Scary Santas Spread Holiday Fear

Here's a shot from Santa's 1960s beatnik phase, where he hung out in the East Village writing horrible poetry and copping horse from Rudolph.

This Santa's holding on just a little too tight. In the next picture, he leaned over and took a long, lingering sniff of her hair, then stuck his tongue in her ear.

Don't scream. He'll kill you too.

How hacked off at life do you have to be to surreptitiously flip the bird in a family's treasured Christmas portrait? I bet this guy goes home, takes off the beard and beats his horse.

Let's get back to some classic kids getting the living hell scared out of them by Santa. He's got that thousand-yard stare, like he's going to crack a ribcage any second.

Okay, this Santa is pretty great, but the real star of the show is the terrifying stuffed bear in the bottom left corner. That sucker's just waiting for a demon to come take possession of it.

"Hey, looks like you've broken both of your arms and most of your body is covered in an itchy, uncomfortable cast! Why don't I just grab your dick for good measure?" Santa's a carer.

Where did his face go? Was it sucked into the black hole vortex that is his coal-dark soul? Or did the beard eat it?

Okay, when you see a Santa Claus who's shorter than the kids sitting on his lap, there's only one explanation: an elf killed him and is wearing his skin.