Forgiveness
by Jin Lovelace, HSM team writer & filmmaker
Before I move on to finish my next catalog, I wanted to produce this piece for everyone that I’ve hurt and those who have hurt me. It took a long time for me to do this video, because I kept debating whether I should or shouldn’t.
There has been a lot of hurt inside of me which hindered me from moving forward in my life. While at times I feel good, there were many other times I didn’t understand why I was constantly reminded of things I’ve done that I regret.
The problem lay in how I was brought up. I was abused in many ways unimaginable, not by my family but by the relationships I’ve formed that stunted my growth in understanding others, from child molestation to verbal abuse from peers, school mates, and even from a relationship I once had. I’ve never shared this publicly, but I felt that this was something I desired to say for a reason.
Could this relate to domestic violence? I can honestly say that I’ve never had that problem, but I can only imagine what it is like. You see, in the hurts that I’m explaining here — whether verbal, physical, or whatever — the problem lay with how people treat each other in society. How other people treat you. We’ve been influenced in many ways as we move through life, and most of it has been based on a lot of struggling: financially, mentally, with health issues and relationships, with our family and friends, in a marriage, or with ourselves. We all can relate to this.
We’ve also had our characters misunderstood. Some of us have been the very product of bigotry from others. (I was raised in an area where racism was somewhat the norm, and I into this as well.) We have never had the chance to explain ourselves or who we are. The bigoted ones turn a deaf ear and live in their delusions of grandeur, forcing us to stay silent about the negativity we receive from them.
Due to this, we’ve passed down what’s been passed to us: hurts due to the damage that the weak have caused us. We pass it down to the many that mean so well, but can be so different from the lives we, individually, lead. The fact is, no one knows who you are. You’re a unique individual with a story to tell. You have a testimony to share with others about how you went from point A to point C, always striving towards getting to point D. The key note here is that for you to move forward, to strive towards your goals, is to learn — and understand — the power of forgiveness.
It’s hard to do. But expressing your ideals in terms of who you “hate” or dislike can only feel good for a short while. Afterwards, it’s nothing but a rebuttal on where you are in life, and the struggle begins as you wonder who you are and what you’re meant for. Hate fuels the weak, but only the few desire to stand as heroes.
To be strong, one must move forward. Let go, and let God, if you believe in such. You deserve better. You deserve joy and peace. Peace doesn’t come from anyone but yourself.
I wanted to share this piece that I was inspired to do before I finish my next catalog, and to raise an awareness that you’re not alone. This is just a prelude to an event that I will be hosting in October. I want to thank Jay619 and Minate Tina, the cutest couple I’ve ever seen, and I hope you enjoy.
“Be formless like water, my friend.”– Bruce Lee
“Forgiveness”
Music: “Losing” by Tenth Avenue North, http://tenthavenuenorth.com/
October 7th, 2013 by Jin Lovelace | 5 comments
Jin Lovelace is a machinimist and team writer for HomeStation Magazine, as well as the founder of Twilight Touch Inc. -- http://twilighttouchinc.com and http://youtube.com/twilighttouchinc. When not found in PlayStation Home, Jin studies graphic design and illustration (character design and fashion), gaming, and the culinary arts.
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Great message Jin and one I have lived by most of my life. Holding on to grudges and not forgiving hurts the person doing it, not the ones they won’t forgive. It builds up inside of you and taints everything you do and see. I wish more people in the world knew this simple secret of life and just let it go. Let people be people, warts and all and accept them for it and move on. You will be a much happier individual.
Loved the music, it is one of my new favorites from contemporary Christian music that I listen to. Good job.
Water under the bridge. Is what I said when I was told bridges were burnt. You can’t live with mental anguish but you can live with adversity and embrace it. learn from it and forgive. Move forward, not back. just how I see things.
You asked a very interesting question in your video. How long does pain last? In my opinion the answer is twofold… First pertains to physical pain. I feel that lasts as long as you are perceiving it. As far as emotional pain, that last as long as you give it power to. That also goes for regret. I’ll apologize ahead of time for overusing the word “power”. I find that word to be the most suitable for my purposes. It may not be an easy or popular concept to wrap your head around but emotional pain and regret is the state of mine that we control. Many times it is our ego that regulates how long we suffer from emotional pain. On the other hand it is our conscience that often regulates how long we regret. Both, our conscience and our ego, are controlled by how much power we give them. As an example, if someone says something that hurts our feelings it is because we gave their words the power to do so. Often, while I am counseling someone in Home who has been hurt by someone’s words or actions, I explained to them that it is because we gave them the power over us to do so. I go on to explain that if someone treats us unjustly they do not deserve the power to hurt us so their words have no weight behind them.
As far as regrets, we can only regret things that have happened but in doing so cannot change the past. We should learn from our regrets and in doing so try not to repeat them. If we can do that, then there is no need for them to be regrets anymore.
Forgiveness… My definition of forgiveness, taking back the power I gave to someone or something that was used to hurt me. And by doing so, wiping the slate clean.
These are easy concepts for me to preach yet complicated for me to practice. We cannot control how others behave we can only control how we allow it to affect us. Along the same lines, we are the only ones that can control how we treat others.
Knowing that I control the distribution of power to affect me emotionally doesn’t mean I am immune to getting my feelings hurt, or regretting actions I have done. I am only human. I have strong emotions, some of them are painful, some of them are regretful but all of them are mine.
Recognizing that I control the power doesn’t fix everything but it is a useful tool. Before I realize this I would blame others for hurting me, not realizing that I shared in the blame.
I also recognize that there are exceptions to this rule. And it is human nature to experience things on an emotional level first and then to filter it logically.
I still have emotional pain, I still have regrets. But knowing that I’m in control of the power has helped me decrease the population in both categories.
Great article, awesome video and wonderful message.
Forgive others, forgive yourself, but don’t forgive and forget. Forgive and remember because that is how you learn.
Very, very nice Jin! Forgiveness is good for you to grow. Pause for reflection, and move on. Great piece and I’m glad you went ahead with it.
Emotional pain doesn’t actually last very long. when it does its because we have held on to it.