Is It All A Lie?
by Keara22HI, HSM team writer
“Where are you from?”
It’s programmed into each avatar; it is one of the stock phrases used by new entrants into Home who do not yet own a keyboard, along with “What is your name?” and “How old are you?” I call it the ANL approach to entering Home: Age-Name-Location.
And I resent those questions.
“Where am I from? What, are you thinking of buying an airline ticket to come visit me? Why do you need to know where I am? Are you so ethnocentric that you can only relate to someone from your own neighborhood? Okay, if you must know, I live in the Bide-A-Wee Retirement Home, three blocks south of Central Plaza. Drop by anytime. Bring candy, jigsaw puzzles, and some trashy novels to read.
Of course, there is no such place. It is an obvious lie. But why should I be required to tell a complete stranger the truth about where I live? If I want to say I live in a fale in Pago Pago and make up a complete fantasy about living like Margaret Mead did when she researched “Growing Up in Samoa”, then why should I be condemned for lying? What gave that stranger the right to know my personal life history?
Same thing with “How old are you?” as a question. Would you walk up to a stranger at a mall in real life and open a conversation that way? What a nerve to ask such a question. Plus, it implies that, unless we are in the same generational mind-set, we cannot have a meaningful conversation.
So when is a lie harmful? And when is a lie preferable to giving a direct answer?
Here is an instance of how truth telling in Home can be harmful: I was talking to a young man (at least I believe he is actually a young man because he sent me a picture of himself and we talked on the mics. That picture definitely did not come from a male model magazine – this is an ordinary looking guy in his mid twenties). Needless to say, his avatar is a serious attempt at recreating his real-life appearance. This is no Brad Pitt in real life or in Home.
While we were chatting, a young, highly attractive female avatar dressed in a very provocative outfit walked up to us and started talking to this guy. It was obvious that they knew each other well and that she was trying to get his attention. I sent him a private message: “Is this your girlfriend? I can leave you two alone to talk and I will catch up with you later at the club party.”
He replied back, “Don’t leave. She’s nobody.”
Whoa! Say what? So I hung around, eavesdropping, while she tried to get him to talk to her. He was pointedly polite and obviously disinterested – even though she referred to previous events where they had been rather ‘intimate’ in a chat room.
After she finally gave up and left, I asked him, “Wow, do girls actually throw themselves at you this way?”
He said, “We had a romance going on until I found out the truth about her.”
Oh no, buster, you don’t say something like that to me and then leave it hanging there. “She’s actually a man? He was trying to seduce you? Okay, that’s just wrong.”
Then he shocked me speechless, “Oh, no – she’s a she. But her avatar is a lie. She finally did an eye-cam with me and she’s a pig.” He went on to tell me that she is seriously overweight, has bad skin, and is too short for his tastes.
So: was it wrong for her to create an avatar that was not overweight, has flawless skin, and is normal height? The way she is treated in real life must be hell for a young girl. She is short, fat, and has an acne problem. That is a formula for social pariah in most high schools. So she escapes into a virtual reality where she can be anyone, any appearance, and can be treated the way she wishes real life could be. At what point should she tell people that her avatar appearance is a lie? She never told him that she looks like that in real life. He ASSUMED it. I call it wishful thinking – he was absolutely sure a girl who looks like a movie starlet could fall madly in love with him.
For weeks they met frequently. She let him pursue her. She never said, “Oh, by the way, I am really homely.” She was thrilled by the first ardent male attention in her life.
He never asked, “Is this what you look like in real life?” His ego demanded that he believe he had met a fantastically beautiful girl who would go bugnuts over an out-of-work roofer living in his older brother’s home, smoking illegal substances and playing video games.
So: at what point should she have volunteered the truth about her appearance? She assumed she had found a man who loved her for her ‘inner beauty’, her intelligence, her personality, her ability to make him feel like a ‘big man’. She really thought he was falling in love with her. So, she responded to his request for a little eye-cam private chat for some sexting. And he stayed less than one minute before making up a lame excuse and running.
Was it a lie for her to make a beautiful avatar? Should she be forced to endure the same ridicule, the same derisive taunts, the same obvious disdain that she must endure daily in real life? Should she be required to immediately tell any male avatar who sidles up to her in Home that, “Don’t get interested in me. I am a real beast.”
And what about him? Should he be required to tell everyone that he is not mate material because he can’t even support himself, let alone a wife and children? At what point is it okay to ‘withhold the truth’? Is it okay to let people treat you according to the assumptions they have made based on your avatar appearance and not tell them that their assumptions are way off base?
In the process of doing the research for this article, I posted this topic on the Sony forum, and received several notable responses. I have received permission from these people to re-print their comments here at HSM.
(Editor’s note: these comments have been reprinted as they originally appeared.)
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Reply by Joanna_Dark:
Keara22HI wrote:
**snip** Then he shocked me speechless, “Oh, no – she’s a she. But her avatar is a lie. She finally did an eye-cam with me and she’s a pig.” He went on to tell me that she is seriously overweight, has bad skin, and is too short for his tastes.**snip**
She’s actually a very lucky girl to not have this loser a part of her life.
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reply by Edw.Carnby
Hmm. Well, Home and virtual platforms/games etc. are places you escape from reality. Be what you want to be.I see that as no harm whatsoever. It depends if you abuse the position of trust or not.
In this poor girl’s case she was insecure about herself, and finally felt ready to open up to the guy and show him what she was like to see what he thought. She didn’t leave it until the very day they met (Catfish style) to deceive him and she made an honest effort to show him not only what she was physicly like, but as a person too before she did the former.
I’ll give you a few examples of downright low and dirty lies, that can ruin people’s mental health, perception of their being, sexuality, and overal worth in life:
*A person playing a gender/sexuality they are not, and attempting to not just do a quincy (which is pretty funny!) but solicit and build a bond with the person they want a relationship with when that said person only likes straight men, straight women, gays, lesbians etc. then advancing this to a full on relationship. (see The Crying Game)
*Pretending to be within a child’s age range or position of authority they should be able to entrust. I don’t think this one needs any further coverage 
*Lieing about your lifestyle, looks, interests and personal attributes in order to gain access or benefits or infiltrate social circles within Home. Espionage, in short.
On the flip side, to people wanting to protect themself I think giving out less information and at some point making clear what sort of friendship you want to have on Home or PSN clear (a gaming one, a social one, an intimate one, whatever!) is pretty important. Just consider the line between deceiving someone, and just withholding information.
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reply by the_ Idoru
I’ve never understood this part of “home” either. When I get online I want to talk to friends, play games (I’m still waiting on a true “home” mmo) or just kill time before going to sleep, hence I rarely add strangers. Also, it can be a little disturbing when you find out you live near someone and they want to visit you.
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reply by Kid_Fleetfoot
I really don’t know about this ugly beauty thing except beauty and probably ugly is in the eye of the beholder. Interesting post.
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additional comment by keara22HI
It drives me bugnuts when someone asks my age and I respond truthfully, “72”, and then they attack me for (1) being in Home, (2) owning a PS3, and (3) being a gamer at my age. What is the cutoff line, you little dweeb? 18? 25? 30? 40? At what point do I cease to have the right to play video games? At what age will you cease to consider yourself worthy of being in Home?
I sometimes wonder if I should just lie about my age so that I won’t have to go through so many unpleasant scenes. Maybe I should test out saying “19” and see if they are still totally obnoxious people who weren’t worth the effort of a lie.
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reply by Joanna_Dark_
My mother would say she was 21+. Personally it’s none of their business. I rarely respond to any personal requests about me unless I’ve known the person for some time.
It’s really NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS.
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reply by Conrad Max
Keara22HI wrote: “It drives me bugnuts when someone asks my age and I respond truthfully…”
Don’t let it bother you. Have fun with it. Celebrate it. Use it as a means of promoting gaming amongst older people. Educate a younger generation. One day they will be in your position, too. Then they’ll have to deal with the same questions and issues (as if there really are any).
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reply by Boomer _3_14_15_9
I remember telling one person my age once and I got “why doesn’t your avatar look that old?” I was a fraud blah, blah, blah….
If they don’t really want to know, maybe they shouldn’t ask
Sometimes I tell people I am 518 years old, but I am really an Elf so that’s not that old
I tell some people I live in the Harbour Studio Apartments too.
Some play along, some just get confused.
Habour Studio, What state is that in?
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reply by Animus Requiem:
Whoa, 72?! I am amazed. Thats flipping awesome^_^ Hopefully I will have the drive to be a gamer that far down the line; its rather impressive (BTW they probably make fun of it because its an intimidating age; an age not commonly heard. People react rather oddly to the uncommon be it positive or negative in terms of reinforcement. Want some advice? Keep being awesome!).
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reply by Bambi-01us
This is a virtual world with alot of options to be what you wish. This is a very interesting topic for me to say something. I think it’s most important to keep your personal life out of home. So to lie about where you live, gender, age, Email for psn, etc. is ok in my eyes. That is my bubble and I believe in telling the truth to a certain degree on home. If it will put me out in the open, I lie so that I know I’m safe and no drama can take affect of a certain situation.
I’ve been on home for 4 years now and realize that telling people personal information can cause a series of situations that we I didn’t intend on. Men interested what I do for a living, what city I’m at, the list goes on and it falls into the ‘I really want to know you better’ situation. Then what do I do? So I lie about alot except where I’m from and what I do for a living. My age is for me to know only because that puts another situation at hand, ‘what is your birthday?’ That is serious account breach when people are smart enough to dig for more.
Now the avatar’ for me I was so picky at making my avatar. It took me almost 2 hours to build her on there. I made her to my body type and etc… I see people wearing soldier gear, and claim they served. It’s none of my business if they did or not. What if they ain’t. Is that ok?? I say that isn’t ok. I get hurt when I got a guy or girl say they served and I ask them a question every soldier can answer and you think those people could answer?
That is way off the topic a bit but a good example for what is ok and not ok. So, it’s ok for me to lie about my personal life if I want to be safe and out of the ‘Days of our Home’ episodes. I think members of the community have the right to do what they please with their avatar but I’m strongly against seeing avatars lead on people and lie at the same time. So a gamer like me that wants to have fun and keep to myself, I say it’s ok for me to lie about personal information. Now people that are to wanna date and such, I don’t think it’s ok to lie about apperance, etc.. To be quite honest, I think it would be safer to go to dating sites and not playstation home. But that is unlikely going to happen anytime soon..
Good topic, I was happy to share.
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Reply by Aeternitas33
Keara22HI wrote: “Where are you from?” It is programmed into each avatar; it is one of the stock phrases used by new entrants into Home who do not yet own a keyboard. Along with “What is your name?” and “How old are you?” I call it the ANL approach to entering Home. Age-Name-Location.
This should be part of Home 101 – If someone approaches you by asking ASL questions (age, sex, location) RUN! For the average person who is in Home to game or socialize ASL questions are irrelevant at best. For ladies, I think “A gentleman doesn’t ask a lady her age,” is a fine response. Questions about someone’s age or location, from a stranger, really are none of their business. In my experience, it just doesn’t end well when someone starts out asking those types of questions.
What I’ve suggested in the past, is that we should have the option of adding ASL info to our profiles if we wish. That way people who want to use Home for matchmaking can more easily do so without making nuisances of themselves to others. But, we should also have the option of choosing a setting that tells others that we’re not available or not looking for a relationship. One benefit I see from giving us that option, is that if a lady has selected “Not interested in a relationship” as the setting, she could report anyone who hits on her.
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reply by Bambi-01us
Good idea and the reporting would be a serious problem. 10’s of thousands of reports would be uploaded everyday for the fact that there is a lot of stalking and harassment on home. Even thought I’m sure they get loads of reports a day now so it might not even matter. I always liked the idea of having something as you described for our profiles. Like the female and male symbol, etc. Our accounts are already set for the gender so why not show it if we wish? I love the symbol idea. And you also said something about certain comments with-in the gamer card. Which would be great in my eyes. Good idea.
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reply by murphdawg 1
I don’t see anything wrong with telling someone what state you live in. I mean a persons relative location can be a topic of discussion. Like if you said you were from Ohio the person asking where you’re from could easily respond “oh i’ve been there, I traveled to Cleveland just last year.” So see that wouldn’t be so bad now would it?
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reply by Sneezeallover
I read the first 2 paragraphs and got bored. There is nothing wrong with asking Age Sex Location. I tell people My name is Sneezeallover. but location Big whoop I live in this state WOW you revealed so much. Age important since you don’t wanna talk to a minor. Sex could be nice to know since guys like to run around as a chick and chicks like to run around as a guy.
HACHOOOOOOOOO!! (Yes this is my signature)
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reply by Aeternitas33
murphdawg1 wrote: “I don’t see anything wrong with telling someone what state you live in. I mean a persons relative location can be a topic of discussion. Like if you said you were from Ohio the person asking where you’re from could easily respond “oh i’ve been there, I traveled to Cleveland just last year.” So see that wouldn’t be so bad now would it?
@murphdawg1 – Maybe I didn’t explain myself clearly, but it’s not any one question that’s the problem, it’s the approach. If the person is obviously trying to screen you for a relationship, that’s the problem. If they’re just being friendly then questions about your location might be fine. But bear in mind that giving out personal info in Home is currently against the TOS, and for good reason. You should always be cautious about giving out personal info online. Even when someone seems to be nice initially, things can sometimes change over time, and if that happens, you’re going to regret giving them any personal info whatsoever.
@Keara – Generally speaking I’m fine with you quoting anything I say publicly, but if it’s specifically for an HSM article I’d appreciate having you check with me first just to make sure that my comment is being taken in context.
sneezeallover wrote: “I read the first 2 paragraphs and got bored. There is nothing wrong with asking Age Sex Location. I tell people My name is Sneezeallover. but location Big whoop I live in this state WOW you revealed so much. Age important since you don’t wanna talk to a minor. Sex could be nice to know since guys like to run around as a chick and chicks like to run around as a guy.”
@sneezeallover – Thank you for demonstrating the problem with ASL questions. Tell me one conversation about a state that doesn’t immediately get into comments about hometowns, or where you went to college, or where you work, like to vacation, etc. Dishonest much? And you don’t want to talk to a minor why? One of my oldest friends on PSN is a minor. Guess what? I don’t hit on her. Is not hitting on your friends a problem for you? I guess so, since you seem to worry a lot about guys and girls cross-dressing.
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reply by murphdawg1
Well yeah I think the people who are trying to look for love/lust on Home aren’t all there in the intelligent department. I’ve seen way to many times where a guy avatar walks up to a girl avatar and says “Hey baby lets have sex”. Really wish there was a punch function in Home so I could do some virtual buttkicking on some of these people.
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reply by the_original_se
Keara22HI wrote: “This is a topic I am researching for an article I am writing for HomeStation Magazine. I would like to know how YOU feel about this. When is a lie right or wrong in Home? Is it a lie to have an avatar that is seriously different from your real life appearance?“
imo, not at all.
Home is a video game, its all make believe.
if you dress up like Ezio Auditore in Home but not in real life does that also make someone a liar? i think not. XD
as for location, age, sex etc. i dont really consider not telling someone the “truth” a “lie” either.
some people may not be comfortable giving away their real info, or some people just like to pretend.
There’s always a middle ground in every situation. to deal is absolute and classify things as the truth or lies seems a little harsh.
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reply by nosdrugis
It is only a lie if one purposely misleads another.
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reply by HearItWow
I’m actually a fabulously attractive 25-year-old redhead (friends say I look like Julia Stiles) who lives alone in a two-bedroom condo overlooking Central Park. Home and driving the Porsche Boxster I bought with daddy’s trust fund money are the only things that save me from my crushing loneliness.
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reply by Shae_Wolf
I always tell people I don’t give out that kind of info when they ask where I’m from ^-^ they usually walk away >.>?
I might give out my age if I talk to someone for a few minutes and/or they ask. But if someone just at random walks up they get the above treatment.
As for avatars, well, sometimes I walk around as a blonde and I’ve got dark brown hair. I’ve walked around as a guy before even though I’m a woman. I’ve made my avatar taller at times and I’m 5’4″ in real life. And just last week I finally got some hair close to my RL hair. Does that mean I’ve been lying about my hair all this time?
I really don’t see how anyone could take things on home seriously enough that if someone’s avatar doesn’t look like them in real life it would be a lie.
And as for the guy who was talking about that girl, what was he using home as a dating service for anyway? What lame brain does that? Can he not find a woman. . . oh wait nvm judging from his personality I’d don’t think he has much luck with women. Lol
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reply by x-MsLiZa-X
A lot of times if someone asks me about my age right away, I just hit the “Thinks of a number” button and then I’ll type that number. Most of the nosy buggers miss the joke, unfortunately.
Last week, I received a random PM from someone that I had never even seen on Home. He asked me where I lived and I replied, “Dolphyland”. He responded by asking if that was in the UK somewhere. Then he asked to exchange pictures, to which I politely declined. Haven’t heard from him since…c’est dommage.
To be honest, the question “Where are you from?” tends to aggravate my grammar-Nazi tendencies as much as my sense of privacy.
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reply by Squished
I constantly lie on Home when it comes to personal info. As others have stated, it is nobody’s business as this is a “game” to socialize not hookup. Save that for when you know the person better and have played games together. As for the original story, there are only so many options in Home, she probably used what she could. His comments that she was a pig are disrespectful and I find more disgusting than anything she did.
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reply by xpresspackage
its a lie when it is not beinging truthful.
With that said, in the great words of Gregory House – “Everybody Lies”
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reply by EdwCarnby
After looking at everything said so far, in short I think:
1) Don’t take people at face value when it comes to avatars.
2) Don’t try to be what people you like want you to be.
3) It is a lie when you are deceptive. It is simply withholding the truth if you don’t play on peoples’ first impressions of you.
4) Roleplay can be fun! Just don’t get caught too deep into the role. You can end up fooling yourself.
5) Home lets people express themselves in ways they normally can’t. A nation that prides itself on liberty and freedom of expression should accept this.
6) There is a difference between roleplay and fraud. Don’t confuse; ROLEPLAY – a white male wanting to use a black avatar but still behaving white, or a man wanting to use a woman avatar but being manly with say… FRAUD – a white man using a black avatar and trying to be “hood” or a man using a woman avatar to win the affections of other women or men.
EDIT: Homestation Magazine is free to quote me any time on any post in any forum I use to do with PlayStation Home. If I didn’t intend on the public hearing it I simply wouldn’t be using a public forum so that’s my greenlight! But just to clarify something – on this particular subject my examples in the first post I made are not based on prejudices. I am friends with a variety of types of people and have been using virtual worlds for years. It is very possible for people to have skeletons that don’t need bringing out in the open without deceiving friends or love interests. It is when you abuse a friendship, position of authority or trust in a virtual world by means of deception or lies that things tread into bad turf. It is not so much being something else in Home, it is when you enforce people to believe you are something you are not that it becomes a problem (e.g. when you keep saying to everyone you are black and they are racist if they challenge it, when in reality you are white and vice versa…this is just an example).
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reply by incahoots:
I usually tell them I live in Central Plaza, 4th floor, Apt# (fill in any number here) and it’s got a nice view of the harbor.
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reply by bluecharmander
YOU WIN. 72 and still gaming. That sir, is dedication.
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Reply by LumarQQ
Great story. I had a conversation about this issue, yesterday, in CP. Home should not be a place to look for romance due to the amount of potential deceit, but a place to talk with other gamers. Lying has become a big part of the internet, let alone Playstation Home, which further emphasizes the danger of heartbreak or depression when pursuing romance.
With that in mind, the internet is a place where you can be whoever you want to be, at any point in time. For example, I’m sure most of us has experienced the, “tough guy” attitude of someone posting in a geeky forum. Would a macho-man muscle head really be into this type of scene? Maybe, maybe not.
There are too many different types of people in the world, and different opinions on everything. My opinion on how my Playstation Home avatar should look, is to try and make him dress and be as identical as possible to the real life version of me(and my goodness, how difficult it is to do that because I’m not an artist). That doesn’t make someone else’s opinion of their avatar wrong because they want to look different from their own self.
When does it become a lie?
lie 2(l)n.
1. A false statement deliberately presented as being true; a falsehood.
2. Something meant to deceive or give a wrong impression.
One can argue that creating your avatar to be a false representation of yourself could be the second definition of the term, but the fact that there are many different ways to interpret the Home service nullifies the chance it can be considered a lie. I could be role-playing. In Home’s case, a lie would have follow the first definition.
Lying is also part of human nature. Just need to use common sense, or look to your respective beliefs whether to consider the lie right or wrong
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reply by Conrad Max
Home is a fantasy world. We can be whatever sex or race, and in some cases species, that we choose. If people are pretending or lying that they are one thing but are in actuality something else, then it is on them. If we allow ourselves to be fooled then it is on ourselves.
I never go into Home expecting people to “be themselves”. Definitely some are, but many aren’t. There’s nothing wrong with either unless we take it too far and personally. It’s a give and take situation with all parties involved.
Personally, I have nothing to hide. I won’t give away information, but I will not lie. I am pretty much what I appear. The avatar in Home is the person I am in real life.
As for people having difficulty in believing a 70 plus person playing games or using Home, they should realize that videogaming has been around almost forty years. Many of us have grown up with gaming as a big part of our lives. And for some of us, Home is something that we have been hoping for for a very long time. For me, ever since the Commodore 64 days, I have dreamt of a community and society such as Home. Only I imagined a small town with a large mansion on a cliff. I guess I finally have the Mansion.
Certainly we have problems with others in Home. Hopefully as individuals and as a community, we can work those problems out.
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reply by ObZen
Well, technically you could say that alot of what we do on Home is a lie. For example, I’m not a snowman in real life, but in Home I am. In real life I don’t live in or even own a house built out of a giant tree limb, with it’s own lake for fishing, but in Home I do. In real life, I can’t ghost glitch and walk through walls and on top of water, in Home I can.
So even though you could say that it’s lying in a way, I don’t consider it lying. It’s using your imagination to do things you couldn’t do in real life. Afterall, that’s what video games are about. So whether you’re an aged war veteran fighting against impossible odds to stop Liquid Ocelot from taking over the world, a kid fresh out of an underground vault trying to find his dad and destroy the Enclave, or just a bald guy in an Echochrome suit being assimilated into a mothership, once you have the controller in your hand, you can be anything you wanna be. Home is awesome
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reply by Aasyranth
I assume that most people in an avatar-based chat environment are doing at least a little bit of role-playing. I don’t really think of their words/actions as truths or lies. Most people are just playing some roles.
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For all of Home’s wondrous gaming experiences, it is the belief of this publication that Home is first and foremost a social experience. It is a society framed by games, but populated by people. And, as such, we are writing the rules for our society — a digital culture only a few years old. What we say and do here — the cultural mores we collectively agree to — will have repercussions for a long time to come, and across a wide swath of humanity.
March 18th, 2011 by keara22hi | 15 comments
Keara is also known in Home as DarthGranny. She is a wicked little old lady with a wild sense of humor.
The frustration of the HWH I call it (How are you? Where are you from? How old are you?) is mind numbing sometimes. As if any of it mattered. And who is to say the answers are truthful. So what purpose do these impromptu mini interviews serve? I to sometime make up a less than truthful answer. Or I have truthful answers that don’t reveal much. When asked how old I am I sometime tell them, “I am 2 and a half in Home years”… or I’ll sometimes say, “I don’t answer that question first because it tends to skew others answers were I to ask”. When asked where I am from I politely say “The avatar design menu”. whether or not my avatar looks like me, this is not something that can be pinned down to if its a lie or not. In so many ways 2d will not show 3d accurately… missing a whole d and all. And whether I am more or less attractive than my avatar is not only subjective but a moot point. I have not scanned in a picture of me to get every detail right. I have scars… many scars, there is not a scar setting in my wardrobe. And even though love may be found on Home, it is the exception, not the rule. If you are on Home to find your soul mate, you would have just as much of a chance by blindfolding yourself at a NASCAR race and groping the spectators. So, is my avatar a lie… no… it is digital info that I “choose” to represent me. If it was based on a algorithmic interpretation of my DNA and I hacked in to modify the readings then maybe that would be a lie. Sometime a friend will send a picture and it doesn’t match the one I already have in my head… no biggy…I choose the one I want to work with and move on. If we meet on Home and you like the dress I am wearing… truth is, 7 times out of 10, I’m really in sweats or shorts so don’t believe everything you see on TV… except for bigfoot, thats real!
1st,lol ANL,2ND if giving out personal info is a violation of the TOS,and it is,why has sony even given us these as options to ask?It almost smells of entrapment.The small things to me,like age,location,race aren’t really important unless some1 is getting very close romantically to another.As long as the more important things like your core values are expressed in a truthful manner then i think the rest is just irrelevant trappings.Where the girl in keara’s story went wrong is not waiting longer to get on cam.There is nothing wrong with slowing things down and taking time to get to know the person better.Had she waited a couple more months and extensively questioned him during that time things probably woulda went better for her.Always try to establish the truthfulness of some1 b4 giving out any personal info.,and you should NEVER give out so much info. that if things go bad with that person they could be a problem irl until u are sure a person to person meeting is forthcoming.Even then be careful,there are some very,very good deceiver’s on home who practice their craft for many,many different reasons.Some are so good that even after months of intensive questioning by many different ppl taking and comparing notes are still not detected.There is very little that can be done to protect you from these types,which is why it cannot be stressed enough,NEVER give your psn password to ANY1.Ive heard countless stories of ppl thinking they can give their password to some1 and it will be ok.Often it is until a disagreement comes along then whoever gave out their password ends up getting their account messed with.Believe me when i tell you that’s a nightmare,hasn’t happened to me but to a few very close friends.Common sense is the best recommendation i could give for this topic but sadly common sense has become uncommon.
“THE CAKE IS A LIE!”
And now that I’ve got that bit of internet meme-ery out of my system (because it’s been screaming at me from the moment I read the title), here comes the serious response.
In the earlier days of the internet, the ASL questions were typically asked up front because outside of a user name, there really wasn’t anything else to base a person on. With Home, because there is more than a name, but a three-dimensional digital representation of ourselves (whether that avatar is a true to life rendering is another matter) and because not everyone in Home has experienced the days of the old chatrooms, people generally expect to be treated as they would be if the conversation was actually taking place face to face. And so getting in another person’s digital grill and asking questions that are normally reserved for *after* you’ve had a fairly decent conversation is considered quite rude.
Maybe those pre-programmed inquiries also show the cultural differences between Sony’s head office in Japan, and here in the west? I don’t know, but it’s not impossible.
As for the supposed “misrepresentation” of a person designing their avatar, I can see how younger users (and by this I mean late teens-early twentysomethings) would be upset by this, as well as those who simply lack the ability to suspend their sense of reality. We tend to see things not as they are, but how we are. If we’re the type of person who designs our avatar to look closely to what we look like in the real world, we tend to think others do the same thing. To me personally, it sounds like both parties of the story you opened up with lack the emotional and mental maturity to “speak their truth” -- as it were -- with regards to the situation. Which, in my experience, is the norm for individuals of their age range, regardless of the generation they’re from.
I have one friend in Home whom I’ve no clue as to what he looks like -- his avatar is always dressed as a Black Knight, or wearing a Frosty head, or he’s in a cat suit. I know he’s male -- I’ve heard his voice -- but I’ve seen no pictures of him, nor have I seen a proper human rendering of his avatar. I know what his fiancée looks like more than I do him! And you know what, I don’t care if I ever do find out what he looks like -- he’s just great fun to chat with and hang out with.
This Forum post touched a nerve. It had far too many responses to post then all in this article, so I arbitrarily cut off the last half. You can still see them by going to the HomeForum http://community.us.playstation.com/community/general_home and looking for the thread with this same name. Is It All a Lie.
Great read as always Granny. As a rule I don’t feel too hindered about giving out basic info about myself in Home. The ANL questions can get to be tedious it is true. So sometimes when I don’t feel like answering I say things like I am from Play Station Home and when the ask my name I say can’t you read it above my head?
The age thing I always tell the truth on and yes it gets some negative feedback because I am old enough to be their Mom or in some case their Grandma, but the usual bad response is they think I am lying. The irony being that I am not, and if I was why would I say I was that old? I don’t see the logic in it and if they persist I tell them I don’t really care if they believe me or not it doesn’t change a thing in my world, LOL.
Keep on writing these excellent articles, people need to see the harm that can be done and begin to take the fact that there are real people involved here, not some make believe avatar without any feelings that can be hurt or toyed with.
I’ve been fine-tuning my responses to these questions since I’ve been on Home, and my strategy is still evolving. My current philosophy: answer the more important question under the surface query.
So, “Where are you from?” gets interpreted as “What’s your time zone?”, and I reply, “East Coast US”. That’s often all the other person wanted to know. If they say, “Me too, what city?” then I’m willing to zero in.
Likewise, “How old are you?” really means, “Would I be interested in you romantically?” So I answer, “I’m a lot older than this avatar looks. I’m guessing you’re in your teens, so I’m old enough to be your grandmother.” It takes a truly feckless youngster to persist in this line of questioning after such a revelation.
As for the “S” part of ASL, when someone asks, “Are you really a girl?”, I type “(checks) Yes. I seem to be.” If they laugh, they may be worth talking to.
There was a time not too long ago, when socializing meant you got out of the house and actually met people.
For some meeting people are easier then others, there are many reasons why this is, and for the sake of time and typing I won’t get into those reasons.
Technology has taken that initial “fear” out of socializing. Now we simply log into a program, like face book, twitter and Home, and we are instant socialites. Although unlike going outside and meeting people, online one can create a persona and act out in ways that they can not, or dare not in real life.
Social networks like Home and other avatar based programs have taking away the accountability of the users actions. Anyone can log in, create an account, an avatar and be what ever they want, good or bad there is no real life social repercussions, it makes it easy for anyone to get away with anything. Of course, the ones who violate the rules, or act unbecoming to others, can be banned by the programs moderators. Some will even be shunned and blocked by groups or clicks in this created E-community. Unlike real life the once unruly user can recreate him or her\ in a mater of minutes with a new account and a new avatar.
Im not saying home is not fun, it is and it can be for many. We just got to remember its not real, it’s a fantasy virtual world, controlled by a power switch. You turn it on and off, its here for your entertainment. With that take everything at face value and just enjoy yourself. When it becomes more then that, your favorite social network becomes an Anti – social network.
Have fun in home, control your avatar, and don’t let it control you. Remember to turn it off your PS3 from time to time and get outside and meet some real life people.
It’s the Internet. Withholding personal info isn’t deceitful. It’s just a common-sense precaution, like locking the door to your home before leaving. To give just one example, there are people, even organized groups of people, who don’t like Home very much. And if you’re perceived as being a strong supporter of Home, they might target you for attacks. So you have to be really careful about who you give out personal info to, because you never know who might try to use it against you.
That said, my personal feeling about this situation, based on what little info I have, is that they’re both at fault. I wouldn’t necessarily knock the guy for being unemployed. A lot of people are or have been recently unemployed right now through no fault of their own, including a mutual friend of ours, Keara.
But it is -- I’m searching for the right words here – downright silly, to let yourself develop feelings for someone without even knowing what they look like.
If two people are interested in having some sort of online relationship, then information like photos, ages, and locations *has* to be exchanged early on. Not doing so is dishonest, and virtual relationships, just like real-life relationships, don’t survive if they’re based on dishonesty.
Having re-read my 1st post,i may have given the impression that i thought the girl was the only 1 that made a mistake here.That’s not so,i just thought that was the most obvious one then i got side-tracked.Of course he made a mistake thinking she looked like her avatar without seeing any pics.That’s home romance 101,get a pic,even with a pic he would be foolish to say to himself that there was no possibility that she could look like something else.Pics can be gotten off the Internet of just about any type(race,hair color,skin quality,etc.)of person that can be found irl.To me that seems like common sense but way too often people see a nice pic and all of a sudden are sure that the other person looks like that.Even if it really is that person you are probably getting a look at them at their best as few would show an average pic of themselves at 1st if they are trying to impress you.She was under no obligation to volunteer anything about her looks but if asked should have been honest.If he felt that her looks were that important he should have asked some questions.Mistakes were made aplenty,by both parties,but if they had spent more time getting to know each other this might have went better for both of them.
god, i sooo hate those questions. i have a test. i wont add anyone that asks any of those questions within the first 45 minutes of a conversation. that may seem a rediculous amount of time, but to me, if they cant hold a normal conversation without falling into one of those questions, they are looking for a specific type and not into a good talk. and thats not really friend material to me, thank you very much. that may also seem stuck up, but hey, I’M not the one asking if i can add them!
She’s not kidding. I watched for the full 45 minutes while she put Zippy through his paces. Amazingly, he was able to refrain from asking any of those. then he got mad and walked off before we could congratulate him. I still think of poor little Zippy. All that dogged determination.
Personally, I dont divulge information to a complete stranger, my closest of closest friends on Home know more about me than my real life family, and thats pretty much saying something.
My Avatar is cute to look at. But i know he’s not me, just a representation of what i would ‘Like’ to be.
But i am still the same person underneath.
My reply to you is of someone elses experience, of her reprecussions of divulging information to a complete stranger on a virtual World, for the most part, she works as a pizza Delivery girl. Shes in her early 20’s and lives in California.
She met a guy online and they talked for months on Secondlife, reaching a point in which he would like to meet. She felt confident enough that they could.
That night, before she was even ready to go anywhere, there was a knock on the door, she answered to find the man she had supposedly been talking to online, standing on her doorstep.
Within moments, she was beaten and raped.
From that day onwards, she never revealed any Real life information to ANYONE, regardless if they were male or female.
Sure, I’ve had people SHOW me real life photos of themselves on Home, but i have never asked for them. If they want to then they want to. I’m not going to stop them and I will say thank you for sharing that with me, because it takes alot to do that. I guess people trust me and that im not shallow. But i can tell a fake pic from a real one, and i have been shown pics that are just way too good to be true.
But i don’t say anything, because it’s not my place. if you don’t want to be straight up and honest to me, that’s on your own terms, not mine.
I can understand that there are some people out on home or secondLife or INVU with confidence issues all over the place, and just to look beautiful or embody the perfect person, even if its just for one day, is the ultimate fantasy shared by anyone that doesnt quite fit in with today’s shallow world of beauty and good looks.
Ive nvr asked for 1 either but if i was interested in some1 romantically i would but only after quite some time had gone by but waaay b4 the thought of a face to face meeting came up.In the 2 instances ive had of this i was shown a pic by simply not bringing it up.In both cases i didn’t tell myself”this is 100% guarenteed the way she looks and any1 that says different is a liar”.However,i took it as”most likely true until proven otherwise” which is what i think of all internet pics.
Hmm… I guess I’m just an honest person, and have nothing to hide like some of you do. Telling someone my age, that I’m male, and live in a specific city doesn’t make it any easier for them to track me down than it does for those of you reading along now. The notion of someone cyberstalking me with that info in hand is just ridiculous.
I do agree that it’s not always appropriate, but that is circumstanial in my mind. I have young friends and old friends on HOME, and am completely honest with all of them. I’ve recently found out that I was lied to by someone I consider a friend. Several of us were actually. Personally, I could give a rats behind for the most part. I’m not mad, but disappointed a little. The reason I don’t take it hard is becuase I pretty much expect that 99% of people on the internet are lying to me anyways. If you think people on HOME are generally honest and good then it’s your own dumb fault, and you left yourself wide open for the sucker punch they just handed you when you found out they were a 16 year old dude who is on heavy medication for mental problems, posing as a 25 year old femal flight attendant from Denmark who looks like a supermodel. My avatar looks nothing like me, and that’s obvious right away when you see it. I do that for a reason.. so people know right away that I’m not pretending to be a hunky firefighter type. On the other hand, people who I consider friends and let into my personal spaces can easily see the pic I have posted of myself on my wall. That’s the real me, and I’m proud to put a face to my avatar for those I consider friends. People are too afraid in this day and age to be honest, and frankly… it’s pathetic. I won’t hide who I am, I like me… and I embrace it.
I’ve recently run into several friends on HOME who have become… flirtatious with me. This is a risky and weird place to be for me. I don’t understand online dating and don’t pretend to. I do know this though… until they send me a pic of them holding a copy of today’s paper with the date on it, holding up 3 fingers like I requested… I’m not buying who they say they are. If you want to even entertain the notion of romance on the internet with me, then proove you aren’t some dude looking to have a lol at my expense.
It comes down to this. If you want to believe someone is who they say they are then have at it. But don’t come crying to others when your dreams are crushed because you are gullible and didnt take the right steps to get informed or protect yourself. And don’t give me this bleeding heart BS about lonley teen girl who got crushed either. We are all lonely, male or female. She just wasn’t smart… period. She has no one to blame but herself for getting hurt.
Life sucks, but it’s how we learn and toughen up and become smarter about our environment… real, or digital.