Gender Roles In A Virtual Society
by TheOtherRainMan, HSM team writer
“I find that it keeps the pervs away,” said one of my fellow Homelings about our Echochrome uniform at a recent assimilation.
As someone who had been her friend since the early days of Home, and before she joined Homelings, I knew what she was referring to. When I would hang out with her, we would get a steady stream of guys dancing “rock” right on top of her, and we often had to keep moving to different areas because she would recieve numerous advances. They ranged from somewhat innocent but flirtatious (“Hey baby. How’s it going tonight?”) to down right rude and scary (“u shuld ditch that loser and cum with me. u know u want it”).
As someone with friends who often frequent 4chan and Encylcopaedia Dramatica, I found myself shocked to see not only this type of behavior, but to see how widespread it was. When I initially came into Home, I knew there would be immature behavior, as with any online community. That was expected. With that said, I was expecting it to be mild, considering the fact that
- You have to be eighteen to get a PSN account, I believe, and
- Home was still new at the time.
Despite my extremely naive beliefs, I saw an incredible amount of disrespectful behavior.
Something I noticed, though: the fact that all the comments seemed to give off a vibe that they were hitting on girls so they could say they conquered another girl or ”add another notch to their belt”, in a manner of speaking. It was nothing more than a conquest. Unfortunately, we do live in a patriarchal society, and the fact is that women are often still viewed as objects or somehow lesser than men. We still, to some extent, ultimately believe that the man must lead. He must be the breadwinner. He must be the one that’s on top.
(Editor’s note: I’d love to see a man give birth. Wouldn’t you? Let’s talk “tough” for a moment.)
Why though? Why must men feel like they have to be number one? Why must the male dominate? Is it simply a matter of hormonal wiring, or is it culturally-taught behavior?
One of the best films of 2010 and one of the worst movies of all time seems to give a clue as to why so.
“I’m Your Future Husband – You Should Tell Me Everything!”
The sentence above is from The Room, Tommy Wiseau’s 2003 “masterpiece” — it’s been called the “Citizen Kane of bad movies” for it’s terrible acting, horrible camerawork, and its backstory involving Wiseau.
Wiseau’s background is mostly unknown; he hints to the fact that he was not American-born and that Tennessee Williams was a major influence. In this particular film, Wiseau is trying to recreate his view of the average American lifestyle – which includes having the man being the dominant one. The fact is that the media, especially western television and film, seems to reflect the sentiment that men are the dominant gender.
It’s something that has been happening since as far back as my little mind could remember. In the sixties, it was shows such as The Flintstones and I Love Lucy. In the seventies, it was The Brady Bunch and The Jeffersons. While shows starting in the eighties became much more socially conscientious, we still have shows like Everybody Loves Raymond and Modern Family which still sustain these roles.
“Final clubs. Not finals clubs.”
Despite Hollywood continuously pushing these gender roles, The Social Network, David Fincher’s brilliant film about the beginnings of Facebook, also examines the casual misogyny of the culture we live in.
First, Mark Zuckerberg’s roommate suggests an idea to compare girls to farm animals by putting their pictures side by side. Instead of farm animals, he decides to put pictures of girls with other girls side by side, and let people vote on them. This would eventually become ‘Facemash’. In the film, this scene is interrcut by a college party, which is gathering attractive females (like farm animals) for a wild Final Club party. This segment takes up less than ten minutes of film, but it says everything.
Within that small ten minute part, screeenwriter Aaron Sorkin established how gender roles have caused us to dehumanize women and ultimately turn the human race into a bit of a tragedy.
A Homely Impact
As I was doing research for the writing of this article, I began to reflect on Terra_Cide’s wonderful article, “Digital Abuse and Violence – Beyond Bullying” (which I strongly recommend you read). I was trying to wonder why men feel they need to be dominant. Why they must be the best. The very best. Why one would be driven to be violent towards someone they supposedly love, especially towards females. Is it out of insecurity? Or something else?
When I began to write the article, I was going to blame the media — ya know, what every person uses as a scapegoat when they can’t find something else. But as I began to write the article, I realized two things: first, there is always some truth, even if it is slight, in stereotypes. Any biologist or anthropologist will tell you that men and women are wired differently and built differently. Second, blaming the media is not a good idea, because the gender roles go back to the beginning of the species. It’s just something that was always there.
Even with saying that, people could still expect me to write a rah-rah-rah about how we must stop gender roles from existing and that we must abolish them.
The truth is that these gender roles are another part of our human psyche. To abolish them would be impossible and a waste of time.
Rather, I want to examine the importance of gender in a virtual society. Why does it even matter?
Here’s an example: ever watch a male in Home run from female to female, looking for someone to chat with? Why does he not stop and talk to any of the other solitary males? Why is he (typically) only drawn to women? In real life, there is the possibility of physical interaction; in Home, it’s all just a digital construct.
Is this why some males choose to cross-dress in Home? Just to get attention? I’ll wager if you asked these same cross-dressers to do so in real life, they’d think you were nuts.
Isn’t it interesting that gender-neutral outfits, such as the Move Controller “skin” for your avatar, are practically never worn?
I think it is safe to say that humans, in general, are a somewhat bestial species when the veneer of civility is stripped away. Home, with its comfortable anonymity, offers a very dark commentary on the immaturity of a lot of the people — particularly males — who populate it. This is the dark side of having a wondrous fantasyland to play in.
A theory on this, and it’s a thought that stems from IrishSiren’s recent article: is there so much misogyny in Home (and in real life) because it’s women who ultimately have the power?
Think about it for a moment. A reasonably attractive woman can walk into a bar, and if she so chooses, select a mate to enjoy for the evening with relatively little effort. A reasonably attractive man has no such ability; he must work much, much harder to secure a mate. How much frustration, thus, must be out there? Is the harassment against women in Home fueled more by anger than sexual desire? Is it further reinforced by the subliminal impotency of not being able to consummate relations with a woman encountered digitally, no matter what?
There is a brighter side to this as well, however. As DarthGranny mentioned in a recent article, Home allows people from both genders to do two things: make themselves more attractive than perhaps they actually are, and also experience what it’s like to be in the shoes of the other gender.
How odd must it be for a woman, for instance, to dress as a male…and be left alone?
How does a man feel, when crossdressing as a woman to get attention, to suddenly bear the brunt of constant male behavior which, in real life, is held in check by the threat of legal repercussions?
Home is as close to the classic definition of a sustainable anarchistic society as I think we can ever get. There’s practically no discernible police presence. There’s a general sense that people can get away with misbehaving and suffer little more than, at worst, a slap on the wrist. There’s little need to be nice to other people, and if things go wrong, you simply shed your identity and start over. Thus, civility is not really enforced. People interact with each other based almost entirely on their own sense of morality.
(And now I’m going to ask a doozy: is this part of the thrill of Home? The idea of surviving and thriving in a world where all bets are off?)
Yes, we can’t change the mindsets of everyone. There will still be stupid boys on Home harassing females. There will still be abusers, and yes, Tommy Wiseau and Mark Zuckerberg still exist. But if we can adapt a positive change in one person, then by George, good has been done. There is a line from Lost Horizon which has been cited several times on HSM, and it’s one I wholly agree with: “Be KIND to one another.”
We’re in this thing called life together. Let’s make the best of it. Home is a wonderful place, but Home is what we make of it.
Further Reading/Viewing
- The Social Network is now available on PSN Video Store
- The Social Network Screenplay by Aaron Sorkin
- The Room – Official Site
- Entertainment Weekly’s piece on The Room
- A Blog Post analyzing The Room
- A Superb Analysis of the gender roles in TSN
- A Great Article comparing TSN to Citizen Kane
- A terrific and hilarious critical look at The Room
- Feminist Criticism on the Gender Roles of Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (the Best Movie of 2010)
- Terra_Cide’s wonderful article “Digital Abuse and Violence – Beyond Bullying”
February 25th, 2011 by TheOtherRainMan | 20 comments
TheOtherRainMan, a.k.a. Rain, is a budding filmmaker, cinema lover and video game enthusiast ever since the PS1 days. When he is not fighting off his girlfriend's evil-exes, traversing The Grid, working for the Pawnee Parks and Recreation Department, or simply soaking in the latest terrible thriller, he spends his time on Home. He is currently a team writer and videographer for HomeStation Magazine. He is also pursuing a BA degree in Radio-TV-Film at Rowan University.
He can be contacted at rainman@hsmagazine.net
You forgot the most important movie -- Catfish.
Catfish may or may not be real, but provides a valuable lesson.
I also forgot “Gamer” which has scenes that resemble Home/Second Life.
2 more movies to watch, RainMan =m
You bring up a good point with Catfish, and you quite possibly gave me the idea for my next article.
As someone that did see Catfish and did consider using that when writing the article, I felt that Catfish adressed more of the interaction side of internet, not gender roles. It questioned the reasons why we do things online, like having our avatar look the way we wish to look or why we act differently. It also questions why we are so quick to believe people online.
The fact is my article only questions the place of gender roles within an online society, it doesn’t question how this anonymity with being online is any good or why men even hit on women via Home.
Again, thanks for your comments. Really got my gears turning.
I just don’t know how to really respond to this article. I mean, it is a great read but I feel there is more to this than just the Males on Home. Yes, most of them are rude and immature but I feel that [b]everyone[/b] contributes to these factors on Home. Most humans would either lack or simply feel this one thing differs with each individual: common sense.
If people were to use that more we would see a good turn around.
But overall, this is a great read and I enjoyed the presentation. Kudos!
you only have to be 18 for the master PSN acct. your sub accts can be younger and PS Home is actually 13 and up.
You have an excellent article here Rain. I rarely if ever change into a male avatar and if I do it is to be funny. As a woman in Home I have seen it all, and I agree with what you have said here. Being older than most, I am able to handle the kids in here fairly well, but I have seen guys really upset girls in here. And I think your question about the anonymity is probably right on the mark. Many people feel they can get away with murder in here and it is part of the thrill of it to some.
Man has dominated the world for the entirety of its history, it is the truth and mostly based on physical strength not mental ability. They are the “stronger sex”, but when they feel they can use that strength to dominate or harass women, I believe it is a true sign of weakness. Like you said we are all on this planet and in this place called Home together, why can’t we get along and be kind to one another?
First off, thank you for the lovely comments and I loved your last article about glitching.
“They are the “stronger sex”, but when they feel they can use that strength to dominate or harass women, I believe it is a true sign of weakness”
I remember reading somewhere (or hearing this from someone) that whenever we insult someone, we are really insulting ourselves -- we are just projecting it onto someone else.
Thus, whenever we boys get rejected and we spew insults at females,the insults are really about how we were unable to live up to the “cultural norm” and we ultimately blame you -- the female.
Am I making sense?
As for blaming the media u were wise to change your point of view on that after reflecting on it.The aggression males display against females in this day and age is similiar to the way males in the old days treated other males that were “custodians” of females(fathers or other older male relatives).Those”custodians”had the power to decide who the female was going to be with(talking about western civilizations mostly here)so it’s not surprising to me that this may be hard wired into males but what is surprising to me is that there so many males that haven’t realized that those days are over.Women(for the most part)don’t respond well to strong armed tactics.The silver tongue will get u far more female attention than an iron fist,at least in my observations,and quite often trying to man-handle females will work against you.Now that women are their own masters and control who they are going to spend time with some males continue to use the same old methods,intimidation,bluff,confrontation,and bribery,which is the most successful of the old ways to be used today.After enough failures the males in question will get it and change their approach but some people are just slow learners.
“After enough failures the males in question will get it and change their approach but some people are just slow learners”
The fact is some people don’t learn at all. There are people thick enough out there that they ultimately keep thinking their ways will ultimately prove positive.
Why? They saw older generations do it and they figured if it worked for the old man, it will work for them.
As for the media, I still think they have at least a small factor in why these gender roles exist. A majority of shows on feature characters in the standard roles, but then again, a lot of these shows seek to recreate average.
Thank you for your thought provoking comments.
Lol,well if they don’t learn we can take comfort in the hope that their own personal stupidity won’t get passed on to the next generation.As for the media,they may show things a certain way but i think people place too much importance on what the media is showing in relation to morals,and your welcome for the previous comments and thank you for this article it brings up many good points.
Very nice job, Rain. This is a subject that can use a lot of exploration. And HSM is the place to do it.
Here’s a little thought experiment for you, which may clarify what’s going on in Home.
Why is the “f-bomb”, a word which describes an act associated with love and intimacy, used as an attack? Why is “eff you!” the ultimate verbal slap in the face? So ultimate, that I choose not to spell it out, even in this mature and literate venue.
Truth be told, in the deep animal unconscious we all carry, for most males the act of sexual penetration is not about love, but about domination. That is why rape is not so much a sex crime as a forcible humiliation. That is why mass rape is a tool of war. And it’s why there is less prejudice against the active than the passive partner in homosexual encounters, especially in male-dominated societies. (“He’s so macho, he f*cks other men.”)
So how does this apply to Home? Those silly boy-avatars who dance on top of you are not looking for love, and any sex they find is likely to be solitary. They are after ego-gratification, proving they are superior to the drivers of the other avatars because they can imply they have sexually dominated them.
This is why these encounters are so deeply offensive to women on Home. We know what is being stated: “I’m a dood and you’re nothing, bitch!” And it’s why finding a respectful and affectionate male in Home, one who is actually trying to meet the woman behind the avatar, is so precious.
And before you roll your eyes — yes, those men are out there. They’re just outnumbered a gazillion to one by the boy-children whose minds are on permanent default, no matter what their avatars are wearing.
Thanks for writing this, Rain. You’ve given me a lot to think about.
“So how does this apply to Home? Those silly boy-avatars who dance on top of you are not looking for love, and any sex they find is likely to be solitary. They are after ego-gratification, proving they are superior to the drivers of the other avatars because they can imply they have sexually dominated them.”
We have a winner!
That’s what I was hopefully trying to get across. They know they’re not getting anything real. They just want to feed their egos in thinking how they can get any girl they want -- when we all know that’s not true for most men.
Thank you Seal for your thought provoking comments.
When I gave birth to my son, my midwife said that giving birth was the physical exertion equivalent to climbing Mount Everest. So, Norse and your fellow males, anyone up for a nice little mountain climb?
You know, whenever I read one of these articles involving the genders, I keep hearing Joe Jackson’s Real Men playing in my head.
In light of the current events involving homosexuals in the military and their right to marry, we as a society really are being asked to decide whether or not the traditional male-female pair bonding and gender roles are all that significant now. Yes, in the biological sense, it’s necessary in order to perpetuate the species, but to raise that resultant family? There’s plenty of single parents out there -- and I’m one of them -- that suggest otherwise, and so does it really matter if the pair raising that child are of the same gender?
The science is still quite in its infant stages, but studies are showing that the resultant children brought up in a homosexual family aren’t as likely to be hard-wired as adults to accept the traditional gender roles that males are supposed to do “X” and females are supposed to do “Y”. So it becomes another nature versus nurture debate.
I think it’s absolutely spot-on your assessment that due to the lack of visible policing in Home, people feel they are free to behave pretty much in any manner they choose. Which is why you see the prevalence of what I call the “Angry Young Man Syndrome.” And then on the other end of the spectrum, you have the people who do bend the gender lines because it is so easy to do on Home, and their reasons vary and DarthGranny has already covered them, so I won’t go into them here.
And to understand the f-bomb and why it has such a dichotomy attached to it, you have to think back linguistically to what it originally stood for: For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge. There was nothing intimate or romantic about it to begin with. In the Puritanical days, people were put on public display in stockades with those words etched over their heads. It’s an acronym of shame.
This is a brilliant read, RainMan, and I thank you for writing it.
The “For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge” etymology is a myth, I fear. There’s a ice article on the subject over at Snopes:
http://www.snopes.com/language/acronyms/fuck.asp
See also:
http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=fuck
Thank you for the interesting read!
Here in the northeast, we tend to blame the Puritans for deeming every and any sexual act as taboo (as well as marginalizing women), and such an acronym seems congruent to their outlook on just about anything of that nature.
Unless something has changed, in North America you only need to be 13 to legally have a sub-account and use PlayStation Home. In the past I’ve suggested the age limit should be raised to 16 for North America, as it currently is for the EU Home.
First, my apologise for my english!
There is a majority of young men who use HOME, even very young …
This is a fact. and for them, women remain a mystery if not a fear.
The more the female avatar display sexual characteristics, the greater the risk of the reaction of males will be violent.
I think that all these acts are not the original purpose of hurting, but simply fear of the thing that attracts you.
When I want to be no one or nothing in the HOME, I took a male avatar ^ ^
(Editor’s note: this comment is from a reader in France. I have only minimally altered it.)
Very interesting read!
Female avatars are best base for creating alien-like facial features. The ability to use a small frame helps as well. The chances of running into the female nosdrugis avatar in Home are pretty good. Would the pilot of the nosdrugis avatar cross dress in stupid real life? Likely not. Would have to be a very special occasion. Would he wear a female alien suit? Likely.
I’ve actually been harrassed by a guy in Home. I was in my regular male punker getup and was approached and sexually harassed like I have heard and have seen female avatars being mistreated. This went on for about ten minutes. I kept my reactions to this guy fairly minimal as a chance to experiment with this phenomenon as a male avatar. When I finally just simply said, “Dude, I’m not gay” he repiled ” Oh, I’m just joking dude” and then he quickly ran away. No more cursing. No more sexual comments. Just poof! I just stood there as he disappeared into the aether. I actually thought this was pretty funny and admittedly would have wanted to kick this guy’s ass in real life for being a prick (yeah, I know, testosterone), but it got me thinking that maybe there is a small cadre of gay males that do this same thing to other gay males. I did have a laugh that maybe my punker outfit looks gay though! I like it so it stays!
I guess the botom line here is that gay or straight male humans are wired like male humans. We are animals after all. This is quite apparent in the animal kingdom and nature. The female lion will always do the hunting while the male lays lazily in the grass. When she returns with the kill he will always get the first bites. The female praying mantis will always eat the male after mating. This will always happen. These animals are wired this way. The only difference is that we humans like to think of ourselves as a higher lifeform (I had a cosmic nightmare about this once!) because we have classified parts of our minds as ego and super ego. The ego is our basic instinct as an animal. This is what causes all of the violence and unwanted sexual advances towards women and apparently gay males. Our super ego, for the majority of us, keeps this in check. Those puritans did a good job of using the guilt of sin to keep things in check. So does the church. Guilt requires a super ego in order to work.
Bottom line is that even if you think we overcome it through dialog these thoughts and instincs are always present. They will not go away. They can only be controlled. It’s just some people have a stronger will for self control than others.
Good article. Can’t wait to read more of your stuff.
I have been on Home for awhile and I’m always in a female avatar. I only own one male outfit which is the Infamous Cole outfit because of downloading the demo. Even though I get harassed daily I try to stand firm about trying to not get scared of being a female on Home. But when I read all the “why you should cross-dress on home” articles, I wonder would the grass be greener on the other side? Any input would be great. Thank you in advance.