SYNOPSIS:

    Because patterns of love and marriage are cultural creations,
we should expect them to change from century to century.

    At the beginning of the 21st century,
some trends can be foreseen for the Western world:

1. The mythology of romantic love will continue to hold sway,
at least over the young and inexperienced.

2. More couples will decide to live together
without getting officially or legally married.
They will be free to create their own relationship contracts
—whether explicit or implicit, written or unwritten.

3. Renewable marriages will become more common.
Term-relationships agree to last for a certain duration,
after which they will either expire or be renewed.

4. Same-sex marriages will become more common and less controversial.
Gay and lesbian couples will feel ever more free
to make their relationships open and public.
Many states and countries will legalize same-sex marriage.

5. For those people who have transcended the threat of jealousy,
loving more than one person at the same time will become more common.

1. ROMANTIC LOVE.

2. MARRIAGE RESISTERS.

3. RENEWABLE MARRIAGE.

4. SAME-SEX MARRIAGE.

5. POLYAMORY.

INTRODUCTION.

    The patterns of interpersonal relationships have been changing
for about the last 7 million years
—ever since we humans broke off from our primate cousins.
What patterns of relationships prevailed millions of years ago?
Since we have no records, we can only speculate
about the equivalents of 'love' and 'marriage'
during the first few millions years of human evolution.
But for the last several thousand years, we do have records
that tells us about various patterns of relating—and their changes.

    Even within a period of 100 years, dramatic changes can be observed.
If we were to examine the patterns of 'love' and 'marriage' of 100 years ago,
we would note profound differences between then and now.

    And we should only expect such changes to accelerate in the future.
Thus, the changes in love and marriage in the 21st century
should be even more dramatic than in the 20th century.

1. ROMANTIC LOVE.

    However, one feature of our cultural scene is not so likely to change:
Young people will probably continue to 'fall in love' according to pattern
for the rest of the 21st century.
Because the feelings of romantic love are so delightful,
this is a tradition that will probably continue into the indefinite future.

    Briefly, romantic love means projecting fantasies
onto the object of one's love.
Romantic lovers are lost in a haze of feelings and passions,
which they experience as happening to them.
But what is really happening is that they are trying to reproduce
a complex set of feelings and behavior
they have absorbed from popular culture.
Television continues to show love as an emotion rather than a relationship.

    Many people grow out of romantic illusions as they mature,
but it seems that each new generation must learn
all over again that romantic love is an artificial feeling.

2. MARRIAGE RESISTERS.

    In the 21st century, there will be a growing number of people
who will decide to live as couples without the structure of official marriage.

    Should we call them "marriage resisters"?
They know they can create their own interpersonal relationships
without subscribing to the definition of marriage in their culture.

    Usually marriage resisters object to two or three features
of the standard marriage contract.
For example, they might not like the permanence
almost always included in the marriage vows.
They want the freedom to change or terminate their relationships
without involving lawyers and judges.

    Some marriage resisters do not like
the informal traditions surrounding marriage.
For example, they do plan to have children,
which is a strong assumption within traditional marriage.

3. RENEWABLE MARRIAGE.

    As mentioned above, some people considering traditional marriage
do not like the idea of committing themselves for their rest of their lives.
How realistic is it for people—especially people in their 20s—
to establish personal partnerships that will last until one of them dies?

    The actual history of marriage shows that
about half of marriages in the United States
do not, in fact, last until one partner dies.

    A renewable marriage (or less official relationship)
would be defined by the partners
according to their own most realistic expectations.
When they are just starting out,
they should realize that their relationship
might not last more than a few months.
The traditions of dating permit frequent changes of partners
without going thru any elaborate legal processes.

    Some people will incorporate freedom to change partners
into more committed relationships,
even when they call those relationships "marriage".

    One advantage of having a defined period
for each relationship contract
is that both partners know when they will sit down to examine
how well this relationship has been working for both of them.

    Such relationship-reviews might be compared to employment-reviews.
When people are first employed, they often have a probationary period
—perhaps 6 months long—
after which they know their work will be examined and evaluated.
If they pass that first assessment,
perhaps they will have annual reviews of their work.

    Renewable marriages could work on a similar schedule.
The partners agree to review the benefits and burdens of their relationship
—as seen by each partner—at a pre-determined time in the future.

    If they continue to appreciate the good things
that are happening between them
more than they regret their problems,
they will renew their marriage or relationship
for another period of time, perhaps one or two years
—or even more years for those who are quite happy with each other.

4. SAME-SEX MARRIAGE.

    We can say with a great deal of confidence
that the 21st century will be the century in which same-sex marriages
were recognized and made official in most parts of the world.

    First, some European countries
allowed same-sex couples most of the benefits of marriage.
Then some states of the USA moved to legalize same-sex couples.
The U.S. Supreme Court made same-sex marriage
legal everywhere in the United States in 2015.
Canada has allowed same-sex marriage since 2005.

    There will always be some pockets of resistance,
especially in cultures where homosexuality is repressed.
These conservative countries and cultures
will be the last to recognize same-sex marriages.

    One positive result of marriage rights and duties
being extended to same-sex couples
is that their relationships might become more settled and secure.
Same-sex marriages will then be dissolved
about as frequently as heterosexual marriages.
And the possible ending of the relationship
will be a realistic expectation that everyone can take into account.

5. POLYAMORY.

    "Polyamory" is a new word in the English language.
It simply means many loves.
People have been having more than one relationship at a time
since long before the exclusiveness of marriage was first invented.
There probably never was a time when almost everyone
honored their official marriage vow to remain exclusive
—romantically and sexually.

    But the polyamory movement wants to make multiple loving
more open and honest.
Instead of having secret affairs—sometimes called "cheating"—
people who have transcended the threat of jealousy
feel ready to expand their circle of loving relationships
to include more than just one person.

    Because this goes directly against most marriage vows,
people who want to love more than one person at a time
need to have deep discussions with the people they love
about how they will handle such new possibilities.

    Perhaps 95% of the population is not yet ready for polyamory:
They correctly foresee that they will feel deeply jealous
if they attempt to share the people they love with anyone else.

    But there is a growing minority of people who have
transcended the problem of jealousy sufficiently
that they can openly and honestly embrace more than one partner
during some phase of their lives.

CONCLUSION.

    Stay tuned:  Big changes are on the horizon for love and marriage.
We will probably see more changes in these patterns
in future decades than in any similar period of past history.

    For many people, such new patterns will create problems.
But creative, open-minded people will be ready and willing
to open themselves to new ways of loving.

    Once we realize that all of our traditions
were created by the human beings who lived on Earth before us,
we are liberated to create new patterns,
if we believe that new ways of loving will work better for us.

AUTHOR:

EXPLORE FURTHER:

1. Romantic Love.

    If you want to read more books critical of romantic love,
see the Romantic Love Bibliography.
Your college or public library should have
at least some of the 12 books reviewed here.

2. Marriage Resisters.

   If you would like to explore why some people resist marriage,
go to The Best Books Critical of Traditional Marriage

3. Renewable Marriage.

4. Same-Sex Marriage.

    Same-sex marriage is explored in these books:
Same-Sex Marriage—First Books

5. Polyamory.

    Polyamory is explored on many sites on the Internet.
Just search "polyamory" or "polyfidelity".

    A Few books have been written on this subject. 
See: The Multiple Loving Bibliography