Home Designed By…
by NorseGamer, HSM Publisher
By now, the Home equation is very well-known: a social metaverse with no clearly defined central purpose. A freemium social games platform. A series of 3D virtual chat rooms. Et cetera. But we have to remember that this is an extremely unusual formula for a video game; even within the world of social MMO experiences such as Second Life, Entropia, IMVU, Habbo, Twinity, et cetera, Home is an odd combination of ingredients that equals a dish quite unlike anything else out there.
This got us thinking. What if Home had been conceptualized by a different game developer or studio? What sort of Home would emerge from this? Although this is ultimately just meant as a whimsical concept, it does make you think a bit!
So. Here we go. Home designed by:
RICHARD GARRIOTT
- Instead of the Hub and its districts, Home would be organized into public spaces devoted to specific virtues, with a different developer responsible for producing virtual goods in alignment with those virtues. The Activity Board would present quests (such as braving the dungeon of the Godfather Stygian Abyss) which would eventually unlock the Codex of Ultimate Leaderboard. Only then would the avatar be able to free Lord Buser.
- Peter Edward as Lord Blackthorn.
- LMO objects would have names such as “Vas Rel Por.” You would need several feelies, such as a cloth map and multiple spellbooks, to understand their function.
- Moongates would take you to Pier Park, but if Trammel and Felucca were not in alignment, you might end up at the Playground instead.
- All pre-programmed comments would be written in New Early English. Thou hast no keyboard.
JOHN CARMACK
- All of Home would be inside a giant teutonic castle filled with Nazis.
- The store would simply be referred to as the Vault of Zin.
- Home’s source code would be available to everyone, allowing for startling amounts of user-generated content. Linux Home would exist.
- Home would be portrayed via first-person view, and everyone would be heavily armed. Everyone. Even the pet companions.
- The Message of the Day would contain Satanic symbols. Parents would object, but sales would be through the roof.
- Peter Edward as Cyberdemon.
- Home would be called Hell.
SID MEIER
- Home would be a turn-based strategy game that took eleventy-billion years to complete.
ED BOON
- Xi would’ve been called Outworld.
- Two words: avatar fatalities.
- PSTalent would release Saibot Away Spray.
- Dan Forden would randomly appear on your screen for no reason at all.
- Peter Edward as Shang Tsung.
- Virtual estates would be slightly more masochistic. Users would demand interactive spikes.
WILL WRIGHT
- Already happened. It was called The Sims Online. Next.
KOU SHIBUSAWA
- Nearly everything — everything — would somehow tie into the struggles of Liu Bei, Cao Cao and Sun Quan.
- Home would have two gameplay modes: an indecipherable turn-based system overlaid atop a map view, and a third-person rampage mode in which users can singlehandedly wipe out hundreds of heavily-armed soldiers without breaking a sweat.
- Users would have to pick a starting district and navigate a complex web of political intrigue and resource allocation to be able to go anywhere else. Smart users would start by building an airline in London. (Yeah, let’s see how many people get that reference…)
- Peter Edward as Zhuge Liang.
HIRONOBU SAKAGUCHI
- There would be only two types of LMOs: Chocobos and airships. Oddly, no one would object.
- Users would be endlessly complaining about the lack of fashion variety for white, black and red mages.
- There would be an opera scene. Just because.
- Instead of block/ignore tools, users would be equipped with limit breaks.
- Bahamut companion.
- There would actually be a job system. About damn time.
- Peter Edward as Cid.
…You know, I’d actually get into these versions of Home. Who wouldn’t want a Britannia Quake Civilization Outworld Kessen Spore set in Balamb Garden Home? Could be legit. Just saying.
September 25th, 2013 by NorseGamer | 7 comments
NorseGamer is the product manager for LOOT Entertainment at Sony Pictures, as well as the founder and publisher of HomeStation Magazine. Born and raised in Silicon Valley, he holds a B.A. in English/Creative Writing from San Francisco State University and presently lives in Los Angeles. All opinions expressed in HSM are solely his and do not necessarily reflect the views of Sony DADC.
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PAHAHA!
Sid Meier, eleventy billion years to complete Home!
“Thou hast no keyboard” LOL!
How about “Wherefore art thou hail from?”
Ahhaha! Ahh, loved this list Norse, well done!
Keiichirō Toyama:
Several times a day Home would fill up with fog and strange sirens would sound. Vickie from Sodium would be replace by Pyramid Head
That’s hilarious.
As envisioned by the Neverhood:
A claymation world with a selective take on perspective and quite possibly a side-scrolling social MMO. Characters and environments emphasize crazy motions, bizarre (and occasionally juvenile) humor, and a sense of crazy Home so far has associated with nDreams. Avatars will be Klaymen with their own miniature Willie Trombone as a companion. Because reasons.
“Vault of Zin” -- sounds like an alternate name for my aunt’s liquor cabinet at Christmas time.
Home designed by Tomonobu Itagaki:
-- All female avatars would have bustlines that not only would defy gravity, but every physics law known to man.
-- Also, all female outfits would make all current skimpy wear look like a nun’s habit.
-- LMO called the Izuna Drop would be a default and allow users to grab another avatar, launch them into the air, and then doing a spinning pile driver, slamming them head first into the ground. However, the button sequence in which to pull this off is so complicated, users frequently get frustrated and end up breaking their controllers, causing sales for replacements to skyrocket.
-- Heavy metal would be the all the main soundtrack anywhere and everywhere you went.
Peter Molyneux:
Your companion starts eating the other players and destroying the place so that after two years of playing you are actually worse off than starting over from scratch.
Yu Suzuki’s PlayStation Home
-- Harbor Studio would be filled with sailors
-- The mall would play the Tomato Convenience Store theme song
-- Hitting the report button would call a police car onto the scene where the officer would bust out a Gatling Gun that fires explosive rounds into a crowd of trolls
-- If you crash your cart during a Mod Nation Racers race, your significant other will get out of the car and ride off with someone else
-- Every login will play
“Welcome to the Fantasy Zone. Get Ready!!!”
-- Roasted Turkeys, Apples, Salt and Pepper Shakers, Knives, Pipes, Kunai and Katana can easily be unlocked by smashing open trash cans and oil drums. Embrace eating off of the floor.
-- Users will do everything via Quicktimer Events
-- Every Car would be a Ferrari.
-- Every Jet would be an F-14 Tomcat
-- Everybody would work as a Forklift Operator and would not require a license to do so.
-- A little Egg with wings would follow you around blasting scissors and other random items
-- Those who cannot afford a Ferrari or an F-14 Tomcat would get a Jetpack to go to work which looks like a vacuum cleaner. However, they would need to blast dragons and not fly into trees on their commute to their Forklift job.