How To Kill A Vampire Like A Boss

Film: Blade, Blade II

Weapon: Specialized Hemoglobin Shot

What's It Do: To a regular human being, this blue liquid in syringe is nothing more than an anti-coagulant. In layman terms: it helps stop bleeding from open wounds. To the vampires however, it winds up exploding them in such CGI awesome that even Wesley Snipes pauses to acknowledge the bad-ass nature of it.

We're sure the new Fright Night remake would be five minutes long if Colin Farrell had to deal with Wesley Snipes, who's still down to don the shades again if the story's right. We just hope this vampire slaying weapon comes back, since it's even cooler than a UV shotgun or stake launcher. It's a perfect example of why science and nature is forever deadlier than even garlic pepper spray.

Film: From Dusk Till Dawn

Weapon: A Pencil*

Makeup legend Tom Savini (Dawn of the Dead, Friday the 13th) plays "Sex Machine" in From Dusk Til Dawn and catches the bad end of a No. 2 pencil on his way to Hell. Sex Machine meets up with Gecko brothers at the Titty Twister strip club and everyone bands together to fend off some nasty vampire killers. Things don't go exactly to plan and Sex Machine finds himself with a pair of new fangs and a taste for Gecko blood... but it's what happens to him that makes him a legendary vampire.

The dude gets his heart ripped out and stabbed with a pencil, ensuring his doom. A pencil! Remember that next time vampires attack you while you're in a school. Offices have pens, so you're screwed if you get attacked during your 9 to 5.

Weapon: Ruler

Film: Buffy The Vampire Slayer
 

In vampire lore's longest death sequence ever (really, we checked) Pee-Wee's death at the hands of the original Buffy Summers is well-worth the wait. Doubly because it comes at the school dance and thanks to a ruler rather than stake, garlic or cross.

The fact Rutger Hauer is playing a violin in the scene makes it all the better. Adieu Pee Wee! May the...oh whatever, you just got killed with a ruler. That's what being a henchman gets.

Film: The Hunger

Weapon: A legion of mummified ex-boyfriends led by David Bowie.

If you're a fan of The Venture Brothers, you know there is no greater force in the world than David Bowie. Not even Iggy Pop or Klaus Nomi can stand up to his bad-ass nature. This is further proven in The Hunger ,Tony Scott's adaptation of Whitley Strieber's novel about Miriam Blaycock (always hot Catherine Deneuve) a female vampire who continues to take male lovers who have eternal life--just not youth.
 
Bowie is the latest of her conquests and discovers his sad fate: being stuffed into a coffin above her apartment with all her other boyfriends after he pulls a Logan's Run and hits over 300. Eventually, after hitting on Susan Sarandon, the mummy ex-boyfriends come back to life to throw Miriam over a railing and into the sunrise to finally get some rest.

Moral of the story? You can't stop David Bowie, even if you are an all-powerful vampire.