The Things Avatars Say
by Dlyrius, HSM team writer
Home is pretty damn funny most of the time. Once you get past the default barrages of Hello, Where are you from?, Hey Sexy, and Add Me, there are some very interesting conversations to be seen and had by anyone willing to pick up a keyboard and put themselves out there. They vary from mundane weather topics to intellectual and philosophical discussions. But my favorites are the ones that get me laughing so hard I almost wet my pants.
I hang out in the Hub every morning just to wake up and smell the Diet Coke. Not only is this a great place to zone out while you wait for caffeine to kick in, but it’s an awesome spot to get a feel for the pulse of the network. If it’s going to happen, it will happen in the Hub. While this isn’t my favorite chill spot, it’s the inspiration for many of my HSM articles.
Who says Home isn't like real life?
You’ll often find me hanging out on the dance floor just listening to (well, reading) the conversations that surround me. And, more often than not, I am very glad that my avatar isn’t showing what is happening on my side of the controller, or she would be permanently stuck in the “laugh” and “coy” poses. In fact, that coy pose cracks me up, since it looks like someone doing a potty dance and scanning the horizon for the nearest bathroom.
If I remain in one area long enough, a group of my friends invariably gathers around me. After a non-stop series of introductions and greetings, some sort of chatter begins, and we never know where it might go. The fact is, any conversation around me is liable to go anywhere and everywhere, since I surround myself with intelligent and imaginative folks. Dry humor and sarcastic wit are never in short supply. These conversations make coming on each day more than a pleasure — they are a staple in my emotional and mental diet.
Some of the conversations I observe are downright hilarious. A few days ago, I was doing my usual morning wake-up routine at the Hub while some folks standing near me discussed their games. One of them sheepishly admitted to playing on their parents’ Wii gaming system. And, while it was fun, holding the controller had made them feel “dirty,” like they were “cheating on their PS3 console.”
That struck me as funny: first, the embarrassed confession, then the reaction of their friends — a resounding bout of laughter. I doubt they would have reacted that way if someone had admitted to owning and using an Xbox 360. Many gamers have a variety of consoles they use regularly. So why was the Wii embarrassing? I think it was like how we hardcore IRC folks used to rib anyone who showed up with an AOL address. Like it was a fake ISP — or as we called it, a “blonde” provider — so they couldn’t possibly know how to chat properly. We just waited for them to call the “channel” a “room” — a dead giveaway, like default clothing on Home.
But now I have the same problem on Home. I don’t refer to my screen name as my ID — to me it is a Nick (short for nickname). Does that make me the uncool noob, or does it make everyone who wasn’t born when IRC was popular a clueless beginner? Chances are, neither is the case — we just use the terms in use within our own online community. What I would have called a private channel has turned into a private space, because on Home, “channels” are for chat, and we have this awesome 3D world where we can invite our friends for a face-to-face visit. This new online world is truly great, and I love every minute of it.
I think he sent me a random Friend Request yesterday!
But I digress. Let’s get back to our topic.
One thing I have noticed is that your attire can dictate the direction of any conversation on Home. When I dress up, the comments, discussions, and overall demeanor of the chat tends to be mature. But if I chose something a little more revealing or “saucy”, it heads straight into the Pick Up Zone From Hell.
Now, I’m not saying that I run around in the nDreams gold Amazon outfit, or select the ginormous mammaries from Mass Media as my shirt du jour. I just mean something that shows a little skin, like shorts or a tank top — something suitable to a hot day. Almost immediately, every Tom, Dick, and Harry is up in my face, dancing all over my avatar. If I get really lucky, I get a free pelvic exam! How sweet is that?
To me, comments like “Hey Sexy”, “You Look Hot Ma”, and “I Could Eat That” would be insane in real life public use. Yet on Home, they are completely normal. I chalk it up as a perv or a troll, and ignore it.
I find it extremely funny that these people get all hot and bothered over a virtual girl. They go after her like Babe Ruth would chase a baseball. Come on, people, is your real life that bad? The fun part begins when they ask me my age. I can almost see their jaws drop and their faces flush when I answer. If a keyboard could stutter, it would, as they try to find some way to save face before running off in shame. Can you imagine one of them saying something like this to their real-life grandmother? I think not — but it always makes me laugh. Freedom of speech is our right here in the United States, but sometimes things are better left unsaid.
Finally, we have costume options straight from our wildest dreams. In Home, you can be anything from an alien or a hamster, to a hot dog or a pickle. Choices are limited only by your wallet and imagination.
One of my dearest friends is the master of outrageous costumes. In fact, I met him because of one of his mix-and-match selections. He was so funny, I simply had to go up, introduce myself, and tell him how much I appreciated his efforts. This in turn sparked a friendship I value to this day. He always has something positive to say, and his sense of humor is second to none. (Boo, you know who you are!)
Pretty much says it all doesn't it?
I have my silly days too, and when those happen, you are likely to find me wearing something completely nuts and loving every minute of it. The people I meet on those days are usually the keepers. They aren’t there to be VIP, and they aren’t there to find a place to park a virtual stiffy for two seconds. They are the ones who are there to socialize and make friends. They don’t judge me by my appearance — they go with the flow and get to know the person inside the suit. For me, that is all I could ask for in a friend.
I have to say that the funniest and most original conversation I have had on Home was when I was mugged in Central Plaza. I don’t mean perved or trolled — I mean mugged. I was chatting with some friends, when a fellow came up and said “Hi.” We all greeted him back, and the next sentence he typed stunned me for a moment. Then I simply cracked up.
First, he asked for some spare change. When I indicated I didn’t have any, he “stole my purse” and ran off across the plaza. I just stood there for a couple seconds, then burst out laughing — so hard, in fact, that I chased him down and complimented him on his originality. I would have let him keep my purse if I had actually been carrying one at the time.
Regardless of the circumstances, and his inability to physically mug me and steal my purse, this encounter was beyond amusing. I love people, and I enjoy 99% of my interactions with them on Home. And I hope that I run across more folks with this kind of creative genius, out-of-the-box thinking, and just plain wit, to keep the laughter coming.
Because, as we all know, laughter is the best medicine.
May 26th, 2012 by Dlyrius | 13 comments
Dlyrius, a native Oregonian, has been an internet chat addict since the days of the old BBS services.
Some guy asked me at the Playground public space once why they don’t have bathrooms in home. I told him because we don’t have plumbers. he said he could do it.
LOL!
Obviously this guy thought with some perspective about the situation he was creating! Too funny!!!
Great article
Thanks, to date that is still the funniest thing I have had happen to me on home and I wish I could have filmed it
@Jersquall, Home can NEVER have plumbers! That’s strictly a Nintendo thing, so you’ll have to keep peeing in those virtual bushes. Just make sure it’s a real bush and not someone in costume.
I have a ‘Crazy person’ outfit I like to don when I’m in a silly mood. You can’t miss me; paper bag on the head, sandwich board over the chest. You’ll usually spot me crying that “THE END COMMETH! THE BINARY 2 IS HERE AMONGST US” etc etc.
Fun read as ever Dlyrius, you have a knack of making me smile. : )
LOL I am glad you liked it, and I hope if I ever see you running around with your end of the world garb, I am wearing my trash can following you around reminding folks to GIVE A HOOT DON’T POLLUTE!
Hahahaha! Now THAT I’d like to see Dlyrius!
It’s a date! lol
When I first got into Home I was blessed with meeting a guy named Rap, who has to be one of the funniest people I have ever met. When the alien costumes that look like a flying saucer with a million eyes in the bubble ( you know the one I mean) came out he and I would go to plaza together. I would dress up as a huge male bouncer to play his bodyguard as the “alien” took a survey from anyone present about their thoughts on alien takeover of Earth. He would say things like “We have been monitoring your media and we know that you like explosions and there will be plenty of those.” And at the end of the survey he promised that there would be plenty of pie to eat.
The times I spent with him had me laughing so hard I literally got side aches and had tears running down my face.
You never know who you will meet in Home, that is why it is smart to let people at least try to hold a conversation with you before you brush them off as new.
Great article as always Dlyrius!
I have to totally agree Burbie, it is very rare I immediately brush anyone off just in case
Boy did i laughed on home. I have so many silly and good friends. I might try the HUB for morning wake-up. I love weel tought original ID too. I friended IIIllllIIIllIl (or something close
) Just for that
OH I love original nicks, and there are some seriously funny ones out there.. If you do show up at the Hub, I will save you a spot and a diet coke!
Your articles are sooo much fun to read! That genuine Dlyrius personality shines through; I just start laughing cause I can invision YOU in each scenario peeing in your panties! ROFL! You ARE the bomb my friend “D!”
Aww thanks B, I am glad I can bring you some laughter as well! Thank God for for panty liners LOL!