Poor Lindsay Lohan. One day you're on top of the world, the next you're
cleaning up after dead people while your teeth are rotting out. There's
only one more bump on the way to the bottom and that's posing naked in Playboy.
Unfortunately, a lot of ladies only make it to the magazine when
they're in dire straits. But it doesn't have to be that way! The human
body is a beautiful thing, and it should be celebrated at the height of
its charms. While there are millions of ladies out there who seem to
never stop being gorgeous, the flash-in-the-pan nature of Hollywood "It"
girls neccessitates a neglegance of natural beauty in favor of surgical
augmentation that leaves women war-torn and scarred before they're even
thirty. Here are some people we wish had posed for Playboy five years ago.
Girls We Wanted In Playboy 5 Years Ago
For some, posing nude for Playboy Magazine is a great opportunity. For others, it marks a fall from grace. With Lindsay Lohan's impending issue, we look at some other girls we wanted in Playboy five years ago.
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By Evan Saathoff November 2, 2011 |
Credit: Paramount
| 6 | Megan Fox |
Do we still like Megan Fox? Did we ever? She was always a concentrated embodiment of sex. Not just because she was hot, but because her absolute unattainability also represented how difficult it can be to get laid. She was awe inspiring but unrealistic, which is why she fit in so well with all those giant robots.
There was a time, however, when Megan Fox was a real beauty, and it would have been amazing to see her in Playboy. Even in the early Transformers era of Megan's long and storied career, we would have welcomed the sight. Now, though, plastic surgery has mad her more fox than foxy.
Credit: Criterion
| 5 | Gwyneth Paltrow |
It was once impossible to look upon Gwyneth Paltrow and not fall in love with her. There was always something reliably normal and warm about her that couldn't be resisted. When she won an Oscar for Shakespeare in Love it was an acknowledgement that good girls could come in first, too.
Now she's a crazy person. On top of that, she's using her soapbox to try and teach others how to be crazy people, too. Also, she's a singer now. She works out twenty-five hours a day, and each of her children have two middle names. She's become a total Loony Bin Jim, and Loony Bin Jims probably shouldn't be in Playboy, though a ton of them probably are.
Credit: Paramount
| 4 | Ali Larter |
Ali Larter made it into Playboy during her time in the short-lived Heroes limelight, but only as an interview subject. Despite claiming in the interview that she doesn't do nudity, she also doesn't rule it out as a future possibility. With her star on the wane since the cancellation of Heroes, perhaps that time will come.
On the other hand, maybe she'll be satisfied with appearing in endless Resident Evil films and having catfights with Beyonce. And since she only seems to be getting more beautiful, pinpointing Ali Larter's prime may be more difficult than one initially thinks.
Credit: Fanpop
| 3 | Kristin Kreuk |
Anyone who saw Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li knows that Kristin Kreuk's bid to escape the world of television was slightly less than a success. If there was a time for her to capitalize on her Smallville lime-light in Playboy, that time has passed.
It's not like being on TV is the worst thing in the world or anything. And she's probably still attractive to those who found her attractive in the first place. It's just that now it would be seen as a sad bid for attention, when before it just would have been awesome.
Credit: Universal
| 2 | Scarlett Johansson |
Some will argue that Scarlett Johansson is more beautiful now than ever. And she's certainly just as visible as she's ever been. But that's part of the problem. There's just too much Scarlett Johansson out there for a Playboy appearance to register as exciting as it once would have. Furthermore, a cell-phone pic already ruined the mystery.
Not too long ago, though, a Scarlett Johansson issue of Playboy probably would have set the world on fire.
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