Existential Loneliness

Existential Meaninglessness

    James Park is the facilitator of this class.
He is an existential philosopher and author of
New Ways of Loving:
How Authenticity Transforms Relationships.
Anyone may join the distant learning dialog at any time.
Send your comments and questions to James Park:
PARKx032@TC.UMN.EDU
He will respond to all communications.
Some comments from distant learners and his replies
will be selected to be posted along with this course description.
Links to these Questions & Answers will appear last
in each of the above 13 sections of the distant learning option.

    Pass the word to other Internet friends
who might be interested in exploring new ways of loving.

Created April 10, 2000; revised 3-7-2009; 3-12-2009; 3-15-2009; 3-30-2009; 5-25-2009; 11-6-2009;
2-26-2010; 3-15-2010;
7-7-2012; 8-30-2012; 12-8-2012;
2-12-2013; 8-13-2015; 11-29-2016;

Go to the website for the book:
New Ways of Loving:
How Authenticity Transforms Relationships

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