Capes, Cowls and Cleavage: The Best (and Worst) TV Superheroes

Under The Masks: Matthew Settle, Kimberly Oja, John Kassir, Michelle Hurd, Kenny Johnston, David Ogden Stiers

Years Active: 1997

Cable Crimefighters: You know how fanboys have been clamoriing for years for a movie that combines the greatest DC superheroes into one action-packed extravagaza?  And how most attempts to bring DC heroes to celluloid have failed miserably?  Well, we can likely credit this TV movie pilot as why. 

It's not that JLA does a terrible job of adapting our favorite superheroes, but 1997 simply wasn't ready to accept the idea of actors in outlandish costumes repairing the world with cheesy effects.

Under The Mask: Reb Brown

Years Active: 1979

Cable Crimefighter: What. The hell. Is this?  Chris Evans wasn't much more than a baby while CBS was out ruining Captain America's future legacy with these bizarre TV movies in which Steve Rogers was a contemporary Marine outfitted with a super-steroid of his WW2 father's legacy, who drove around in a van that shot motorcycles out of the back.  Sure the uniform got more classic by the end, but how did this happen?

Before 2011, the closest we had to live-action Cap was an unreleased VHS movie that kept the origin, but made the Red Skull inexplicably Italian.

Under The Cap: Zachary Quinto

Years Active: 2006-2010

Cable Crimefighter: Okay, so Zachary Quinto's Sylar shouldn't technically be considered a super-hero, what with all the murder and mayhem he's gone on to committ, but it's hard to see that loveable melon-slicer as anyone other than someone to root for.

To be fair, he did decide to be a hero for awhile.  Then a villain.  Then indifferent.  Then a hero.  Good writing on that show.

Under The Mask: Deirdre Hall and Judy Strangis

Years Active; 1976

Cable Crimefighters: Uh...hmm.  So apparently these two headlined a children's television segment that ran for a total of eight episodes lampooning Batman and Robin in 1976.  The duo doubled as newscasters who would flash into their costumes and use their various bracelets to defeat the forces of evil.

A reboot in 2001 was happily not picked up.

Under The Roof: The whole cast, except the X-Men

Years Active: 1996

Cable Crimefighters: Completely against their usual protocol, the Fox Network decided to cancel a show with uncertain ratings.  In any case, Generation X told the story of a group of teenagers managing mutant life at the Xavier School for Gifted Youngsters.

The only problem being, that for legal reasons they had to use the more obscure Marvel mutants or invent others, some based on pastiches of established characters.

Trust me, you didn't miss anything.

Under The Bolt: Jason Bostwick

Years Active: 1974-1977

Cable Crimefighter: Largely maintaining the already stable premise, a boy who summons the might of the Gods to transform himself into Earth's Mightiest Mortal, the CBS TV series Shazam! saw Billy Batson travelling around California in an RV with his mentor, righting the mostly earthly wrongs of every-day folk.

Because nothing about that seems creepy.

Under The Hood: Lee Thompson Young

Years Active: 2006-Present

Cable Crimefighter: Famous for his Disney Channel portrayal of The Famous Jett Jackson, the famous Lee Thompson Young went on to play a new kind of sci-fi hero in Smallville's version of the Teen Titan Cyborg.  In typical Smallville fashion, the character was given a more casual makeover to reflect the show's budgetary and realism concerns, asserting that his cybernetic components existed internally rather than externally.

He returned several more times sporting a costume closer to his comic appearance, but fans remain bionically divided on the portrayal.

Under The Helmet: Eric Allan Kramer

Years Active: 1988

Cable Crimefighter: Great Odin's raven!  You know the stakes are higher in a TV movie when other Marvel characters show up!  Yes, it seems Chris Hemsworth and Kenneth Brannagh were beaten to the punch when the mighty Asgardian descended upon David Banner in The Incredible Hulk Returns to muck up the scientist's life.  Can't that guy ever catch a break?

So while Thor and Donald Blake might not have portrayed the same entity, it's still enough to wet your beaks for 2011...

Under The Neck: Greg Grunberg

Years Active; 2006-2010

Cable Crimefighter:  Having evidently survived the crash of Oceanic Flight 815, Greg originated the role of the psychic police officer from the very first season, and we've grown rather fond of Matt Parkman despite all even if he can't decide whether or not he wants to make detective, win back his wife realistically deal with Sylar, or raise that little bastard boy of his.

Truly, among Heroes there was no one with a more powerful ability to turn their head and squint.