The old, traditional patterns of love in the Western world create problems.
This book challenges us to re-think all our assumptions about love.
And it presents a new vision of loving relationships
not based on romantic illusions, sexual attraction, or conventional marriage.
 
     Here is a synopsis of each chapter of New Ways of Loving:

     1. Romantic love is a cultural invention, not a natural phenomenon.
What is romantic love? Where did it come from?
Where does it go? Is romantic love a fantasy that does more harm than good?

     2. Our loving relationships improve as we become more autonomous.
Transcending our enculturation, becoming more focused and purposeful,
empowers us to love as the persons we create ourselves to be.

     3. Love is best when it arises from free choice rather than
from preconceived patterns, expectations, and obligations.
Have we used love as a means of security?
Are freedom and commitment necessarily at odds?

     4. When the purpose of love is the satisfaction of pre-existing needs,
we use one another; we become possessive and jealous.
Is love always based on prior needs?
Can we satisfy our own needs instead of using others?

     5. Jealousy is a learned emotion (based on comparison,
competition, and the fear of being replaced), but we can
transcend jealousy by becoming more Authentic (singular, irreplaceable).

     6. If everyone involved becomes immune to jealousy,
we can love more than one person at a time.

     7. Our imprinted sexual responses deeply affect our relationships.
Where do our sexual fantasies come from?

     8. We will love better if we revise our original gender-personalities.
How do we change our personality-traits—and love beyond the stereotypes?

     9. Having children should be a choice rather than an assumption.
What are our basic reasons for and against having (more) children?

     10. It is possible to have wonderful relationships without getting married.
Do we decide to get married or do we just assume it?
What is the future of marriage in our culture?

     11. Some relationships are improved if the lovers do not live together.

     12. Relationship journals can improve love and communication.

     13. Love will be liberated if we transcend our Existential Malaise.
When we are released from our inner loneliness, insecurity, & depression,
we are empowered to love better than ever.

INTRODUCTION for
NEW WAYS OF LOVING   by JAMES PARK                                              i

     New Ways of Loving is a revolutionary book.
It has been three decades in the making.
The first edition was published on July 4, 1976—a revolutionary date,
200 years after the American Declaration of Independence.

     Readers seeking support for traditional ways of loving must look elsewhere.
There are literally thousands of books supporting romance and marriage.
However, this book raises philosophical doubts about many cherished beliefs.
It then offers some challenging alternatives—based on Authenticity.

     The subtitle of this book is: How Authenticity Transforms Relationships.
Authenticity does not mean merely being honest, real, or genuine.
Rather, it is a technical term from existential philosophy and psychology.
Becoming more Authentic requires rising above all forms of enculturation.
Here we especially challenge the traditions for loving relationships in the West.
The second chapter outlines the meaning of Authentic Existence.
But there is also a companion volume that explores this concept more fully:
Becoming More Authentic: The Positive Side of Existentialism.
Part I contains an Authenticity Test of about 100 questions,
which are designed to help readers evaluate their own degrees of Authenticity.

     Abraham Maslow estimates that only about 5% of the adult population
are 'self-actualizing persons'—which is roughly equivalent to Authenticity.
But becoming more Authentic is a possible direction of growth for anyone.
New Ways of Loving explores how each aspect of love is changed
when we become more autonomous and Authentic.

A NOTE ABOUT FORMAT

     You have already noticed that the printed lines of this book
are divided not according to a standard length (such as at the right margin)
but according to the meaning of each sentence.
Each sentence begins at the left margin.
Longer sentences are divided at the place
where we would normally pause in reading aloud.
(And careful readers are encouraged to read the most important parts aloud.)

     Also each chapter has a different type-face or font
—selected to carry the themes and meanings of that chapter.

     A few common English words are spelled differently—without useless "ough"
Through is spelled thru. Throughout is spelled thru-out.
Though is spelled tho. Although is spelled altho.

     Thus, both the content and the style of this book break conventions.

BIBLIOGRAPHIES ADDED

     The fourth edition (2000) added and the fifth (2003) and sixth (2007) updated
the comprehensive, annotated bibliographies at the end.
If you want to know more about the themes introduced in any chapter,
turn to the bibliography of the same number at the end of the book.

ii      NEW WAYS OF LOVING:
HOW AUTHENTICITY TRANSFORMS RELATIONSHIPS by JAMES PARK

    The Introduction above for New Ways of Loving
was first published in June 2001—on the Internet. 
It first appeared in print on February 14, 2003—in the fifth edition.
If you own any earlier edition of New Ways of Loving,
feel free to download and print out these two pages to add to your copy.
The two pages above are the Introduction as it appears in the sixth edition, 2007.