Barroom Brawlers
“It’s not even about the **** rope anymore. It’s about this self-appointed group of posters who believe they have an entitlement to make pronouncements on behalf of “the community” merely because they’ve been posting ridiculously often for so many years.“
–Excerpt from the Sony forum
It’s an age-old question – why do some people come into Home looking for a fight? Is real life so frustrating and demeaning that only by working themselves into a lather and taking offense to anything that comes along can they feel they have a meaningful existence?
I’ll give you a scenario: South Bronx, the 1960’s, in a blue-collar bar, packed with first generation residents – the descendants of immigrant families desperate to have a new life by coming to America.
It doesn’t take long – “Are you lookin’ at me?”
“What’s your problem, chump? You wanna take it outside?”
“Stop eyeing my girlfriend!”
And then the name calling begins – and the racial slurs – and the threats.
Fast forward fifty years – the scenario: Central Plaza (or now, the Hub). The same pent-up anger looking for release is evident. The suspicion and distrust of anyone who is not part of the group is so palpable you can almost taste it in the air. The name-calling, the racial slurs, and the threats.
But now there is a new version of the neighborhood saloon: the Sony forum. In a recent topic thread regarding a test being run by Sony for input on how to design and implement a new ‘loyalty rewards’ system in Home, something as simple as a rope across an empty staircase caused these emotions to erupt. The discussion of the effects of roping off a staircase quickly got lost as word spread that here was a golden opportunity to launch personal attacks on others.
If you can read the Sony forum’s more vehement arguments without feeling ill, you have a stronger stomach than I do. It is the classic barroom brawl scenario except for some interesting differences:
- These Forum participants are not using their real life names.
- They are not all living in the same geographic area.
- They come from a broad cross-section of cultures, ages, classes, races, and educational levels,
- They are both male and female.
So, this is a collection of avatars who do not have to take responsibility for their actions, do not have to worry about running into one of the people they insulted in some dark alley one night, and do not have to worry about gossip on their behavior reaching their employer, they family, and their school-mates.
They can verbally attack anyone and everyone without fear of recrimination – as long as they stay within the rather lax TOS rules regarding social interaction in Home.
What does this say about humanity in general? Take away responsibility for actions and a person’s true colors come out? If that were the case, it would not be a minority of Home residents who resort to this kind of behavior.
But the majority of Home users and Forum participants, just like the majority of the residents of the South Bronx in the 1960’s, would never behave in such a manner. To them, it is unthinkable to try – deliberately – to hurt someone else. Even if only with words!
So what makes a barroom brawler in Home? I suspect there are some deep-seated feelings of vulnerability – i.e. “If the way I choose to think is NOT recognized as the RIGHT way to think, then I am threatened and I will attack.” If anyone challenges any part of the brawler’s statements – or tries to defend one of the brawler’s targets, it unleashes all that pent-up anger.
Possibly, there is so much wrong and hurtful in their everyday life – with people they wish they could attack (spouse, boss, neighbor, etc.) but cannot do so for fear of repercussions – that this is their emotional outlet. This is their opportunity to vent that head of steam without winding up in prison.
Or, possibly, they feel threatened by situations out of their control: loss of employment, lack of recognition, dismissive actions by others, challenges to their authority, that subconsciously they will react to even the least imagined slight or slur and develop an unreasoning anger towards that person.
Whatever the cause, the behavior is disruptive. Virtual reality becomes virtual nightmare for those embroiled in one of these scenarios. And the TOS rules are inadequate to cope with it.
Is there anything any of us can do to defuse these situations when they occur? In the forum, a few brave souls keep trying to keep topics on track, to encourage others to concentrate on offering only constructive criticism, and to inspire others to come up with workable solutions for the problem. Others just duck and cover and wait for it all to blow over. Is there one simple answer? I don’t think so. But I do think it is a situation that we all need to examine and come to a consensus on how to handle it.
January 15th, 2012 by keara22hi | 38 comments
Keara is also known in Home as DarthGranny. She is a wicked little old lady with a wild sense of humor.
Until recently a technical problem with Sony’s Forum kept me from using it so I’m a little late joining the discussions about Sony’s marketing tactics.Now that I’m able to use it I’ve been asking some rather routine questions to those that oppose them,such as why Sony seems to be singled out when just about every other company uses similiar tactics and with those companies it’s ok?and Why go on and on Ad Nauseum about minor inconvieniences,IMO,rather than tackle bigger more far-reaching problems?To which I really haven’t received any satisfactory,to me,answers.So as in any debate of ideas,I ask myself what might be the unseen motives at play here and for me it boils down to the fact that those who oppose Sony’s marketing tactics seem to be the 1’s not deriving benefits from them,for the most part from their own conscious decision to not partake in them.They then use this refusal on their part to show how people are mistreated by Sony when in point of fact it was they that made the choice not to take advantage of Sony’s tactics in the 1st place.I’m not disputing their right to not participate but it is very odd to then use this non-participation on their part to show others how they have been harmed by Sony.Now 1st,in a virtual world I believe it’s very hard to cause someone real,tangible harm and certainly nothing I’ve seen from Sony could be construed as harm other than possible financial harm.In this case there is no financial harm done to these people as they admit they refuse to make certain purchases in order to take advantage from these tactics,so if anything Sony has benefitted them financially by giving them a good reason,in their minds,not to make these purchases so they should take the cash they saved and go buy a case of beer or a tank of gas and be happy Sony did them a favor.2nd I agree that these threads get off-topic,normally I’d be ok with going out of bounds of a thread for the sake of contributing valid but only slightly applicable points.However in these threads off topic subjects are used like a baseball pitcher uses a change-up pitch.Whenever their Fastball(Mansion perks) doesn’t seem to be getting them strikes they throw the change-up(spawning in the Mall).When that doesn’t work they throw the Slider(people harrassing them for their views)or the Knuckleball(straight out accuse you of being a politically correct Sony fan-boy).In the case of the thread of Sony’s marketing practices on Home the Umpire(Sony) really should establish the strike-zone and send everything else to other threads so it doesn’t devolve into “I think Sony should stop all randoms from asking me to voice chat and/or get on cam.”,which the marketing practices one already has done.Honestly Granny I don’t think this situation needs to be defused,I think the best way to settle this is to let it all out so that everyone can decide for themselves about who is telling the truth about what,after all whoever knew truth to be bested by falsehoods in a fair fight?(to butcher a famous quote).Holding things back breeds resentments,saying everything you have to say about any topic leaves you with a clear conscious.Are these discussions disruptive?maybe,but they wouldn’t be if properly confined to their proper threads and labeled in such a way as to give users an idea of how intense that topic is.That way those who are easily offended can safely steer clear of these discussions,however IF your advocating totally censoring and/or eradicating any lively topics of debate on the Forums I’ll have to respectfully disagree.
The biggest problem I have seen so far in the forums is a lack of patience and tolerance for others views. If you go through life thinking everyone has to agree with you, then your ego will be your downfall and you will live a miserable lonely existence. That combined with this “I want it NOW!!!” attitude makes for a very unhappy atmosphere. They just need to grow up and realize that the world revolves around the sun, not them.
When it comes to censorship, I think there do need to be some boundaries established to keep it from devolving to all out war, and mud -- slinging for no reason at all needs to be banned altogether, it helps no one and nothing.
I don’t post that much in the forums, but when I do I try to put forth a reasonable, quiet voice that urges the others involved to calm down and realize that this isn’t the end of their world, in fact anything that happens in Home is really small when compared to real life issues.
Great article Granny this is something that had to be said and discussed.
EVERYBODY have the right to express his opinion,BUT who are wrong? who are right?
imo,between a nobel priced scientist in nuclear energy and a journalist of a local tabloid who exprim an opinion about the concequence of tchernobyl catastroph,i perfectly know who has the best chance to be right!
but frankly, just compare the european theatre:
no ropes=>no problems! the best way to forge an opinion is to study THE FACTS and just the facts…
Well SORROW,if we’re using your own example/analogy on the marketing subject then Sony’s opinion would be the only 1 that mattered as I think of all the opinions voiced theirs is the only 1 coming from a company(not an individual) with experience in socio-economic data derived from massive Internet sales and/or other industrial sources.I don’t happen to agree with your example/analogy exactly but that’s irrelevant,in your own words we should listen to experts rather than hacks and in this case Sony’s view would be the most authoritative voice on the subject that has been offered on the Forums.Therefore to take your example to it’s logical conclusion,the theatre rope is a good thing because the experts(Sony) say it’s so.
you miss my point: see the metaphore between a normal poster and a troll! not between a company and individu!
then re-read the conlusion: study the FACT and conclusion become natural…
no rope=>no problems=>no bad behaviour=>no THREAD on forum=>no troll.
if i eliminate the source:i resolve a cascade of conflictual and division situation!simplicity is ever the best way!
Actually, my article was not about the rope. The point I am making is that, for some Forum participants, there will always be something/anything that makes them furious. And they will unleash their rage on others in the Forum and make vicious personal attacks on anyone who disagrees with them.
human nature never change, it’s a fact, like you say we just constat than each time a potential conflictual situation appear, it always be some “troll” who profit of this to attack others!
so what can we(sony) do to limit these situations?
the origin of this behaviour is the rope in this case,
sony’s decision to continue in this way (against the advice of beta-testers)was a very bad calcul,it create the situation you describe in your arcticle.
hoooo sure it wasn’t the entire fault of the marketing service if some pple have a bad education & behaviour,but,imo a company like sony should know about the desorder than her decision create (and be sure that they know it!)
i just constat than the sony staff MUST gather pple, not divide…it’s to you all to draw the obvious conclusion!
Honestly I’m not seeing the correlation between a “normal” poster and an expert nor the one you make between a “troll” and someone who isn’t an expert.A normal poster has no more expertise in the socio-economic field than a “troll”,IMO.You seem to indicate that you believe Sony has no idea how the theatre rope affects/effects users.I think they are well aware of the uproar and either choose to do nothing about it in a “wait and see” approach or are having developers try to come up with a way for themselves to profit off the uproar.Your “obvious conclusion”‘s are not so obvious to me,you say Sony MUST gather ppl and not divide them,but from a pure profit perspective there is just as much profit(and maybe more) in dividing people.And believe me,Sony cares more about profits than the emotional states of individual users so until there is some way for Sony to make cash off of getting rid of the rope or it’s shown that the rope is significantly harming profits I expect it won’t be going anywhere.
I’m relatively new to the Sony Home forum and I can’t say that I enjoy the discussions much when they devolve into mud slinging, near mindless hate messages. So here’s what I would like to say to forum users of this type:
Please:
1. stop expressing your opinion as a fact. It’s an opinion, look up the word in the dictionary.
2. remember that you do NOT represent the community, just one (possibly) small facet of it.
3. stop saying you are leaving and taking your money somewhere else. If Home bothers you that much, leave there and leave the forums. If you aren’t a Home user, why should we care about your opinion?
4. don’t make statements like “This thread is unnecessary” or “I ask the mods to lock this thread.” If you don’t like the thread, DON’T READ IT. How would you feel if this were your thread and someone said something like that?
3. keep to the subject. If you have another issue, start your own thread.
4. stop making it personal. People are allowed to disagree with you in this country and on this forum. If we all agreed, there wouldn’t even be a forum.
5. stop making fake accounts and supporting your own ideas. We see your typos, misspellings and bad grammar. We know who you are.
Sad to say I’ve even seen those that spell and write well commit the offence of #5.
Well intelligence has never been a guarentee of morals so I’m not surprised.
Seems everybody hates something or someone or what they do. I hate the Yankees and Packers, the latter at least when they play the Lions.
But it was never personal. Some of my favorite players were on those teams throughout the years.
There was one guy whose name I remembered that I just couldn’t get over though. Jack Reed, an outfielder for the Yankees who hit a home run after 20+ innings of playing ball against the Tigers. HEY! It was supposed to be the Tigers to win. But not to be because of the dreaded Mr. Reed.
It wasn’t until a few years ago that Jack Reed became OK with me. I found out that that home run was the only MLB home run Mr. Reed hit. So good for him.
Jack Reed -- Wikipedia
And as far as arguments on the forum and even in Home itself, some of them are pretty tame to arguments I’ve heard in real life amongst friends.
Not that I approve or agree with all the things said and done on Home, especially the bullying and harassing which is different. But a good old argument is different. Just don’t take it personally.
I stay away from the forums. I used to go on there often but I found myself irritated and annoyed more than enlightened and intrigued. The problem with public forums is that everyone… I mean EVERYONE is entitled to be on those forums.
Even the miserable ones.
Each person on there has just as much right to express their thoughts and emotions on any forum on any thread. Just as every person has the right to create a thread in any forum they choose to express those views.
My feeling about the forums is the exact same as trolls and the dreaded n00bs… if you’re annoyed by it…leave. There’s elsewhere you can go to express your feelings and thoughts on Home.
Is it fair?
No.
Is it the most practical and realistic solution?
I think so.
This is something I live by. I remove myself from situations I find to be uncomfortable for me. Consequently… as I said… I don’t go on the forums very often anymore.
I wish I had not used that picture of the confrontation at the rope in this article. Too many people think the article is about that stupid rope! Not at all. This article is about some of the people in the Forum (and occasionally in this Forum) who look for any excuse to attack others. In fact, the personal attacks often have nothing to do with the original post! Just attacking and arguing and posturing to fill up their otherwise dreary real life existence.
I find it deplorable that some people in Home feel they can only build themselves up by tearing other people down. To me, that is a barroom brawler.
Agreed.
The point that you obviously miss, Keara, is that it is about the rope. You can’t take one of the most divisive issues in Home, brush it off, and then try to make it irrelevant to behavior in that thread. Clearly, passions were aroused between those who want Home to be open to everyone and those who want VIP spaces. It’s been a polarizing issue ever since the Plus Lounge opened in EU.
Extreme issues will generate extreme behavior. That’s the nature of debate. If it gets too hot, step away from the fire. As I recall, that thread was tame compared with what went on in the Private Beta forum.
If you wanted to make a point, you’d have been far better served by using one of the obvious troll threads as an example. These are started by people with no other goal than to provoke arguments and dissent. You want the people spoiling for a fight? That’s where you find them.
And anonymity has nothing to do with it. I cut my forum teeth on a site where everyone knew each other and saw each other at least once a week. At times, it was every bit as vicious as the Home forums. From time to time, personal threats that were actionable were made, and in one case, a restraining order was taken out by one poster against another. I don’t frequent that particular forum anymore, but as recently as last year it spilled out into real life. It also happens to be a forum where both employers and employees can read everything, and some people have lost work because of it or lost potential workers because of it.
It’s absolute mayhem at times, and the vast majority of Home forum users would be eaten alive in there within a few posts. The near total lack of moderation really helps on that front.
The Home forums are paradise by comparison, because someone always steps in when things get too out of hand. Personal attacks are always going to be part of the equation, and the people who engage in them reveal volumes about their intellectual ability. But there is nothing wrong with taking a rigid stance on one side or another of a topic and defending it. The only problem that creeps in is when people launch unrelated personal attacks or refuse to consider logic.
It’s also rather disingenuous to stereotype the motives of the people involved. Things do not fit into neat little boxes, and some people will do anything to be heard. That doesn’t mean anything other than the fact that they don’t feel they’re being heard. A little acknowledgment goes a long way toward defusing those attacks.
As I said before in this thread and also in the Forum, I really wish I had not used that picture of the rope as an illustration. If I had wanted to write an article about that, I would have done so.
And yes, there were plenty of other threads in that Forum that are packed with vicious personal attacks. My questions still are, “Do they also act that way in real life? Or is it the shield of anonymity that brings out such behavior? And what are the causes behind such pent-up rage?” Your suggestion that lack of acknowledgment could be a contributing factor is very astute.
I agree that things like this do not fit into neat little boxes -but I still think it is worth discussing those questions. And NOT in terms of how the rope situation was handled -- that should be an entirely separate article for HSM (and I nominate YOU to write it.)
This is one of the reasons why HSM discussions are closely monitored. By showing minimal tolerance for trolling and personal attacks, it keeps conversations from degenerating into flamewars and sends a clear message: if you want to participate in the discussion, have the maturity level required to maintain an intelligent dialogue, or you *will* find yourself banned. All it takes is a handful of trolls to keep others from wanting to contribute anything — and even drive people away — so if it takes a banhammer to grow audience numbers and participation, then that’s a no-brainer.
Doesn’t mean everyone has to agree — we foster debate and spirited discussion at HSM, because we cover social issues — but it means that here, at least, things will be civil. And the end result is that our audience knows that the discussions will be interesting (instead of painful) to read.
It is indeed interesting how the complaining on the Sony forum quiets down when an official voice steps in. To HIW’s point, sometimes it’s just a matter of feeling like you’re being heard. Even if the people are capslocked and incoherent and completely out of touch with reality, it’s amazing how a simple acknowledgement calms things down.
In this regard, I’d suggest that Sony could have an improved PR outreach presence on the forum. Yes, we know that they’re constantly monitoring it, but that’s not the same as responding, even with some preapproved banal verbiage. It might cut down on developer and consumer alike having to wade through so much bleating and moaning to find useful constructive criticism.
Keara, I would like to suggest to you that you are asking questions which cannot be answered in a forum environment. How exactly do you propose to discover how someone behaves in real life? How do you propose to discover the causes of pent up rage? Not being a trained psychologist, I’m rather hesitant to attempt to psychoanalyze someone merely on the basis of their written communication.
Yes, I have observed that those who habitually descend to personal attacks are often unable to form grammatically correct sentences with proper spelling and punctuation, thus validating HIW’s reference to limited intellectual ability. And yes, I have often discerned a sense of insecurity, which validates HIW’s reference to a lack of acknowledgement. But beyond that, what more can you really say, other than to observe that someone who habitually resorts to personal attacks clearly has no moral compass?
Perhaps within our lifetime the government will succeed in stripping away all privacy and anonymity from the Internet, but until then, there’s a limited utility to asking these types of questions.
As I noted earlier, I’ve seen little difference in the way people behave online and the way they behave offline. Readers may have the impression that I’m prickly and stubborn. It’s true. You can ask my employers. They’ll roll their eyes when you mention my name.
Taking people out of their comfort zone is a real challenge, and one best handled delicately. Some people simply cannot accept a challenge to their beliefs or their opinions when it’s presented bluntly. They resent those that try to do this and consider those people threats. Most of the time, they resort to personal attacks to deflect a criticism that’s more than they can handle. Shifting the argument shifts them outside of the danger zone, especially if they can get the critic to respond in kind. Now they have the upper hand, because they can paint the critic as a cruel person and feel that they hold some sort of moral high ground, even though they initiated the attack.
I seldom respond to personal attacks unless something that is wildly untrue has been said. Often, I find that people who make those allegations are operating from some negative experience in their personal lives that causes them to be mistrustful of others. I’ve been called most of the names in the book. All I can do in that situation is point to what I’ve said in the past and ask people to judge for themselves. If someone can find some other motivation than I care about Home and the Home community, I do hope they’ll point it out to me, as it would likely be very enlightening.
As far as the rope debate goes, I won’t be writing about that anytime soon, as it was a personally draining thing to be a part of, and it took a heavy toll on me. My near silence on the forums, in Home and online in the wake of that was not coincidental. Sometimes one wonders what one is fighting for, and whether it’s worth the effort. Even those of us who strive to take the high road can get dragged down when the negativity rises.
I tend to agree with Olivia, although I don’t believe the phenomena is necessarily working on a conscious level. I think technology has the effect of dehumanizing people, so that it is easier to be rude to someone you don’t know when you are speaking to them over the phone, and easier to be even ruder still if you are communicating solely by written text.
In the case which HIW mentions, since everyone involved knew each other, I feel that the forums were essentially an extension of real-world communication, and therefore can’t be directly compared to forums in which the vast majority of people don’t know each other, and where all sorts of deception can take place. One of my current gadflies is constantly buzzing about trying to get me to respond to them by making indirect attacks, and also has a tendency to use multiple forum accounts (while criticizing those who do this on their main account lol). I simply ignore this person and all of their alt accounts.
As HIW says, it does take a toll on you, does cause you to question yourself, and so you have to choose your battles wisely.
There are people that have their own opinions and then there are people that use their opinions as hard fact and it is a scary thought that there are people out there that use virtual worlds or use forums to vent pent up aggression or anger.
For me, the way to do that is play Call Of Duty or Tekken, you can release it a little more constructively than go and verbally attack somebody in the forums. (Hell, these games were probably created for a little pent up aggression.)
There must be something in that that the anonymity of being online can take away responsibility and accountability..
Again, great, thought provoking article Granny
The shield of anonymity is like the Emperors New Clothes. Many may think that just because Home doesn’t mean much to them that what they do has no consequences. What anyone does in any world, real or virtual, has consequences. But the allure of shedding your morals and walking on the dark side is to temping for the weak. Holding on to your morals even when no one is watching is the measure of a honorable person.
In my experience people have an easy time saying unpleasant things to people they don’t know,in real life or on the Internet.Of course I’d hesitate to characterize all people as being the same way but normally the silver-tongues don’t come out til’ somebody wants something from somebody.
A 14 year old boy is less likely to insult a 33 year old man if face to face with them… for the most part. the same 14 year old boy is less likely to hump a married woman’s leg. I am apt to vent my thoughts when a dufus cuts me off in traffic, less likely if they do it in the mall. Yes there are jerks that don’t care how they act no matter where they are. Sadly there are some people that turn into jerks because they feel they can get away with it through anonymity. One drastic example, and I admit drastic.. a robber wearing a ski mask… I don’t think anyone here totally believes that anonymity doesn’t play a factor.
I think the ski-mask is more to escape detection of identity than because of any embarrassment the robber feels.I guess they have better behaved 14yr olds where your at because that happens all the time around here in any public school(probably outside of school as well).Maybe it’s just me but I’d take a cut-in at a check-out lane more seriously than on the road,could be all sorts of emergencies for the road incident but hardly any that justify a faster purchase,IMO.I just don’t think any of us can safely guess as to what anyone’s motives are for saying unpleasant things to other people on the internet.Who knows maybe the 2 people know each other and are engaging in what passes for them as fore-play?Who can tell.
Really? You have 14-year-olds in your area who hump a married woman’s leg in public?
I didn’t think it necessary to differentiate which part of the 14yr old analogy that happens all the time but for those who haven’t been to a public school in awhile the 14 yr olds only hump the single womens legs(they have ethical standards after all).But more semi-seriously,it’s the talking back to elder people that gets done almost routinely,as most young people at least those around here,feel any fool can live to old age.
Great article as always Keara. One thing I didn’t see noted was something I’ve observed both in Home and in the forums. I think that Home attracts a large number of people with narcissistic personality disorders and that is reflected in the way people argue in the forums.
I’ve observed narcissistic traits both in the wildly ranting trolls and the yes men that tend to polarize a lot of the discussions.
Perhaps the reason that so many narcissists are attracted to Home is because it is virtual and anonymous and one is free to create any persona desired.
Here are some of the symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Sound like anyone you’ve met in Home or the forums recently?
Reacts to criticism with anger, shame, or humiliation
May take advantage of others to reach his or her own goal
Tends to exaggerate their own importance, achievements, and talents
Imagines unrealistic fantasies of success, beauty, power, intelligence, or romance
Requires constant attention and positive reinforcement from others
Easily becomes jealous
Lacks empathy and disregards the feelings of others
Obsessed with oneself
Mainly pursues selfish goals
Trouble keeping healthy relationships
Is easily hurt and rejected
Sets unreal goals
Wants “the best” of everything
Appears as tough-minded or unemotional
I think you have answered my first question, julielove! That is exactly what is happening. Perhaps the NPOs are frustrated in real life because they cannot achieve their goals so they come into Home…. Especially the part about “Requires constant attention and positive reinforcement from others”. There are a few people who have the attitude, “if you don’t agree totally with my position, you are my enemy and I will attack you. Be my sycophant or SUFFER!”
Norse warned me not to run this article and he kept it on the shelf for weeks until he got sick of me begging. But I think this is an important issue in Home, especially in the Forum. The second question remains: how to cope with someone who acts that way?
I cannot condemn someone who “Imagines unrealistic fantasies of success, beauty, etc…” because if they need that, a virtual reality is the perfect place to scratch that itch. Same with “wants ‘the best’ of everything'”. It’s the “Reacts to criticism with anger…” “Is easily hurt and rejected” and “Lacks empathy…” issues that cause the hurt feelings in those who come into contact with them.
What can you do if you want to post something in the Forum or write an article for HSM and you draw an attack by a NPO? Norse tells us to “take the high road” and ignore them but sometimes the urge to try to reason with them becomes almost overwhelming. Do you quit writing? Or just keep trying to ameliorate the situation? Or write nothing but ‘fluff’ pieces and threads that will anger no one?
Well Keara I can safely tell you that not caring too much about what other people think of your views free’s you from most of the worries you express.IF they actually contribute something useful to the convo. consider it but don’t worry too much about overzealous whining.My dog whines alot too when he doesn’t get to eat the same things I do but he gets over it,with people they’ll either get over it,move on or continually be a thorn in your side.Whatever they decide to do it’s their choice and not something you can worry too much about.I generally try to not associate with people of that type,and if truth be told it’d be impossible for anyone easily offended by differing views to be my friend for long as I have some pretty wildly differing views from the “norm” about most topics.Just be true to who you are Granny,the rest will work itself out eventually.
How do you cope? You report them to the mods. If you think the worst that can happen to you is that someone with NPD will confront you on the PS forums, then you’ve been pretty lucky and you don’t know the half of it.
Some of the worst personal attacks I’ve ever experienced happened while writing about the nuclear disaster which resulted from the earthquake and tsunami in Japan. There are a lot of vested interests which don’t want to have an honest discussion about the events which happened there, and the consequences for human life not only in Japan but all over the Earth. There is a tremendous amount of deliberate disinformation that is being propagated through mainstream media, and large numbers of people who are accepting this propaganda as reality. They didn’t appreciate having their bubbles burst with facts, and when it happened they suddenly snapped and started flooding my inbox with unbelievably vicious personal attacks and threats, partly because they felt that I was a threat to the online personas which they had created. Being publicly attacked on the PS forum is nothing in comparison.
How did I respond? I reported them to the mods and I continued to write.
You can never really predict when something like this is going to happen, because you can never know what element of Home has been internalized by some virtual user, and used as a projection for their unconscious beliefs and fantasies. So when you start to criticize that element in Home, they feel that you’re tugging at a thread in their personality matrix, and if you pull top hard who knows what might come unraveled?
To give another example, I also drew some unbelievably vicious personal attacks and threats while writing about women’s fashions of all things. Someone who is the worst sort of internet coward, and therefore the worst sort of internet bully, decided to launch a smear campaign against me in which they repeatedly and deliberately lied about me and my actions, and none of this occurred on the PS forums.
Again, how did I respond? By reporting them to the authorities and by continuing to write.
You’ve stated that you’ve no interest in the VIP area in the theater. Very well then. That leaves the issue of your personal concern as to how to respond to trolling on the PS forums. My answer, paradoxical as it may seem, is that you try to respond unemotionally, but with empathy. Try to identify the root issue and respond to that, rather than to the surface issues and emotions which are clouding it. You can never control how someone responds to you; you can only control how you respond to them. This is easy advice to give, hard to follow. If you were familiar with the history of the PS forums, you’d realize that there have been numerous occasions when the PS Home HCMs and Mods have failed in this task themselves.
(Editor’s note: This response has been edited to remove comments against the article’s author. Don’t like the author’s writing technique? Too bad. Write your own articles on the subject.)
Keara I’d say there are 3 ways to deal with someone with NPD.
1. Ignore them and keep writing. I’m guessing that that is what most people do.
2. Engage them and try to change their behavior.
3. Withdraw and stop writing.
I think it’s unlikely that any of these tactics are likely to change the behavior so I think you should do whatever you’re more comfortable with. Some people are obviously more confrontational and combative and will engage, others are more passive.
Great Article Keara, this WAS something that was needed to be shared with others. @Julie- I can see traits of me in that list..hmmm
Sue, it is NOT a NPD disorder when you really are fabulous! Definitely does not apply to you or any of my other friends.
Yep, she’s right. Being Awesome™ isn’t the same as NPD.
Susan I think that most of us could find one or two of those traits in our own personality, but from what I’ve read people with NPD are often the last to recognize that they have the symptoms so you pass the test!
Tell me more about the rope !