25 Ways Jason Statham Can Kill, Maim or Please You

There's never been a more convining reason to ditch your sh*tty old organic heart and go completely artifiicial.

In an attempt to keep his plastic blood pumper beating, Jason Statham resorts to his last option: screw his girlfriend in the middle of a horse race. Lucky for him, it was hard to pick up out of a crowd of horses. The man is hung.

We love Jason Statham when he's using his barehands to knock some motherf*ckers out, but put a pair of knives in his hands and he's deadlier than an Iron Chef.

Sly Stallone will try and compete with the man, but he's got nothing on a blade-wielding Statham.

Jason Statham's MIT Ph.D. in Physics never came in more handy than his do-or-die car stunt in Transporter 2. With only seconds to spare, Statham sends himself sailing off the roof of a buidling, twirling about, knocking off a bomb attached to the bottom of lands the car in one piece. I'd like to see Stephen Hawking pull that off.

Not only will Jason Statham keep you from scoring any goals, he will make you never want to dribble the football down to his side of the pitch ever again. Doing so could result in immediate head injury.