Manhood in Home
by DonnyBee, HSM guest contributor
Masculinity is something that changes from one culture to another. Even in just one country, people from different backgrounds have different ideas of what masculinity is. In Home, you see people from everywhere. There are developers from different countries where they have different social expectations. You have social standards from regions, and cultures, and also generations.
Over a century ago in America, it used to be socially acceptable for two men to sleep in the same bed, hug each other, and kiss each other on the cheeks. Nowadays, that is seen as strange or unacceptable unless you are related, like brothers and such. To put it in the vernacular, it looks “gay” when you see it in our current culture. When you see one man kiss another man on the cheek, you think they either must be French or in the mob.
In Home, there are things that bring up the question of masculinity. You hear it all the time. If you go to the Dance Dance Revolution space in the Konami Penthouse, you sometimes see dances that are probably acceptable in Japan, but in America look gay. I don’t mean to offend the Japanese or gay people; I have nothing against homosexuals. “Gay” is just the overused description that comes up often. In Granzella’s diving game, when you just hover in the water, the movement of the guys flapping their arms looks un-masculine. Guys in Home cross-dress a lot, even if they don’t admit it. You ask most of the guys in Home about the salsa dance, and they will probably tell you it looks “gay.”
Is it a lack of tolerance? Or is it that we just have a different idea of what masculine is? Where do we get these ideas of masculinity?
They change from generation to generation. My grandfather served in World War II. He showed me pictures of his platoon before, and you see these guys who were soldiers with their arms around each other. They are very intimate. Intimacy is often confused with sexuality. Intimacy is just a sense of closeness or being very familiar. These guys were in a war, and one of the most brutal wars Americans have served in. They trusted each other with their lives and relied on each other. It is understandable that in a position where you serve in a foreign country you look at your fellow soldiers as family. You form bonds. When I played football, we had a similar relationship with our teammates.
When you grow up in a conservative nation, they build these ideas in your head about what is and what is not okay. A smile can be taken the wrong way. Hand touching is completely forbidden beyond a handshake. You can’t hug someone unless they are relatives. When in Home, people get very sensitive about masculinity. I think that must be why you see so many guys with thug pants, and guns either in their hands or strapped to their back. The girls don’t have that; they can be affectionate toward each other without anyone (for the most part) thinking they are lesbians. It seems so strange that guys do. You have to worry if you are doing something – or wearing something – someone will call you gay for. I wore on my avatar some casual wear, which was slacks and a blazer with no tie. I was just trying to dress nice, but someone came up to me and told me I looked gay.
Ever since my brother moved out of my parents’ house, when we see each other and part ways we hug each other. He seems to have a problem with that sometimes, because he always punches me on the shoulder. At first, I thought he was just being a typical jerk big brother, but I started noticing he looks around before he hugs me. I think he worries about people seeing him hug another guy, and he compensates with the punch in case someone sees him. I’ve never had a problem with it; I think I am secure in my sexuality to not have an issue with showing affection for my brother or telling my dad I love him.
It’s sad to hold yourself back because you’re afraid people will think you’re gay. So you’re not allowed to look soft or look cleaned up, then I guess you have to look like a thug or be armed to look like a man. That’s pretty dumb. Gay guys like guns too; a gun doesn’t make you look straight. But I guess that’s the idea the culture has people believing now. In football, it’s not uncommon to slap a team mate in the butt, but if you do that outside of the uniform or outside off the field, you get a punch in the face. It is strange and sort of funny I guess, but at the same time it is pathetic. These strange boundaries of what is masculine enough or not.
Some guys worry about being too close with another guy. We have sort of developed a stereotype of manhood, and that is all that’s acceptable, and if you aren’t that, then you must be gay or soft. That is such a double standard because all guys have bromances. Their best friends or best buddies are like brothers to them. Their relationship is very intimate, not sexually, but simply very close. There’s a close bond, but you’re only allowed to hug when you part ways for a long time, or put your arm around them when you take a picture.
Quit calling people “gay” just because they show affection for another guy, or doing a silly dance in Home, or not wearing thug pants or a gun on your avatar. It’s weird, and wrong, and I think people should grow up.
October 8th, 2012 by DonnyBee | 17 comments
Indeed. The idea of what constitutes as “gay” over in US Home I’ve noticed is much more a mine-field than that of the EU. I’ve been told my avi looks gay in both regions but then, when you wear nice stuff it’s bound to happen. As you pointed out though, I won’t dress my avi in trakies (jogging pants) and some god-awful top or strap him up with guns just to avoid that assumption. One of the biggest ironies of Home is the adopted gang mask, namely the Vega mask. For those of you unfamiliar with the Street Fighter games, Vega is a very (VERY) camp Spaniard -- the mask is to protect is pretty face in fights. Yet half of Homes “tough guys” wear it as a symbol of gang membership and obviously, to “look tough”. I just find it comical.
Out in the real world though, there are some very strange ideas to what makes a man gay. I was asked if I was gay because I don’t support a football team! The crazy thing about this attitude though is how destructive it is OUTSIDE the gay scene. The best friend I spent my life growing up with happened to be gay, as a result I’ve been dragged kicking and screaming like a petrified heterosexual male into that social net -- and I’m so much better for it. Infact it got to the point where if I was asked if I’d rather go to a straight club or a gay one for a night out, I’d say gay club! Every time. Wanna know why straight guys?
Straight club = “Are you lookin’ at may burd!?” fights, smashed pints over heads, fights over girls, fights over spaces at the bar, fights in the toilets… You get the idea.
Gay club = Jokes, laughs, crazy fun cocktails, silly dances, daft costumes, interesting people and usually ZERO bloody noses at the end of the night.
If more straight men could get over the fact that every gay man DOES NOT want to have sex with them, things would be instantly better. Heh, you cant blame us poor straight guys in a way though since we wanna have sex with stuff what, every 2.5 seconds? Apparently…
LOL Thank you. Here is a gay man’s experience in a straight bar.
goon “Why you talking at my girl”
girl “Baby he’s gay he’s just a friend”
goon “why you looking at me, f**!”
me “get over yourself!”
and Yes Donny! gay guys like guns too
and crossbows and swords and just about everything the NRA endorses as strictly all American male.
Hey Krazy, let’s also not throw all straight men under the ‘we love blood’ bus. Maybe you gotta hang out at better bars. Not all straight men are out to punch something. I’m straight and I don’t need to hurt anything to show I’m a man. This article is about just that. The perceptions.
yeah I am with you there Femaelstrom. I have to say what equals masculine to me has nothing to do with sexuality -which sort of negates the whole gay/straight masculinity theory.
Any dude that would call a man “gay” for wearing nice clothes has the maturity of a 12 year old- thus boy not man = not masculine… still baby.
I have met very extremely masculine men that prefer to sleep with other men… I have met guys that go through girls like bear in a Coors commercial and they are really not all that masculine. Man hos I don’t find so masculine- I find them insecure- equals 12 year old, equals not man thereby not masculine.
In my book a man takes responsibility- even when its hard to do so- even when it hurts him or he might be killed for standing up for something he believes in. (like your WWII)
In my book a man protects -He takes care of his loved ones the best way he knows how and provides for them. He comes to the rescue of his friends when need be. He works hard not for recognition but pulls his weight so his mates don’t have to.
In my book a man is self-reliant- but accepts the help and partnership of those he loves and cares about. He lets them know he appreciates their help and is unafraid to ask for it.
None of this remotely has anything to do with a man’s sexuality. It has nothing to do with it at all in fact. I cannot reiterate enough that I know gay men that are more “masculine” than straight men- and I say that in the most traditional terms of the definition. They could crack a straight man’s skull with no qualms. It happens.
But if you really want a definition of what a man is to me- look at Rudyard Kipling’s Poem “IF” and you have a good idea of what it takes to really be a man -and thereby Masculine
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jdkaLCGM5k&feature=related
Not sure I can measure up to that poem. But everything you said, I agree. Masculinity and sexual orientation are two different things. And for both of them, the way we we live is not to be make fun of,the difference celebrated.
Hhahaha! Yeah well, livin’ in Scotland it’s sometimes hard to find a pub without a fight y’know…
EDIT: That was @ FEMALESTROM, but I also really like Riff’s reply. : )
PS are you sure its not all the free drinks? *cheesy smile*
@Krazy
HAHAHA! Yeah, free drinks are always a plus! ; )
I think a lot of guys use female avys on Home to escape the judgement of not being macho. Using a female avatar allows them to be more sensitive in public and express a like in things they would be mocked for if people knew they were a guy.
Excellent article Donny, and you hit the nail on the head with it. I love the way you laid it all out and it is so true. The term “gay” used to mean happy or fun, now it is used to be derogatory to everyone for everything. At church we all hug each other, males, females it doesn’t matter. My males relatives all hug as well, I guess it is as much a matter of the way you were raised as anything else, and the generation you were raised in, as you pointed out.
Great read, and welcome to HSM!
The funniest thing about this article is that this is the truth in beyond so many forms. Many Males that would describe others of the same gender “gay” are dressed as the stereotype that defies the term i.e. Topless Torso item (Fei Long’s Torso is among the popular item many use to display their “tuff” persona) and Skinny Saggy Jeans.
Now there’s an article I can refer the many to when one wish to use the term “gay”. This was needed, like a breath of fresh-air.
Well said, well said indeed. Excellent article
My traditional garb is jedi armor. But I know that to look nice in my avy, I wear some pretty good looking clothes. Stuff that in the real world would probably get me a few second looks, because frankly it’s dashing. I never worry about what kids in Vega (thanks Krazy) masks and low slung jeans with guns on their backs think. It’s what I think of my self. Any man, who wants to be a man should do this…be who you want to be, and this comes from a guy that is strait as an arrow and does dress as a very sexy woman avy. Home to me is what I want it to be. Don’t worry about the people that would get snarky think. If a man wants to say something nice to a person man or woman, do it. A bow, or a wave, whatever. Regarding the word gay. If that word fell off the face of the planet, another one would replace it. I dress as I want, and don’t worry about anybody’s opinion.Great arty and glad you wrote. Do it again. Hope I got your point.
Donny I love that you wrote this article! I love that Home stimulates issues of social importance like this and I champion the fact that HSM lets us have this forum for thought… I think your brother is silly -and maybe someday he will grow out of it and become a real man.
NOTE: When a woman worth having sees a man hug another guy she thinks “wow, that guys is so worth knowing! He is secure with himself and unaffected by inane social morays that keep us from connecting with each other through compassion, love and caring.” Man, (no pun intended) they have even proven that hugs are healthy as they prevent stress and make us feel accepted.
Thanks again for this… Riff high fives, pats on rear, bumps knuckles with and hugs this writer.