Homewreckers: A Voyeur’s Look at Drama in Home
by Olivia_Allin, HSM team writer & photographer
I’m assuming this is happened to all of us at one time or another: driving down the road, we see the flashing lights of law enforcement and emergency responders. Traffic gets narrowed down to one lane, which causes an understandable bottleneck, but is exacerbated by the looky-lous that are rubbernecking as they creep by.
It is in most of our natures to not only be curious, but morbidly curious. As a television news videographer I was professionally morbidly curious. That, among other reasons, is why I get counseling for post-traumatic stress syndrome. While this might seem like an overdramatic comparison to life on PlayStation Home, I truly believe there are still strong parallels.
Unless you are very new, very lucky or very sequestered, you have probably more than once if not more than hundreds of times seen trolling, bullying, fights or other displays of disagreements. The reasons for this are as countless as the arguments themselves. And before you say, “Not again, Olivia, not another one of your rants on how bad trolls are or how we should deal with them,” this is not so much about the why it happens or how we should handle it if it does happen — I am focusing more on what we do when we do see it happen.
Back in the day when we still had the Fight Night public space, and I was still fairly new to Home, I would venture there and find an out-of-the-way vantage point from which I could observe. Almost without exception, within minutes, a fight between fams would break out. And even though I tend to uncomfortably overload when there is a mass concentration of multicolored moving text bubbles, and I’m not particularly fond of negativity, I would find myself unblinkingly drawn into the drama as it unfolded. Even to the point of sometimes getting involved.
Albeit on a much lesser scale normally, this would also happen in Central Plaza. This is how my hobby of being a counselor and peacemaker found its start. I found the challenge of applying a quarter-sized amount of common sense and respect, lather, rinse and repeat as needed to be not only rewarding for myself, but also to the ones involved, and often some bystanders in the community as a whole.
Notice I mentioned bystanders. Some try to cool things down, some throw gas on the fire and some just stand there and watch. These are the people I’m talking about. The people that are truly involved have reasons why they are involved, whether it’s voluntary or involuntary. An argument has to have a minimum of two parties involved. A troll or bully has to have at least one victim. But the bystanders are there for completely different reasons.
I often find myself eavesdropping or lurking just inside the text chat radius. I hope I’m not alone in doing that. The reasoning for why I do that can vary between the interest of the topic or information that’s being shared to curiosity of the motive behind this conversation to concern for the well-being of one or more people in the conversation and everything in between.
On September 11, 2001, like most people I know, I was transfixed and mesmerized by the television coverage of the worst terrorist attack ever perpetrated against the United States. Four years later, hurricane Katrina had the same effect on me. And again when the tsunami hit Japan.
In each of those instances I found myself neglecting sleep and chores and even eating and personal hygiene so I could absorb as much real-time information as the multiple channels that I jumped between could force feed me. I do not find pleasure in watching bad things happen to innocence. So what is the appeal? What causes a peace-loving person such as myself to watch the shock and awe campaign with both shock and awe?
That same question can be asked of reality television. What makes the painful awkwardness and drama feel like entertainment? And I use that term loosely, by the way. I am somewhat embarrassed to say I enjoy such shows as Big Brother, Survivor and The Amazing Race. I also like the show Wipeout for much the same reason. And I think it is the same reason why a lot of us are drawn to being bystanders in both the virtual and real world.
Of course, curiosity is a human trait and I also consider that a given. But I think the reason goes much deeper than that. For an example, automobile racing is an amazing sport watched by millions. I would hope that the main reason would be out of curiosity over who will win. But an underlying reason is the secret desire to see a wreck. The more flips, flames and carnage, the better. It’s sad but true. I truly hope that our desire to see such a thing is not based on our want to see someone hurt. Same thing goes with reality TV, the People’s Court or even scripted drama shows. I think it is more like a desire to experience something without the fear of having to deal with the consequences.
As I mentioned, I watch the show Wipeout. And while the host can be humorous and the situations and contestants are outlandish, I find some morose joy in watching someone kick themselves in the back of their own head while folding their body in a way that it was not designed to. While I’ve never seen them show anybody have to be carried out on a stretcher on that show and somehow everyone seems to be okay, I know that the human body is more resilient – and fragile – than we give it credit for. And while they shake off the butterflies and rub dirt on their ouchies and continue on getting pummeled by the padded obstacle course, I know that is very likely in the future that they may look back with regret. Not out of embarrassment for what they did on national television, but the voluntary abuse they put their body through.
Lessons can be learned by watching other people’s mistakes or misfortune. But I could not in good conscience claim that the bystander gene in our DNA is solely a teaching tool. When watching victims of a disaster whether it be natural or man-made, contestants in a physically painful game show, emotionally raw or physically drained participants in a reality show, or parties involved in public drama in our virtual world, I think we find relief that it is not happening to us. Relief is a wonderful feeling but normally the price for such a feeling is stress, in whatever form that stress may take. Finding a way to achieve relief at no cost to us is like a drug. Whether that drug is medicinal or recreational depends on the way we use it.
June 21st, 2012 by Olivia_Allin | 19 comments
Olivia_Allin is a team writer, photographer, model, curator, graphic artist, researcher and comic relief for HomeStation Magazine; she lives in Texas with her boyfriend, and Home is more than just a game to her. Years ago she discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. On weekends, to let off steam, she participate in full-contact origami. She saw a Bigfoot once, made a sound you never want to hear twice, and was so proud of her Special Olympics gold medal that she had it bronzed. She is, in her own words, adorkable.
Hi, Olivia
I have seen some crazy arguments in Home and some very funny ones. Strange as it sounds I have never been provoked to arguments. I have however broken up a bunch.
I once saw two groups fighting over pop up colors in our old mall. Seemed very important to the fam group that went rouge and broke away from the main group. lol?I left after 30 minutes and I do not remember seeing this group since them.
life changer.
Keep writing girlfriend. Love your articles!
I was thinking about the late Evil Kenevil as I read your article and I am a big NASCAR fan. I am proud to say that I watch because I truly love racing and the “bangs” and fires don’t thrill me, but it is sad to see the news gives it no coverage unless there is a fiery crash. And as for Evil Kenivel, let’s all be honest, nobody watched him to see him make the jump. With bad behavior, we all get to watch to see the evil and the voyueristic opportunity that presents itself in the form of some mad scientist who performs the inhuman and unthinkable, but we think, “hey, I didn’t cause that, so I can watch”. There is a streak in all of us at some point that allows our better sennses to watch and perhaps not do anything. I point no fingers, helzbelz I’ve done it. I’ve watched (not recently) and seen terrible things, but fortunatley the sit on your hands idea fades with maturity, and we become more involved in good community. Basically, it’s human nature to watch certain things we shouldn’t. It’s the guage of our maturity and responsibility that lets us change and become sympathitec and comassionate. Very good article.
Super Article Olivia! I once took a class that was dedicated almost solely to the pursuit of the answer to that question. Why do we create tragedy? I mean when you look at the drama icons there is a sad face next to the happy one. Comedy AND Tragedy.
I believe you are correct when you say that it has to do with learning. I think human beings learn COMPASSION through SUFFERING. Most of the time it takes personal suffering, but a few of us are empathetic enough to understand suffering through another.
As far as human suffering goes on a grand scale, I remember this quote at the end of the movie STARMAN with Jeff Bridges when the alien is asked what he likes about human beings in replies, “You are at your best when things are at their worst.”
e.g. when there is a event like a 911 or a Japanese Tsunami, people lose their differences of opinion, they sometimes lose their personalities, and often lose their ever present need to compete. They come together and surmount what is seemingly insurmountable -we triumph -we adapt -we change -we grow.
On a personal basis I can tell you I have experienced this on a microcosmic level. I lived on a tall ship for a while with a bunch of people -out at sea when a storm hits -there is no chance to fight with each other -instead one simply does the next most logical thing to keep oneself alive. The focus is on the sea. My personality disappeared. My inadequacies were not counted. There was only “what is the thing that I can do to help us stay alive?”
After one experiences something of this kind of magnitude I think one is forever changed. The bar for what is truly significant changes. Squabbling about trolls on a virtual site sort of seems inane. There is a different perspective that is cut loose to wander in one’s grey matter.
I had a captain I much admired who said: “on a ship a mistake can be deadly. If there is a problem I want to know. If you are honest that is all that I require.” And when I did fail to do something correctly I remember mustering my courage to tell him. I was ready to be dressed down shamefully amongst my peers. But something quite different happened.
His reply defined the perspective I now find myself partaking in when in the throws of any would-be lifetime disaster. A criteria that seems to flow as naturally through my thought processes as rivers flow to the sea.
1. Is anyone hurt?
2. Can it be fixed?
3. How long will it take to fix?
I have said it like a manta at times… and I find that it always puts me into the solution rather than the problem. A very productive place to be.
I take this criteria into account when I happen upon one of your “homewreckers.” I try to assess how harmful their infraction is. And, I try and talk with them if I have the time. And sometimes what I call a “Golden Moment” occurs. I actually think that they might or seem to be good people. Maybe even a person that would tow the line next to me if we were immersed in a greater human tragedy.
But if I cant talk to them I just beat them over the virtual head with my virtual stick -heh.
Hmm, anyone that knows me well enough knows I’ll only tolerate a troll for so long. I’ll either end up all over them till they have to run, or I’ll simply leave the space if I don’t have the energy or time for it. As fir the rubbernecking, human design isn’t it? I’d like to think that (much like the animal kingdom) we have a pre-programmed DNA incentive to learn from looking, but that’s probably not the case. I think, regardless of what we think are our true intentions, we have all have a depth to ourselves that we explore with our empathy, and sometimes, a celebration of others suffering. I’m not saying I do the latter, in fact I avoid it. Like the Machinima vid Norse posted in another article, as soon as I saw the real footage kick in I stopped watching. Not because I’m a frail little mind easily corrupted by such images, but because when I see someone who has lost everything they hold precious, my empathy gland goes into overdrive!
That’s not to say I’m any kind of White Knight of Homeland either! In fact, I like to watch people and see HOW they deal with their attackers. Will they sink or will they swim? Let’s watch shall we! The fundamental difference about this ethos and its transformation from Home to RL is the real world carries real consequences. If it becomes something more of a gangbang of famboys on one avi then sure, I’ll step in (and I’ll enjoy it too) but I don’t see any harm in allowing people to see the true face of Home as a learning experience. I don’t wanna sound creepy when I say this (although I so totally will!) but I like people watching. I like observing the interactions of friends, families and the juiciest of all, the secret lovers. Ooh! TA-BOO! lol
Fantastic article Olivia, thanks.
“The fundamental difference about this ethos and its transformation from Home to RL is that the real word carries real consequences.”
Interesting statement.
I don’t know if I can accept this as entirely true. In some cases the outcome may be the same. The mind has a terrible, and awfully lovely way of tricking the rest of our being into thinking things are real even though we are in a “virtual reality.”
In light of your reply on the “Bed” article you must see how this statement might be met with some wry and humorous disbelief. (As riff cocks her head to the side and issues a lopsided smile while the penetrating tiger in her looks knowingly at you.)
I do understand why someone might stand aside and watch for several different reasons, however. One, good reason is that sometimes “help” is not wanted or needed. A Second reason is that sometimes we want and need to see what our subject is made of- i.e. their integrity -in the truest sense of that word -as in “what can be withstood without failing.” And lastly, sometimes it is prudent and wise to allow the subject the learning experience -the knowledge that they are capable of coping with, and conquering something that they themselves need to learn how to deal with allows them to become a stronger person. This can be quite rewarding for the subject.
Olivia suggests that to stand aside and watch suffering is to be sociopathic and sadistic, but above are some fine reasons why it might be justifiable, wise and prudent. In fact I have lost a friend for trying to “help” before.
“When I see someone that has lost everything that they hold precious, my empathy gland goes into overdrive!”
There is a simple truth that is oft quoted as follows:
“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to stand by and nothing.” -Edmund Burke
If we are to take Mr. Burke at his word, it is simply not necessary to be a “white knight” -one needs only to be a “good man” willing to be called into action.
It is nice to know that there are some left in this world.
http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Edmund_Burke
Yeah, I was just pointing out how some people can get carried away with Home romance in that “Bed” article really. The whole trolling thing though is about strength of the mind I think. I’m kinda glad their around sometimes really, keep you on your toes, y’know. If someone’s being harassed and clearly can’t handle it however I think any good bystander would jump in, wouldn’t they? Maybe I’m just giving people too much credit.
The idea of the consequences of trolling in Home having a direct effect on someone, as opposed to some crazy person dancing in your face and calling you a noob in real life, is that in Home you can just flick the off switch. I’m not going stand here and say something blatantly stupid like “well it’s not real life is it? So it shouldn’t matter”. Absolutely, the interactions we can with people within Home can be VERY real for us (hence the Home romances) but when it becomes detrimental to our state of mind, we should be able to remember that there are plenty of escape routes from any given situation in Home; that the off switch is never far away.
As for standing by and watching; well it’s a bit like teaching a child to ride a bike, you gotta let go some time right? They’ll never learn to balance if they don’t have a few scrapes first.
I truly hope that it did not suggest that the standby to be sadistic or sociopathic. There are many reasons why people get involved or do not get involved. If you do not have the tools for the situation, I recommend not getting involved. Real people’s feelings are at stake. The on off switch on the PlayStation only determines whether or not power is going to your game system, it does not remove emotional bruising that may have already taken place. Feelings experienced on Home are not virtual.
Like I said at the beginning of the article, the article was not about how to handle such situations but more of why people seem drawn to said situations, whether they get involved or not. And like I said, I think it has to do a lot with the curiosity of man. And I know I only glazed over it at the very end, but I truly believe that relief plays a big part in the voyeurism. If you step in, which I often do, or if you stay out and just watch, which I often do, that is a judgment call that only you can make for your own reasons. If you bring nothing to the table, don’t come to the table. If you’re there degrees the tracks of the runaway train and escalate, you’re off-track. If you’re there to gently dispense reason and understanding and can do so without causing injury to anyone and you feel up to it, then by all means, go for it. Honor doesn’t always mean being a hero. Knowing that you may not have all the answers or knowing when you’ve bitten off more than you can chew and should back out is honorable. Knowing to stay ready in your lifeguard tower until you’re sure it really is a shark or that someone is about to drown before you spring into action is also honorable. If you’re standing by just for the entertainment factor, who am I to say that is wrong. The situation would probably have happened whether you are standing there or not. If you are truly standing by and not adding to the situation then that can be as innocent as watching the news at night.
to grease*… i use a voice dictation program… to grease the tracks not degress
Olivia,
Well played this last comment but my supposition about the sadistic and sociopathic came from your “morbid fascination.” My bad. I agree with your statement about honor whole-heartedly. In fact I had a discussion about honor with a very close friend of mine just recently that profiled that same thought… to stand down and let the person handle things themselves… yes this too is honor.
I agree very much with what Krazy says pertaining to this article. The only thing that I could add about the virtual vs. physical reality is that feelings -though intangible -can be just as damaged as flesh, and, this is sometimes more difficult psychologically for the subject, as there is no physical evidence of a wound. I would add that for the most part we are mature people engaging in fun here- so… yes we can separate, for the most part, what is virtual from what is a physical reality. There are people that engage in the virtual reality that cannot separate it from the physical. I have met a couple. And the fact that it is a virtual site does not mean that there are no consequences to an avatar’s verbal or -as you point out in the bed article -their avatar’s physical actions. Manipulating, or capitalizing on a person’s goodness and generosity can be just as despicable as physically hitting them or even worse. I know a couple of men on HOME who have fallen victim to a fleecing, so I know it happens.
I do not, however, feel relieved when something bad happens to my friends or someone that I know Olivia. I am an empathetic creature by my nature, and so thereby feel more stress instead. I feel as if it is my duty to do something to help. As Krazy mentioned “as any decent person would.”
I do not think you are giving people too much credit Krazy. I think most people are decent- that has been my experience. But then I tend to be drawn to decent people and surround myself with them if I can. In my world the insidious cad seems to the exception to the rule.
As I mentioned above I have faced some things in my lifetime that have given me a different perspective on what is actually tragic or worth counting as a serious situation. Thereby avs fighting over a public domain, or yelling at each other about stupid games… or virtual relationships it is kind of not worth my woe. It is as they say a victimless crime. But when someone is ganged up on and put down it by a group of others… I think as Mr. Burke states, it is time for the “good man” to be called into action.
Once again great article Olivia! Thank you!
If the bad is happening to a friend then it involves you in a way and I agree that would cause stress. The relief I meant comes from complete uninvolvement.(spell check says that is not a word)
yeah Liv I never feel relieved at the fact that someone else is facing misfortune -whether or not I know them. As I quoted in the comment I wrote for Norse on the 9 meals article. No man is an island unto himself… It comes from John Donne’s Meditation 17. I guess if I feel anything in by-standing it would be more something like gratitude that I have already learned a certain lesson that someone else is having to go through. The key phrase in Donne’s work for me is -any man’s death [here substitute misfortune] diminishes me because I am involved in mankind.
I am as Krazy says no white knight, but e.g. you know with the mortgage loan meltdown and the economic collapse, people were so willing to stand by and let people get burned, or actually do the work of diminishing someone else for their own benefit. The end result was a sum total we all have to live with and pay for. We collectively can surmount incredible odds and do things that we as individuals would name as impossible. And yet we continue to be our own worst and only natural enemies. But this is far outside the scope of a Home discussion and I have not yet decided to run for office. Heh.
There was a very nasty fight in the Casino last night involving several ‘women’ (they were wearing female avatars and claimed to be women irl). It was vile, trashy, vulgar, and embarrassing to hear. Those of us who were playing poker at the tables were forced to see the texts going on around us. There was no escaping from it. When they finally got to the point of accusing each other of unnatural activities with farm animals, I couldn’t stand anymore so I spoke up (shouted in caps, actually) that there were young teenagers in Home and this was no way to act in public. Some of the poker players thanked me for taking action. But most just kept their heads down and pretended nothing was happening.
One of them even bragged that this was one of her alt accounts because she had been banned already. I am just stunned. Is this the way they act in real life? Do they have so little self-respect that they would conduct themselves like this in public?
The answer to that is probably yes Granny. I think a lot of them don’t have any self respect and it is the root of their problems. I would report someone like that in a heartbeat, especially after they bragged about it being an alternative account, probably one they used for just that purpose.
Keara my hat is off to you. I am sure that there were many people that appreciated the fact that you were bold enough to say something. It is unfortunate that the results are probably closer to what Burbie proposes.
Nice article Olivia. I like to people watch sometimes, but I rarely have the time for it. I don’t really hang out in public spaces much anymore unless there is a reason for being there like reward hunting or a party I have been invited to.
I don’t watch racing, not because of the crash thing but because I find it boring and I am not a sports fan anyway. I don’t watch the news at all anymore, I catch any “big” stories on the ticker tape that runs on top of my computer screen. I am more of a person who tries to avoid “drama” as much as I can in Home, there is enough of it in real life for me. I will step in if by chance I see someone being hurt by others in public though, or to help a new person learn stuff.
Life is too short to get caught up in drama that isn’t your own, and that is rarely in short supply anyway in this day and age.
Curiosity is what drives a lot of this voyeurism you speak of, we are all very curious creatures, you only have to watch a child for awhile to figure that out. Some may have a more morbid reasoning, but most I think are merely curious about what is going on. Good article!
I personally witnessed you have to go through something with an av that threw a temper tantrum on you Burbie… and I can tell you that you are one of the most kind and gracious and patient people I know. I was the one up in arms and irate over the whole fiasco.
Public spaces hold less and less interest for me as time wears on.
i do “eyedrop” a lot on conversation. I do listen to others peoples conversation in physical world to. Just a bad habit i think. I’m not a big fan of realty show though. Curiosity killed the cat they say. Lucky i must have 9 lives then
I usually move away from childish fight. Might report if i feel the need to. But reporting an alternate account is useless…
One thing i’ll do on home and never in physical is drop a comment. Usually a “smart ass” comment. Hey! no one’s perfect!
I spend time people watching alot because I will be sitting at a place for awhile while I work on the computer. Most of the time I just giggle at the absurdity of the conversations, but there are few times I do interject my thoughts into one of them. It is usually when people say I am bored and there is nothing to do on Home…
Hey Olivia! I just met you yesterday at Sports Walk and we had a very interesting conversation! I find your writing magnificent and more people need to read your articles to get a better perspective on the social life of PS Home. Hope to see you again soon so we can talk again and thanks for showing me this amazing website! Bye!