Digital Abuse and Violence – Beyond Bullying
![abused_by_revaa[1]](../../../../img.hsmagazine.net/2011/02/abused_by_revaa1.jpg)
by Terra_Cide, HSM guest contributor
When I was a little girl, I was my father’s daughter.
This is not to be confused with being “daddy’s little princess.” I was far, far too tomboyish to ever have the label “princess” and I think I would have decked anyone who dared to even call me that (or at least try).
Nor was I the typical sporty tomboy, either; although I did learn to appreciate the finer points of football before I was old enough to be in school, and even I had a Pittsburgh Steelers shirt once upon a time (hey, it was the 70’s!). My dad taught me how to make my own bow and crossbow, how to fletch an arrow, and although he no longer hunted at the time (he was/is a firm believer in hunting out of necessity only), I learned how to track. I learned how to check the fluids in my car, check my tire pressure, and how to change a car battery. In the rain. In January. In northern New England. I learned all these things long before I ever learned how to cook a decent meal that didn’t involve a microwave. That came much, much later.
Enter now in my early twenties. I was living in southwest Florida at that time, where the average age is about 55. What’s a girl to do to find some decent, fun interaction with her peers? I was working full time in an effort to help my family out, so school wasn’t really in the cards for me. And the skin market that is Florida nightlife in general really wasn’t my cup of tea either.
Yet there was an alternative. There was this lovely invention, “the Internet,” and with it one could interact as much or as little with the outside world as one wished.
Now, I have always been a rather computer-savvy person. Much like Henry Ford claiming a person could learn how to drive a Model T in a day, I too could be sat down in front of either a Mac or PC and quickly have a pretty damn good sense of its ins and outs without turning the processor and chips into steaming piles of molten silica. So it was very natural for me to gravitate to this new media.
And oh, how my eyes were opened! To know that there were people, real people, who were sitting in front of their desktops just like myself, talking about the exact same interests I shared.
This was a novel experience for me, as not too many people in my real world ever showed any interest in some of the things I was secretly passionate about. A girl who grew up in rural Maine with a penchant for anime (thanks, adolescent insomnia!) was just unheard-of nearly twenty years ago. But with the internet, I could find someone halfway across the world to chat about such things. And not just a someone, but many someones. I threw myself into music forums (or bulletin boards – bbs – as they were called at the time), literature forums, car forums, and really got involved with the communities there. There are relationships from those forums I built that, to this day, I still maintain. The fun nights in private chat rooms, sharing just simple day-to-day bits of our lives with one another was a pleasant respite from the nine-to-five drudgery. I will always look back upon those times with fond memories.
Now, at those times, it was mainly just twentysomethings and thirtysomethings who were avid users of the internet. Online access wasn’t precisely the necessity it has become today. And it was expensive and slow, too. So the communities were still rather small and manageable; and the majority of the participants were pretty good at self-policing, since the rapport was like that of a 1950’s small town. Everyone in an online community knew everyone else’s digital persona. And if a member crossed the line in the community (egregiously arguing with another member, harassing, or trolling), they were dealt with by the community at large; much like in The Lottery, but without the human sacrifice.
And given the mean age of the user base, there was much hormone-influenced behavior.
Yes, folks, I hate to break it to you, but eHarmony and Home did not invent digital dating. Care to guess how many of the arguments I saw in those early days of internet communities were based on the following: males fighting over females, females calling each other names I’d rather not repeat because one objected to how another would string multiple males along by their digital noses, known couples (who were dating online) in the group airing out their grievances for all and sundry to see?
I’ll tell you. It was too many. And they got ugly. Just as ugly as you can imagine when there’s no real threat of lawful intervention.
Fast forward once more now to the age of Home. Here, online relationships rise and fall like stocks on Wall Street. And as it’s been mentioned here on numerous occasions, because of its “freemium” nature and the scarcity of policing by Sony itself, the acts of atrocious behavior go beyond the pale from what I had seen ten years ago. Given the fact that we are now interacting in a real-time, three-dimensional space, it’s really no surprise that it would be worse. Also too, access to the internet has now almost become a God-given right in the eyes of some people. So there are more people online — some who really ought not to be out in society at large, let alone a virtual one.
It’s still shocking though, to see a couple — who, just days prior, were cozily sitting together on a bench at Irem’s festival space — to be railing at each other in the Mall, and for one (usually the male) to constantly harass the other for days after, even after being removed from the friendlist, because they share common friends, or because they go to the same spaces all the time.
We human beings are creatures of habit. Who knows what goes on in the private messages that aren’t seen in public, but I can imagine it’s even worse. Those put-downs, the threats, the name-calling…none of these things are censored in a private message. Nor is it censored in a mic chat. And while the choice is there to ignore, block, delete and report, some don’t. And even if they do, there is nothing to stop that other person from creating a new account, and through mutual friends, get themselves back into that person’s life.
And the honeymoon period begins. The “I’m so sorry, it will never happen again” lines of attrition, the gifts, the “I love you” private messages go on until you feel like they genuinely mean it (this time). Once you’ve been lulled into that false sense of security, the cycle begins anew. The tension, the disputes, and the humiliation all start up once more. And try as you might, that person isn’t going to change. Nor would they change, even if the relationship was occurring in the real world.
This is how dating and domestic violence starts.
Think it doesn’t happen in Home? Guess again.
I can clearly remember a conversation I had with a friend of mine about a year ago with regards to her own relationship going on at the time in Home. She is ten years my junior, and the things that came out of her mouth…I could barely believe what I was hearing. And then came the kicker:
“I told him,” she said, “I told him that he has to tell me to ‘shut up, b—-‘, because I run my mouth off and that’s what I need to be told. Even my real life boyfriends have had to slap me and tell me to shut up because I talk s—.”
I was rendered speechless.
Now, I know what some people are thinking: girl had it coming to her, if she said that. That’s sadly the social norm, you know, to publicly denounce such sickening behavior (“Men who hit women aren’t men,” you’ll say to the world at large), yet privately condone it.
And I’m here to defy that, and say, no, she didn’t have it coming to her. No one does. Not in Home, not anywhere. Because that is not acceptable behavior and the silent acceptance of this behavior – in Home and in the real world – has to stop.
If you see someone in Home acting abusively to someone, chances are that they aren’t just doing it because there’s no risk of consequence for their actions. They’re probably doing it/have done it, personally experiencing/experienced it, witnessing it, or have witnessed it in their real life. While obviously, there’s no statistical data to back this claim up, here are statistics worth noting and seeing how they pertain to the populace of Home. (Statistics courtesy of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV),JAMA, the U.S. Bureau of Justice and the Domestic Violence Resource Center of Oregon)
- Nearly three out of four (74%) of Americans personally know someone who is or has been a victim of domestic violence. 30% of Americans say they know a woman who has been physically abused by her husband or boyfriend in the past year.
- 85% of domestic violence victims are women.
- Between 600,000 and 6 million women are victims of domestic violence each year, and between 100,000 and 6 million men, depending on the type of survey used to obtain the data.
- Women ages 20-24 are at the greatest risk of nonfatal intimate partner violence.
- Men and women engage in overall comparable levels of abuse and control, such as diminishing the partner’s self-esteem, isolation and jealousy.
- One in 12 women and one in 45 men will be stalked in their lifetime, for an average duration of almost two years.
- Approximately one in five female high school students reports being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner.
- Only approximately one-quarter of all physical assaults, one-fifth of all rapes, and one-half of all stalking perpetuated against females by intimate partners are reported to the police. Most cases of domestic violence are never reported to the police.
- On average, 21% of female victims and 10% of male victims of nonfatal partner violence contact an outside agency for assistance. Of those females and males contacting an outside agency, 45% contact a private agency.
- On average between 1993 and 2004, children under age 12 were residents of households experiencing intimate partner violence in 43% of incidents involving female victims and 25% of incidents involving male victims.
- Studies suggest that between 3.3 – 10 million children witness some form of domestic violence annually.
Kind of gives the headbanging, pseudo-punching you see going on in Central Plaza a more ominous tone, doesn’t it?
As been observed, it isn’t just the random, annoying kids that are the biggest offenders. Adults are just as guilty of behaving badly in Home. And while it’s rather pathetic to see someone get their kicks by harassing a complete stranger online, it gets downright abhorrent when the perpetrator is acting out on someone whom they have become quite familiar with.
So, you’re thinking, how do we identify these things? How do we circumvent them?
That answer is just as mixed as the solutions to the myriad of other social problems we see on Home. The biggest of these is, as has been mentioned, is Sony itself seeing it for what many readers and writers here believe; that Home is a real-time, social networking and interactive platform.
It’s not Sony’s responsibility to tell you how to behave, beyond enforcing its own terms of service. However, it can be easily argued that Sony does not presently offer nearly enough in the way of deterrence or anti-harassment tools. Home is not just a place for gaming; it is a virtual society, and the problem is that it presently is a society with practically no visible police presence or other deterrence to keep bad behavior in check. Aside from any argument of moral reprehensibility, this also constitutes an untold sum of lost revenue from users who simply don’t want to participate in a world that allows abusers to roam unchecked. For all of Home’s wonders and amusements, this is its greatest failure.
The other responsibility starts with you. And it must begin not in Home, but in your everyday life.
And I don’t mean just exercising prudence in choosing whom to be intimate with online and in real life. I mean recognizing the problem for the scope of it, and resolving to be part of the solution.
Did you know that it is more socially acceptable to abuse the person you love than it is to drive drunk? The NCADV isn’t nearly as high in the social conscience as MADD is. No organization for the prevention of domestic violence and abuse is. The methods in which law enforcement handle such calls are completely different from the way they were just thirty years ago, and still, not all are quick enough to change. Even the abused themselves (I loathe to use the word victim) are reluctant to step forward, for fear of disbelief — or worse, repercussions. Even still, there are many things that constitute abuse that no one even realizes.
And the abuse doesn’t restrict itself to the real world. Abusers can be found looking for their next victim anywhere; even if the relationship is one that never goes beyond the virtual world, it can still have long lasting effects, and present danger and risk to the abused. Just as Home offers an boundless, wondrous opportunity to become anyone you want, even for just a little time, so too can it turn into a tortuous hell for someone caught in the web of an abusive cyber relationship.
It is up to the individual to stand up to this: not just in our home away from Home, but when you turn that PS3 off and step outside your home. Or perhaps within your home. I don’t know your situation. But I will tell you, it’s worth it to the person you help, even if that person is yourself, to stop the cycle.
If you want to end the abuse in the virtual world, it must first end in the real one.
For more information:
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence – 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) 1.800.787.3224 (TTY) (Available 24 hours a day)
Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs (You can find the Power and Control Abuse Wheel here)
February 5th, 2011 by Terra_Cide | 29 comments
Terra _Cide is the former Community Manager for Lockwood Publishing and Editor Emeritus for HomeStation Magazine.
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Wow Terra, that hit the nail on the proverbial head. I myself had a physically abusive relationship when I was 18 til I was 20 or so. Then I saw the light and got out while the getting was good and never allowed that type of person in my life again. I was lucky enough to come out of it without any permanent scars, emotional or otherwise, but many are not.
I would stand up in a heartbeat if I ever witnessed any sort of this abuse in Home or in real life, in fact I have already in real life once. You are right in saying that the buck stops here, right at our virtual feet, and we need to pick it up.
It is sad to think that people feel that they can hide behind their controllers and do what they wish with no repercussions. Sony does need to come to the realization that this has gone way beyond a gaming platform and take the appropriate steps to help those in need, they need to uphold their own rules about abuse.
Thanks for writing such a sensitive and informational article about this sensitive and controversial topic, well done!
You were one of the lucky ones who got out early as you did, and good on you for doing so. It took me eight years before I saw the light, and while I know that still isn’t all that long of a timeframe, if it wasn’t for the help of some very dear friends, it probably would have gone on much longer. Perhaps for the rest of my life.
Sony’s EULA for Home is, in a very, very simplified nutshell is this; don’t do anything “bad” while in Home or we’ll suspend your account, and don’t hold us libel should something “bad” happen to you while you are using our product. It’s basically a CYA agreement. And that’s a tricky knife edge to dance upon, as the heads of Facebook have found over the years with regards to some very public events. Yes, Sony is a bigger company, but as we’ve found out, no one is too big to fail.
If they really want to ensure a safe environment for everyone, improved user features to block harassers have to become a priority for future updates.
What im about 2 say should in no way b interpretted 2 mean i dispute your statistics,but honestly ive seen just as much bad behavior from the women as the men on home.Just last night i witnessed a girl tell 5 friends she was in love with,yet wanted 2 kill(exact verbiage)1 of my oldest friends.Well as u can imagine this didnt go over 2 well with her audience so after playing an hour of”Dr.Phil”with her we finally told her in no uncertain terms 2 stay the hell away from him.This girl was young,19or16 depending on who u believe,and had self admitted anger problems so hopefully she will get help so the rest of her hopefully long life isnt spent in a jail somewhere.When my last relationship went south it got ugly on both our parts but i never told lies or used threats as she did on me,this went so far that she actually paid a service 2 track down my real life name,address,and other things,thankfully whoever it was she paid botched the job,she also had followed a mutual friend of ours who was passing through her state 2 meet family,he had made the mistake of telling her about this trip and thinking that she could keep things civil,in an attempt 2 intimidate him into dropping me as a friend.Love and hate r 2 sides of the same coin known as passion,when an intense love goes bad u can almost always expect it 2 get ugly,but theres a difference between ugly and insane.Break-up fights,and in this im including fights between an ex and an exs friends who r most often guiltless,r the most venomous,painful,and hurtful of any that can b found on home.Both parties know alot about the other providing ample ammunition 4 whoever wishes 2 use it,in my case it got sooo bad she joined a rival”fam” and convinced them 2 join in her crazy vendetta,who then convinced a fam i was friends with 2 turn their backs on me,despite the crazy emails i had received from her that i showed them.Eventually the lies were exposed and the truth came out,as it most often does,but only much l8er after friendships had been destroyed.(poetic justice moment,the fam that turned their backs on me had many members leave soon after the truth came out,and r now about 1/5 the size they once were).The point im trying 2 make here is while your stats may b correct,this also happens 2 guys and i implore any1 that has friends in a similiar situation that i have described 2 look at the evidence not the stories.In cases like this its often the aggressor that will leave a trail of actions that should make its conduct obvious 2 any1 that looks at the situation with clear eyes.Btw my friend wasnt even in a relationship with this girl,he had merely talked with her 1 night and after that she had built an illusionary relationship in her mind,yet this girl was angry enough 2 say she wanted 2 kill him and she meant it.I realize sometimes we say things we dont really mean,but she not only repeated this many times but went into the details of how she would have liked 2 do it.
The challenge is we live in a very patriarchal society, and as a result, we’re practically hard-wired to believe that men don’t get abused, and that’s simply not the truth. However, it is true that men are the majority of the perpetrators of abuse in a dating or domestic relationship. The concept that women aren’t their father’s or husband’s property is one that is barely a century old. In the grand scheme of things, that’s not very long. And some of those mindsets still perpetuate to this day.
Just in the state of Maine alone (and I’m sure in the majority of the nation), the laws that give women full control over their bodies and what to do with them are so new, their passing occurred in my lifetime. And I’m only in my 30s.
If you look at the few statistics in the story(there are more if you go to the links I provided,) you will see that men are included in them. It’s just that there are so few men willing to step forward and admit that their girlfriend or wife abused them to begin with, that the data is very incomplete, and in all likelihood, the majority of data that is provided, is done so from men in a homosexual relationship.
Cyber-bullying in general has grown into such an epidemic, it defies rational thought (even though, if you spent anytime at all in the social forums for as long as I have, you’ll realize it’s always been there in some capacity). When the internet as we know it came about in the early to mid 90s, society’s first thought was how do we protect our children from the pedophiles that will inevitably lurk there. Nowadays, it’s how do we protect our children from each other. I mean, think about it; kids are killing themselves over the crap they’re receiving from their peers online. That’s the stuff that keeps me up at night, thinking (read: worrying) about my own son. And he’s only three!
I’m sorry to hear about the experiences of your friends and yourself. It sounds like those girls grew up in an environment where violence was -- or still is -- a normal thing, and that on some level, believe that resorting to violence (whether it be violence in action, thoughts, or words) is an acceptable form of dealing with conflict. It isn’t.
No need 2 feel sorry 4 me,as bad as things got in the end there were many positives.1st i found out who my true friends were and who was just along 4 the good times.2nd i found new friends after the split that woulda been chased off by the ex had we stayed together,she was insanely jealous of me talking 2 any females.All in all a minor blip,ive been around the block a time or 2 and seen and been the receipient of much worse.I just wanted ppl 2 b aware that these things can happen 2 ANYBODY that falls in love,on home or real life.
But tyvm terra 4 your concern anyways.
Very intense article, Terra; HSM prides itself on covering social issues, and this is a very heavy one, indeed. Thank you for writing it.
Well as you four alluded to in your podcast this week, videogames are not the sole cause of violent behavior in children. Sometimes, it’s learned from what goes on right in their own home.
Amazingly insightful article about a subject matter which, I believe, is sorely misunderstood (both in real life and in a virtual world like Home)and largely ignored or swept aside as some sort of twisted (expected?) social norm.
Very, very well done Terra.
Indeed.
The powers that be should offer Home users better tools for which to deal with these things. But, they do not.
This matter, and many like it, has been discussed on the PlayStation Home forums time and again.
There was a good discussion for a time on the PlayStation Home forums pertaining to harassment and tools, but it seems to be lost at the moment.
*cries*
And yes, many are/have been witness to, or are/have been victims of violence in their personal lives. It is sad. Experiencing abuse is not an excuse for behaving inappropriately on Home. Nor does it give one a license to harass others.
Apologies, but only the weak of mind allow themselves or others to bring ill will upon their peers -- and “their peers” means EVERYONE, because we are all each others peers, both in Home and in the stupid real world. No human is above another. Only in one’s own mind, or in the twisted hierarchy that is the collective “world value system” is their any call to be superior to another human.
The more submersed in technology we become, the more complacent the human race becomes to the real world as a whole. And the world population allows the few elite “decision makers” to run Earth as they please.
Freemium -- one of the worst terms ever. It is sickening the depths corporations will go to fool the public into thinking they are getting anything for free.
It is time for technology to manage the Earth’s resources. Time to take greed out of the equation. Time for the human race to grow up. But it takes suffering to grow, and since the people of the Earth as a whole are not willing to compromise their comfort for the betterment of the world, there must first be tragedy -- complete world economic failure -- for the Earthlings to wake up and smell the coffee… COFFEE… a topic for another time, but time for a cup of such.
Apologies for the rant. Am off to brew a pot.
*bows*
“But it takes suffering to grow, and since the people of the Earth as a whole are not willing to compromise their comfort for the betterment of the world, there must first be tragedy – complete world economic failure – for the Earthlings to wake up and smell the coffee…” --Nos
You see that coming too, eh?
What’s going on right now, with the potential implications for the Suez Canal, frankly should have everyone nervous.
An interesting aside: humans work best in communities of roughly 140 individuals. The one company that has really spearheaded this is Gore (manufacturers of Gore-Tex clothing), as none of their locations exceeds 140 employees. And there’s very little departmental division or hierarchy as such; it’s a corporate structure founded on basic human sociological characteristics.
I was reminded of this (http://www.gore.com/en_xx/aboutus/culture/index.html) when I read Terra’s paragraph about how the internet community, when it was small, could self-police very effectively. Accountability — the sense of not wanting to let down someone you know personally — is the best way to keep behavior in check.
It does amaze me that Home, for all of its wondrous sights and experiences, does not really come with some of the basic necessities of a virtual society — perhaps because there is such an emphasis on gaming. This will hopefully change. The casual chauvinism (and worse) of a lot of behavior in Home is sickening, and I agree, Nos, that users should have enhanced blocking features to protect themselves.
You mention the casual chauvinism, Norse… The fact is the gaming community has only until recently been, for the most part a “boy’s club.” As a matter of fact, I can only recall knowing one girl who owned and used a gaming console growing up. An article that references this very well, from both a female game user and game character perspective, is one written by a friend of mine (who, interestingly enough, I met via non-gaming interests) called Mammary Glands and Opposable Thumbs.
But it’s not just the male user base (although their overall numbers are in the majority) that are displaying aggressive or hostile behavior. Studies show that such behavior is on the rise in girls and young women, too (this age group fits right in to the penultimate stat in the article of having grown up in households where there was domestic violence).
And Nos is right; just because they have experienced violence in their lives growing up doesn’t excuse them from choosing to perpetuate the cycle in Home. But if no one steps in and shows them that there is a much better, healthier alternative, what choices do they have? The so-called “fams” aren’t the answer either, as some are just as culpable of instigating inappropriate behavior as the ones saying they defend against it.
If the discussion Nos referred to in the Sony forums with regards to harassment and tools has been buried, then another needs to be made. And another, and another, until Sony gets their proverbial thumb out and realize that this is really what their Home user base wants. Not another hairstyle. Not another outfit. Not another personal or public space. Not in a box. Not with a fox. (*cough* /Seuss Moment) We want our improved anti-harassment tools and we want them now.
Well, that was total html fail on my part. Here’s the direct link: http://thisismyjoystick.com/editorials/mammary-glands-and-opposable-thumbs/
In your own words”SOME are just as culpable of instigating inappropriate behavior as the ones saying they defend against it.”That sounds like an admission that while some do,some dont.Which means ppl seeking protection from”fams” really has 2 do their homework b 4 joining.Im not only agreeing that SOME”fams” instigate this behavior but many perpetrate bad behavior against their own members,for many different reasons,so it is at best an iffy-iffy proposition at best but it beats going it alone.
As i somewhat alluded 2 above atm alot of the protections users can find r 2 b found in “fams”.In most of them that i know of,even the 1s that r run incompetently,they take care of their own when it comes 2 bullying and offer some hope of defence 2 those that feel defenceless.
FOUND THE THREAD! haha
<..>
http://community.us.playstation.com/thread/3328675?tstart=0
I added another comment to that thread in effect asking Sony if they are even bothering to read what we post.
Ha ha! Saw that. Thank you
Women ages 20-24 are at the greatest risk of nonfatal intimate partner violence.
Approximately one in five female high school students reports being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner.
Im personally thinking these 2 stats are way off. I know how hard it is to say you got your rear end beat in by a guy, esp when you are in high school. More so if you have a dad like mine that you dont want to see in jail forever. My dad and I have problems but if I had told him what a couple of boyfriends did to me, yeah, hed be rotting in prison.
Being that I AM my father’s daughter, I arranged a get together at a motel with the offenders (who were more than willing to show up) and “took care of the issue”. But not all girls have ways and means to do that.
On a side note I think Terra will appreciate, Tori Amos was blaring when I took care of my *problem*
Im kinda interested in how exactly u took care of the problem,sorry but im the kind of person that doesn’t like 2 leave mysteries alone.
LOL. Not exactly proud of myself for this at this point and it could have backfired badly. What can I say, I was 16. I think my friend and I actually got half the idea from a movie called Heathers =P Our boyfriends (who were nicer non beating on/raping women types) and a few of their friends were in the bathroom of the room. We told the jerks to go in and get *ready* for us. When the noise started we went in and got our jabs in too. Then got them to admit what they did on video. Too bad there wasnt youtube back then. The video made the rounds at school though. We all got suspended but it was worth it. Now it all just sounds kind of silly, but back then it felt great.
LOL tyvm 4 sharing that,idk if that will b seen as the right course of action by most ppl but it has all the poetic justice of a greek tragedy and id wager was a good learning experience 4 those boys.Proving that sometimes being cruel or using harsh methods can have benefits,and suspended 4 something that happened off school grounds?Seems a bit like the school overextending its boundries,but then officials often try 2 find ways 2 make themselves seem more essential than they really r.
lol, the school I went to prided itself on being strict. Theres actually a facebook group called something like “lincoln-way will suspend you if your dead when the world ends in 2012″ lol. My best friend got expelled for flipping off a teacher at McDonalds.
Honestly, if you tube had existed, who knows where it would have went. I forget sometimes about crazy people. Although they totally deserved what they got, they didn’t deserve some crazy ending them. Although, one of them did end up dying, because he was stupid. Moron decided to wo swimming in a culvert drain thing, in a flood, duh.
The fact is that human beings have a REALLY bad tendancy to be complete jerks. A majority of people I encounter on a daily basis are selfish and only think of themselves and their needs. Rarely do I find people that go out of their way for others with no pretenses or ulterior motives.
And maybe it’s time to change that.
We say we wanna stop abuse and harassment on Home. That’s fine and dandy, but simply reporting it won’t change anything. We need to start a grassroots movement, seeking to change the mindsets and beliefs of all Home users. The only way to fight City Hall is to rally all the people together (or summon Godzilla, but I don’t have the resources to pull that together)
Next time you see this abuse happen? Of course report it, but send a message or a couple of comforting words to the abused party. Be a friend. Lend them a shoulder or an open ear. Stand up to the abuser and tell them to back off. Write a strongly worded (yet polite and in TOS) to the abuser saying it won’t be tolerated.
Also, while you’re at it, write a strongly worded letter to Sony saying you’d like them to do far more considering Home abuse. Tell your friends about how abuse sucks and you don’t want anything to do with it. Have a Home party dedicated to informing others about this type of behavior and promoting a community aspect.
The fact is that we are a community, whether you want to call it that or not, and we must become a people of “WE”, not “ME”. We have to start looking our for each other. We may not like each other and we may not solve all of our problems, but let’s face it; We’re all in this hell-hole we call “Life” together. Let’s try to make it as joyus and happy as possible.
You, TheOtherRainMan, get it. And I thank you for commenting.
“We have rudiments of reverence for the human body, but we consider as nothing the rape of the human mind.”
— Eric Hoffer
Given the tone this article’s comment have taken, I thought I should say something.
My son was on home the other day and was talking to a 30 yr old woman. He did his usual of saying he was 11 and telling them I dont remember her name but it was nice of her to do that.
There are still real people that are nice on home.
Oh and Norse, now I have to google Eric Hoffer, cuz that quote hits home in so many ways.
I personally knew a man who took abuse from a woman for years. He was a religious man and did not believe he should ever hit his wife. I know from his children that he was slapped, kicked, punched, and verbally abused weekly by a very stern woman that he loved. One day his wife punched him in the head, and he had had enough. He pushed her against the wall and said NO MORE ABUSE! The next day she had court papers waiting for him. The moral of the story is it CAN go both ways, and neither is acceptable.
I can say in almost 20 years of marriage I have NEVER hit my wife. She has angered me to rage a couple times, but none were, or ever will be acceptable reason to strike her. We rarely EVER fight, and honestly, we seldom argue. Some say that kind of relationship doesn’t exist, but I’m here to say it does. So If your a female who is trying to justify your boyfriend, fiance, or husband (or any other partner) hitting you, then you need to remind yourself that love doesn’t include physical violence. PERIOD! If your relationship includes violence, your in the wrong relationship!!! You need to get out ASAP, and find one FAR AWAY from the one your in that doesn’t include violence.
As a spiritual person who believes in the word of the good book (the Bible), from excerpts of the great Dr. Martin Luther King, and from the man who stated the words “Life is like a box of chocolates; you’ll never know what you’re going to get” this article has touched and tingled my heart in mroe ways than 8.
I am truly at a lost on what words to say because there have a few instances in my life that is indeed common with this subject (verbal abuse, lack of confidence, sexual abuse) but I feel that deep down I was taught to learn forgiveness. It is something that many in today’s society lack and it is something that is extremely hard to do.
However, in order for us to move forwrad, it is something that we all have to try. But make no mistake, it is NO excuse for this sort of behavior and it is something that I wish to not EVER partake in.
By far and without a doubt, an extremely moving article that i will pass along to my friends and family members. I sincerely thank you for contributing this.