The Friend List Evolution
by Dlyrius, HSM team writer
We all have a friend list, and most of us wish we weren’t limited by its capacity. I know that’s the case with me. Can’t have too many friends, especially in this day and age when we all need a support network. Many times I see folks saying, “Add Me,” and I really wish I could — but as we all know, sometimes that list just gets too full and we don’t want to delete the friends we already have.
I guess that’s what prompted me to write an article on the evolution of my own friend list since I started in Home. It’s been a wild ride, and it ain’t over yet.Everyone has different criteria for adding and deleting folks from their lists. Mine are fairly simple, but quite varied.
- First, I have to actually chat with you for at least five minutes; I don’t add random folks just for fun, because now my space is at a premium.
- Second, I usually have to actually like talking to you. Now this isn’t always the case; I do add a lot of folks temporarily to give what I call a Gifting Tour. These are generally reserved for new folks and designed to help get them get started with some new stuff to decorate with, as well as see parts of Home they may not get to see.
It wasn’t always this way, of course. When I was new myself, things were different — and I have discovered that my priorities for adding and deleting have changed over the two years I have been in Home so far. So let’s take a little peek into what it takes to make the list in my world.
First Year: Um, yeah. I didn’t have any friends during my first weeks in Home because I wasn’t sure how to add them. Once I figured it out, oh boy, was it on! Pretty much anyone I spoke to who had half an active brain cell made the list. I do remember visiting Little Big Planet in those early days and made a friend that I still know to this day; he is a great guy and always fun to talk with.
At one point, I managed to reach thirty-seven friends on my list and ran into the now all too familiar “FULL” error. I thought, “Holy cow, I can only have thirty-seven people on my list?” You can imagine my relief when the bug worked itself out and I discovered I could add up to one-hundred people! I thought to that should be plenty. Boy was I wrong.
As time went by, I ran with a particular crowd of folks and pretty much stuck with an average of about thirty to fifty friends, give or take. We spent hours goofing around, playing games and just exploring what Home had to offer. But, like always, things change. Some of the friends I made in those early days are still friends today, but most have gone by the wayside for one reason or another. As I learned new things, like glitching, visiting closed spaces and hunting rewards, my core group seemed to change. I was branching out into the clique of the old timers. You know them: the folks that have been here since day one. They are quite a diverse group, and very secretive for the most part. They might tell you how long they have been on Home, but the chances of them showing a “noob” the secrets to getting on the benches at Central Plaza were pretty slim unless you were deemed worthwhile and trustworthy. Luckily I fit that mold and learned a lot that first year.
(Editor’s note: this publication does not support the belief that longevity in Home enhances a person’s value by default.)
Second Year: This is when Home really began to change for me. First of all, we had the Great PSN Outage. I was really bewildered, because I was just coming to truly enjoy spending a lot of time on Home. I suffered through it like most of us did and was elated when it was finally back online. I remember that day like it was yesterday, and I swear if my housemate had tried to take over the television to watch a movie I would have locked him in a closet until I was so tired of typing my fingers cramped up. It was almost like my drug dealer had gotten out of jail and I could finally get a fix again.
(By the way, did I happen to mention that I am totally addicted to Home?)
Anyway, I quickly slipped back into the comforts of Central Plaza and caught up with all my friends. It was glorious.
Of course, things always slow down for the holidays, spring break, and summer vacations. Folks come and go with some regularity, so I had to find a way to entertain myself. This is when I discovered decorating. We won’t go too far into that subject; that alone could fill several articles if I really got going on it. Suffice it to say that I love decorating. I spent hours fiddling with my spaces when there were no friends to chat with.
Then it dawned on me: what good does it to to decorate these things if no one ever sees them?
That is when my friend list started to become a revolving door. While I keep as many of my friends as possible, I find myself having to clean the list more and more often these days. At first it was just the temporary additions I made to give a gifting tour. But I am finding, more often than not, that during these tours I develop a friendship with the folks I am gifting and I don’t want to delete them. It almost feels like Home’s version of a one-night stand. Everyone has some quality to offer others that will enrich their lives in one way or another, so I am left with a problem.
My friend list is maxed out most of the time, and I really don’t want to delete anyone, so what do I do? Stop helping newbies so I don’t have to handle the temporary adds? Not an option. Do I make a second account just for gifting? Not going to happen; I have way too much invested in the account I have now, and I can’t afford a second account.
Perhaps I should make a rule for those on my list. If I don’t talk to you at least once a month, you get nuked. It is a viable option, but it just seems rude to me. I understand people get busy, and there will be times when for one reason or another they don’t have time to chat. Besides, I have to admit, I am really bad about seeking out folks myself. I tend to get busy, and unless someone shows up to say hi, I am oblivious. So how can I expect others to abide by a rule to be my friend when I can’t honestly say I follow it myself? That isn’t what being someone’s friend is all about. To me, it is about being there for someone even if you haven’t seen them in years.
Third Year: As I now enter this era of my Home existence I am still plagued with this problem and I don’t see a solution coming on the horizon any time soon. We are all limited by Sony to the number of “friends” we are allowed to have at any given time.
What I would love to see is something along the lines of a separation of friends from acquaintances. That would not only allow us to keep our beloved friends, but it would also give us the option to temporarily add
someone to get to know them, or simply join them in some endeavor or game before letting them go on about their own Home life activities. It could even have an expiration date optionally built in.
Along the same lines — and yes, this has been brought up ad nauseam by the community before, and I’m sure there’s a litany of technical hurdles involved — but perhaps second only to expanding the friend list capacity is the need to allow users to belong to more than just five clubs. Lord knows I sure didn’t have any use for them my first year, but as time has gone by and I have gotten more and more involved in Home, I find the restrictions here to be stifling as well. Why am I forced to leave a club I love because I have to attend a meeting? Granted, most of my friends are very understanding because this issue has come up more than once in the last couple of months. So how about giving us the same options with clubs? I would love to be able to designate “Fun” versus “Business” clubs. I don’t know about you, but being the type of person I am, I tend to have more than five interests at a time.
Obviously, Sony is intent upon making Home into a game platform, and there is sound business logic behind this. Yet there is also business logic in catering to the user base that has stuck around for years, and what sort of social enhancements would entice them to spend more time and money on the service. Because, as hard as this is to quantify on a spreadsheet, it’s not just about the games.
May 19th, 2012 by Dlyrius | 25 comments
Dlyrius, a native Oregonian, has been an internet chat addict since the days of the old BBS services.
I agree with all of what you said here Dlyrius. I have said these things many times myself, and I have had to drop people I didn’t want to for a lot of different reasons. I am always polite about it and give them an explanation, but it still stinks that I have to do it at all. The club thing is the same, having to juggle them constantly to do interviews and the like is a big hassle. I do hope they give us more options soon. Nice read.
Thanks Burbie, it can be almost heart breaking to hit that delete button on someone you met and really enjoyed chatting with, but haven’t seen for some time. Hopefully this will be addressed so we do not have to make these decisions
I do like the idea being able to have more clubs. I have, likewise, quit clubs for on reason or another. It is a great way to extend your cirlce of without extending the FL Max.
Very enjoyable article to read.
thank you kindly
Circle of friends*
I really like the business and friends club idea! That would be growth for Home. Allocation up to the eyeballs for Sony I imagine, but definitely growth.
This has needed it’s own article, and this is a really good one Dlyrius!
Great actress BTW!
Thanks Godz, as for the great actress, I would like to thank the Academy, my Mom and the endless hours I spent sitting on my arse while dressed as a demon to perfect the part LOL
I know right!?
Just had my 1 year anniversary on may 18. My friend list is not full yet but i do know some friends who do have this problems. The club limit is my big issue. I already had to permenently delete 2
And worst is the number of ID limit in a club. I have a full club and it’s an every week dilemma.
yay doc, congrats on marking that one year anniversary!
I seem to be the only one that doesn’t have a problem with the 100 friends maximum. I just can’t keep track of or active with 100 people. I do two things. One is to scroll to the bottom of my list once a month and delete people who haven’t been on line for a month or so. I can’t consider myself close to someone I haven’t talked to (or probably thought about) for a month. The second thing is that I’m very picky about people that I add. My privacy settings don’t allow for random friend requests, btw.
I’m with Kass; been on Home for over three years now and I’ve still not seen the limit to my list.
i run into it constantly, on average i add new people every day to do the gifting tours. now and then i forget to remove them afterwards, or strike up a friendship with them in the process.. i love the networking aspects of my friends list, i always seem to know someone who can answer a question i cant and it comes in very handy
I agree with Kass and Terra on this one. I dont see the point of adding someone that I am not going to “know” -I never did. I like what you said about talking to someone and liking them. But even at the beginning if I talked with someone a bit I could tell whether it would be long term or not. I like everyone but reserve the love for the friendships -and of course I have plenty of space for a temporary add if I need one. but I make that clear from the onset. There is no way I could with the rest of my life be friends with 100 people -a good friend anyway.
First, I want to thank president Obama for popularizing the word “folks” :-/
I can’t imagine filling up my friends list, what a pain in the rear it would be just to try to remember who is who, under 20 is manageable for my taste. More than that, it just becomes to dramatic and to much effort to try to maintain
I don’t think they will add more slots to the friend list. I’ve reached my comfort zone of about 25 or so. If I could Dlyrius I’d lend you some of mine!
aww that is sweet of you ted, i wish you could
I’m in agreement with the posters that
Oh! That comment did go through! Sorry for the odd post above, my iPhone took a fit in the coffee house as I was trying to post my comment and I gave up! What I was going to say was…
I’m in agreement with the posters that said they only add people unless they really see a future as friends. I’m not sure what number my FL is at but I know it’s not (or ever will be) maxed out. I like to give my full attention to what friends I have, spreading yourself thin can be good for keeping the distance (and therefor avoiding sad times) but I’m an all-or-nothin’ kinda person for the most part. Sure there are people on my list I don’t see that often, but they still get my full attention when required. As for the delete criteria, I’ll give you just over 6 months of inactivity on PSN before you get the boot.
Nice read as always Dlyrius.
Thanks KrazyFace,
I guess the biggest problem here is calling the list a “friends” list. It should be called an acquaintance list. Much like Home, in real life I meet people very easily, but unlike Home making it to my real friends list isn’t a willy nilly selection. My Home list really is a revolving door because of the gifting tour adds, temp adds I do to help folks, and the ones that make the list for club activities etc. The true friends on both my real and Home lists know who they are
i do the same ting Dly its not hard at all to keep up with 100 friends i do delete after 3 months but its rare.i just takes a little of your time to send a hello mssg time to time to check up on em but like greeting cards and thank you note, i guess most dont take the time anymore.another great read
Aww thanks Sparky, you rock my list you know
u need more than 5 clubbs huh ? well i need more than 100 clubs. i look after like 4 or 5 fams, more than 8 clubs n 2 regions & 3 clans LOL.
Warm.. indeed..
We have a verse in our holy book, The Qur’an, can’t help but to bring it up (and think about it) after reading the article, and I am not the type who would drag religion into a conversation.. unless provoked.. but hey! Friendship! And here, it is overwhelming!).
Qur’an -- Surat Al-Ĥujurāt (The Rooms), verse 13: “O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of God is the most righteous of you. Indeed, God is Knowing and Acquainted.”
Yes, we are all from Adam and Eve.. made into many peoples and nations.. God states clearly the reason for such outcome, (became nations and tribes), is that we would come to know each other, and hopefully to become friends.. good friends..
I think it’s big.. =)
SONY should increase the limit.. I haven’t maxed out yet.. but I don’t know what I would do if that happened..
Anyhow, currently I keep a small notebook with me whenever I log in, I write bits and pieces about any person I meet and add after a good long chat: like age, place, background, work, interests/hobbies, likes/dislikes.. so, even if I ended up deleting someone one day, I’ll know who they were if I had to add them again.. =)
Lovely article Dlyrius!
Thank you, to this day it is very difficult for me to delete anyone no matter the reason. I guess i am just sentimental about the folks who touch my life..