by TheOtherRainMan, HSM team writer

“I find that it keeps the pervs away,” said one of my fellow Homelings about our Echochrome uniform at a recent assimilation.

As someone who had been her friend since the early days of Home, and before she joined Homelings, I knew what she was referring to. When I would hang out with her, we would get a steady stream of guys dancing “rock” right on top of her, and we often had to keep moving to different areas because she would recieve numerous advances. They ranged from somewhat innocent but flirtatious (“Hey baby. How’s it going tonight?”) to down right rude and scary (“u shuld ditch that loser and cum with me. u know u want it”).

As someone with friends who often frequent 4chan and Encylcopaedia Dramatica, I found myself shocked to see not only this type of behavior, but to see how widespread it was. When I initially came into Home, I knew there would be immature behavior, as with any online community. That was expected. With that said, I was expecting it to be mild, considering the fact that

• You have to be eighteen to get a PSN account, I believe, and
• Home was still new at the time.

Despite my extremely naive beliefs, I saw an incredible amount of disrespectful behavior.

Something I noticed, though: the fact that all the comments seemed to give off a vibe that they were hitting on girls so they could say they conquered another girl or “add another notch to their belt”, in a manner of speaking. It was nothing more than a conquest. Unfortunately, we do live in a patriarchal society, and the fact is that women are often still viewed as objects or somehow lesser than men. We still, to some extent, ultimately believe that the man must lead. He must be the breadwinner. He must be the one that’s on top.

(Editor’s note: I’d love to see a man give birth. Wouldn’t you? Let’s talk “tough” for a moment.)

Why though? Why must men feel like they have to be number one? Why must the male dominate? Is it simply a matter of hormonal wiring, or is it culturally-taught behavior?

One of the best films of 2010 and one of the worst movies of all time seems to give a clue as to why so.

“I’m Your Future Husband – You Should Tell Me Everything!”

The sentence above is from The Room, Tommy Wiseau’s 2003 “masterpiece” — it’s been called the “Citizen Kane of bad movies” for it’s terrible acting, horrible camerawork, and its backstory involving Wiseau.

Wiseau’s background is mostly unknown; he hints to the fact that he was not American-born and that Tennessee Williams was a major influence. In this particular film, Wiseau is trying to recreate his view of the average American lifestyle – which includes having the man being the dominant one. The fact is that the media, especially western television and film, seems to reflect the sentiment that men are the dominant gender.

It’s something that has been happening since as far back as my little mind could remember. In the sixties, it was shows such as The Flintstones and I Love Lucy. In the seventies, it was The Brady Bunch and The Jeffersons. While shows starting in the eighties became much more socially conscientious, we still have shows like Everybody Loves Raymond and Modern Family which still sustain these roles.

“Final clubs. Not finals clubs.”

Despite Hollywood continuously pushing these gender roles, The Social Network, David Fincher’s brilliant film about the beginnings of Facebook, also examines the casual misogyny of the culture we live in.

First, Mark Zuckerberg’s roommate suggests an idea to compare girls to farm animals by putting their pictures side by side. Instead of farm animals, he decides to put pictures of girls with other girls side by side, and let people vote on them. This would eventually become ‘Facemash’. In the film, this scene is interrcut by a college party, which is gathering attractive females (like farm animals) for a wild Final Club party. This segment takes up less than ten minutes of film, but it says everything.

Within that small ten minute part, screeenwriter Aaron Sorkin established how gender roles have caused us to dehumanize women and ultimately turn the human race into a bit of a tragedy.

A Homely Impact

As I was doing research for the writing of this article, I began to reflect on Terra_Cide’s wonderful article, “Digital Abuse and Violence – Beyond Bullying” (which I strongly recommend you read). I was trying to wonder why men feel they need to be dominant. Why they must be the best. The very best. Why one would be driven to be violent towards someone they supposedly love, especially towards females. Is it out of insecurity? Or something else?

When I began to write the article, I was going to blame the media — ya know, what every person uses as a scapegoat when they can’t find something else. But as I began to write the article, I realized two things: first, there is always some truth, even if it is slight, in stereotypes. Any biologist or anthropologist will tell you that men and women are wired differently and built differently. Second, blaming the media is not a good idea, because the gender roles go back to the beginning of the species. It’s just something that was always there.

Even with saying that, people could still expect me to write a rah-rah-rah about how we must stop gender roles from existing and that we must abolish them.

The truth is that these gender roles are another part of our human psyche. To abolish them would be impossible and a waste of time.

Rather, I want to examine the importance of gender in a virtual society. Why does it even matter?

Here’s an example: ever watch a male in Home run from female to female, looking for someone to chat with? Why does he not stop and talk to any of the other solitary males? Why is he (typically) only drawn to women? In real life, there is the possibility of physical interaction; in Home, it’s all just a digital construct.

Is this why some males choose to cross-dress in Home? Just to get attention? I’ll wager if you asked these same cross-dressers to do so in real life, they’d think you were nuts.

Isn’t it interesting that gender-neutral outfits, such as the Move Controller “skin” for your avatar, are practically never worn?

I think it is safe to say that humans, in general, are a somewhat bestial species when the veneer of civility is stripped away. Home, with its comfortable anonymity, offers a very dark commentary on the immaturity of a lot of the people — particularly males — who populate it. This is the dark side of having a wondrous fantasyland to play in.

A theory on this, and it’s a thought that stems from IrishSiren’s recent article: is there so much misogyny in Home (and in real life) because it’s women who ultimately have the power?

Think about it for a moment. A reasonably attractive woman can walk into a bar, and if she so chooses, select a mate to enjoy for the evening with relatively little effort. A reasonably attractive man has no such ability; he must work much, much harder to secure a mate. How much frustration, thus, must be out there? Is the harassment against women in Home fueled more by anger than sexual desire? Is it further reinforced by the subliminal impotency of not being able to consummate relations with a woman encountered digitally, no matter what?

There is a brighter side to this as well, however. As DarthGranny mentioned in a recent article, Home allows people from both genders to do two things: make themselves more attractive than perhaps they actually are, and also experience what it’s like to be in the shoes of the other gender.

How odd must it be for a woman, for instance, to dress as a male…and be left alone?

How does a man feel, when crossdressing as a woman to get attention, to suddenly bear the brunt of constant male behavior which, in real life, is held in check by the threat of legal repercussions?

Home is as close to the classic definition of a sustainable anarchistic society as I think we can ever get. There’s practically no discernible police presence. There’s a general sense that people can get away with misbehaving and suffer little more than, at worst, a slap on the wrist. There’s little need to be nice to other people, and if things go wrong, you simply shed your identity and start over. Thus, civility is not really enforced. People interact with each other based almost entirely on their own sense of morality.

(And now I’m going to ask a doozy: is this part of the thrill of Home? The idea of surviving and thriving in a world where all bets are off?)

Yes, we can’t change the mindsets of everyone. There will still be stupid boys on Home harassing females. There will still be abusers, and yes, Tommy Wiseau and Mark Zuckerberg still exist. But if we can adapt a positive change in one person, then by George, good has been done. There is a line from Lost Horizon which has been cited several times on HSM, and it’s one I wholly agree with: “Be KIND to one another.”

We’re in this thing called life together. Let’s make the best of it. Home is a wonderful place, but Home is what we make of it.

Further Reading/Viewing

• The Social Network is now available on PSN Video Store
• The Social Network Screenplay by Aaron Sorkin
• The Room – Official Site
• Entertainment Weekly’s piece on The Room
• A Blog Post analyzing The Room
• A Superb Analysis of the gender roles in TSN
• A Great Article comparing TSN to Citizen Kane
• A terrific and hilarious critical look at The Room
• Feminist Criticism on the Gender Roles of Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (the Best Movie of 2010)
• Terra_Cide’s wonderful article “Digital Abuse and Violence – Beyond Bullying”

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One Response to “Gender Roles In A Virtual Society”

1. Nugget1976funk says:

   March 2, 2011 at 7:42 pm

   Fantastic article! Id like to share the response I got when I asked a male cross dresser at Hudsons why he did it…he said “because my dolphins always lost when I dressed as a man, now that I dress sexy, I win. The game is sexist.” Woooow really? Do people really think that dressing in a bossom enhancing gold shirt will make a game favor them???

   Reply