You Might Be In Home If…
By Olivia_Allin, HSM guest contributor
You Might Be In Home If…
- If you ever salsa danced with an AK-47 strapped to your back.
- If you have ever bowled with a dog, a zombie and a stormtrooper at the same time.
- If you ever had your butt sniffed in a public place by someone dressed like a ninja.
- If you ever got a cramp in your thumb from trying a new dance move.
- If you ever had 37 random strangers ask to be your friend in one day without even saying hello first.
- If you get asked where you are from and how old you are and then the asker turns and walks away.
- If you change clothes in public more than 14 times in one hour.
- If you own more property than Donald Trump and make less than $14,000 a year.
- If you see the sun less than a vampire does.
- If you use the caps-lock key to yell.
- If you get asked to join the mafia more than once a day.
- If your name has numbers, dashes or begins and ends with X.
- If your diet consists of only sub sandwiches and lollipops.
- If you ever said you were sorry that you “poofed.”
- If you ever muted the music while you danced because you couldn’t stand to here it one more time.
- If you ever have gone to the mall to play a game of chess with a stranger.
- If you ever had to report a spam troll.
- If you ever entered a room full of people you could see through.
- If you ever bet on a dolphin.
- If you ever get tired of getting free t-shirts.
- If it takes three minutes to find your wardrobe.
- If you are comfortable standing on a bench and dancing in your swimsuit while discussing your favorite TV show or sporting event.
- If your pets consists of a bunny, monkey and zombie cat.
- If looking for your friend means turning on your TV.
- If you ever have seen the armless Black Knight from Monty Python’s Holy Grail swimming at the beach.
- If you can add more than three of your own ideas to this list.
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About the author: Olivia_Allin is a former fashion model who resides in Texas with her boyfriend. Home is more than just a game to her.
January 17th, 2011 by Olivia_Allin | 16 comments
Olivia_Allin is a team writer, photographer, model, curator, graphic artist, researcher and comic relief for HomeStation Magazine; she lives in Texas with her boyfriend, and Home is more than just a game to her. Years ago she discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. On weekends, to let off steam, she participate in full-contact origami. She saw a Bigfoot once, made a sound you never want to hear twice, and was so proud of her Special Olympics gold medal that she had it bronzed. She is, in her own words, adorkable.
Thank you, Olivia.
But you should add a warning up top: “Warning! Do NOT read this while drinking or eating!”
This was so hilarious I had to stop several times, because I was laughing so hard at one item that I couldn’t move on to the next.
I agree about the don’t read while eating but drinking could make it funnier…lol…jk
- if you ever tried to Block and Report your husband and kids
-- if you wonder why your real life clothes don’t fit the same
-- if you forgot where you stashed those new games you bought last November and never played
lol… a true veteran
-if you have ever worn a swim suit while its snowing, or a snow suit to the beach
-if you have ever had your crotch sniffed and stared at while surrounded by tons of onlookers
-if you have ever played a game to win free clothes just so you can show off how cool you are
-if you feel like your constantly being censored when you try to talk
-if you can follow and participate in several conversations at the same time (you are either on home or an average woman)
-if you have paid $4.99 for an outfit or .99c for one item of clothes (you are either on home or at Goodwill)
You said you wouldn’t tell people I shopped at Goodwill
- If you’ve actually been chased by an evil doll
-- Played HORSE basketball against a flying saucer
-- Been in your Paris Clocktower apartment, then 30 seconds later you are in the Mall
-- Your butt starts to hurt even though you haven’t sat down for hours
-- You discover you can’t leave your aparment because you haven’t put away your bubble machine
-- You go to the Midway with a girl who turns out to be a guy (Sorry, that one I did in real life)
That doll freaks me way out!
Those were hysterical!!! Thank you for the laughs!
Thank you for laughing with me… most just laugh at me…lol.
TheBrightestGlow had a thread on the forums titled, “You Know You’re addicted to Home When…”
It was a good one lol
I remember that thread! And yeah, it was hysterical. I wonder if the author would give us permission to republish…hmmm.
Hmmm… what are the chances the Commander of Mothership 10 would agree to this… ?
Great fun, here is one for you. You might be in Home if… your avatar looks like its taken up chewing and spitting tobacco or has suddenly gotten a foot fetish.
-- You have so many friends it takes all night just to talk to a quarter of them.
-- You have a cow eating flying saucer in your hot tub.
-- You have teenagers asking your age and when you tell them you are old enough to be their grandma they still want to be your boyfriend.
You can have a cow or a flying saucer in your hot tub and thats okay… but a cow eating flying saucer is what makes it Home…lol
You might be in HOME if…
The Grim Reaper comes up to you and asks you if you want to be in a Fam.
The little cutie you were talking to all of a sudden changes to a guy, then into a “Move” controller then into a dog.
People dancing on the beach with no music (I’ve seen that in RL before, but with a lot of empty bottles around them…).