Poor Lindsay Lohan. One day you're on top of the world, the next you're
cleaning up after dead people while your teeth are rotting out. There's
only one more bump on the way to the bottom and that's posing naked in Playboy.
Unfortunately, a lot of ladies only make it to the magazine when
they're in dire straits. But it doesn't have to be that way! The human
body is a beautiful thing, and it should be celebrated at the height of
its charms. While there are millions of ladies out there who seem to
never stop being gorgeous, the flash-in-the-pan nature of Hollywood "It"
girls neccessitates a neglegance of natural beauty in favor of surgical
augmentation that leaves women war-torn and scarred before they're even
thirty. Here are some people we wish had posed for Playboy five years ago.
Girls We Wanted In Playboy 5 Years Ago
For some, posing nude for Playboy Magazine is a great opportunity. For others, it marks a fall from grace. With Lindsay Lohan's impending issue, we look at some other girls we wanted in Playboy five years ago.
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By Evan Saathoff November 2, 2011 |
Credit: Universal
| 11 | Tara Reid |
By the time Tara Reid did Playboy, she was already damaged by a botched liposuction procedure that made her stomach look like a Cenobite. According to her, the whole point of doing it was to prove to the world that her stomach was no longer weird.
That tactic may have worked if the photos weren't photoshopped to the point where she becomes more hentai than human. It makes the image we have of her from the American Pie films that much harder to fatham.
Credit: The Weinstein Company
| 10 | Rose McGowan |
Even as recently as Planet Terror, Rose McGowan was a sight to behold. She exhuded confidence and never looked like any of the other girls. Well maybe she looked a little like Christina Ricci, but that's not a bad thing.
These days, though, Rose McGowan's face has changed quite a bit, and she no longer commands the same voluptious charm. Her eyes in particular, probably her greatest asset before, now just look cold and strange. Rose may make it to Playboy eventually. But the time when we'd really welcome that has forever passed us by.
Credit: Fanpop
| 9 | Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen |
This was supposed to have happened already. We were all so sure of it. But instead of posing for Playboy, these child stars chose the eating disorder and connections to the death of Heath Ledger route, a path of misery instead of one that would have given so much joy.
Of course, it is pretty icky to imagine child stars we saw as babies pose naked in Playboy. But that is irrelevant. This was a cultural milestone we needed to hit, and we are deprived for having missed it.
Credit: Lions Gate
| 8 | Amy Smart |
Not too long ago, it seemed like you couldn't go to a movie or watch TV without seeing Amy Smart, and it was a glorious time. These days, however, Amy Smart sightings are surprisingly rare.
With her heyday possibly behind her, the time may come when Amy Smart poses nude for the big bucks. Even though she bared all in Road Trip, we still wish she'd done a Playboy photoshoot back in her "Tasty Coma Wife" days.
Credit: 20th Century Fox
| 7 | Nicole Kidman |
Even when she was younger Nicole Kidman's beauty seemed from another world. Her pearly white skin and glaring eyes have always made her feel kind of like a porcelain doll. These features perfectly suited her, as she often took roles which required a strong amount of dignity and poise.
Unfortunately, she resembles a doll now more than ever thanks to a face frozen by botox. She still commands dignity on screen, but now her characters are often all the way scary, whether they're supposed to be or not. Instead of turning back time, her attempts to stay young forever have only made her come off as Amy Adams' creepy older sister. When it comes to Playboy, we'd rather just see Amy Adams.
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