Loving in Existential Freedom

II. WHAT IS EXISTENTIAL FREEDOM?.................................... 226

III. HOW EXISTENTIAL FREEDOM TRANSFORMS LOVE... 227

A. From Emptiness and Need to Fulfillment................. 227

B. From Insecurity to Security......................................... 229

C. From Loneliness to Completeness........................... 229

D. From Depression to Joy............................................... 230

E. Other Dimensions of our Malaise
        —and the Way toward Freedom............................... 231

V. CONCLUSION:
        LOVE EMPOWERED BY EXISTENTIAL FREEDOM...... 232
 

    This book is especially for people moving toward Authenticity,
that is, for those who are focusing and integrating their lives
around freely-chosen life-tasks, fundamental projects, or pervasive values
by placing themselves in constant tension with our Existential Predicament.

    The second chapter mentioned a special form of Authenticity
in connection with Søren Kierkegaard's vision:
This 'Existential Freedom' does not arise
from merely acknowledging and embracing our Existential Predicament
but from transcending our Existential Malaise.
In Existential Freedom we live beyond and outside our Existential Dilemma.
And being free of existential anxiety, meaninglessness, and depression
changes loving relationships in striking ways.
But before we explore this new form of love,
we must clarify both our Existential Predicament and Existential Freedom.

I. WHAT IS OUR EXISTENTIAL PREDICAMENT?

    If we become sensitive to what is happening deep within ourselves,
we discover a pervasive mood-of-being which possesses us entirely.
To uncover this underlying anxiety, depression, and loneliness
is usually unpleasant and distressing—if not actually terrifying.
Therefore our Existential Malaise is usually hidden from consciousness.
But almost everyone has felt this inner condition in some way.

    When we first feel anxious, lonely, or depressed,
our inclination is to interpret it as a psychological problem.
And many bad feelings can be traced to specific causal situations.
But if we are struggling with our existential loneliness or anxiety,
we are noticing a phenomenon beyond ordinary psychological dynamics.
This Malaise is an uncaused, inward, existential 'trouble'.
And because it is such an obscure dimension of our beings,
no human language has developed any words for describing it;
consequently we must resort to psychological metaphors
for pointing to something even deeper than depth psychology.

    Over 50 of these psychological terms appear below.
To help distinguish these perspectives on our Existential Predicament
from the corresponding psychological problems,
the adjective "existential" might be added in front of each of them:

O U R   E X I S T E N T I A L   P R E D I C A M E N T

EXISTENTIAL ANXIETY, angst, anguish, dread
MEANINGLESSNESS
EMPTINESS, nothingness, nullity, hollowness, void, vacuity
PURPOSELESSNESS, aimlessness, lostness, rootlessness, forlornness,
abandonment, exile, dereliction, desolation, thrownness, helplessness, anomie
BOREDOM, ennui, melancholy, tedium
DEPRESSION, malaise
DESPAIR
SUPERFLUITY, de trop, extraness, gratuitousness, contingency,
non-necessity, accidentalness, inconsequentiality, nausea
ABSURDITY
SPLITTING, fragmentation, lopsidedness, disintegrity,
self-estrangement, dissociation
LONELINESS, isolation, alienation, estrangement, homelessness
GUILT
INSECURITY
ONTOLOGICAL ANXIETY, being-towards-death, anxiety of non-being,
having to die, fear of death, plague

     It must be re-emphasized that these are existential expressions
—not to be confused with their psychological twins,
which do have psychological causes, explanations, and solutions.
For instance, existential anxiety hides behind simple fear.
Existential depression lurks beneath psychological depression.
Existential loneliness tries to become longing for closer relationships.
Existential guilt will be found below moral conscience.
Existential insecurity lurks behind financial and emotional insecurities.
And ontological anxiety lies beneath the fear of ceasing-to-be.

     When examined in detail, these two inward conditions are distinct.
The human condition (eg fear, interpersonal loneliness, financial insecurity,
depression about something, and pangs of moral conscience) is psychological.
Whereas our Existential Malaise is beyond cause and effect.
The same words point to both the psychological and the existential problem.
But they can be distinguished from each other in five significant ways.
The differences between the Human Condition and our Existential Predicament
are carefully delineated at the top of the next page.

     We usually attempt to obscure anything that even vaguely resembles
our Existential Predicament by insisting that it is really psychological.
It is almost unbearable to notice our Existential Dilemma.
And when we get a glimpse of our Malaise, we may dive back into busyness
in order to obscure our Predicament and pretend we didn't see.