![]() |
By Jordan Hoffman June 2, 2011 |
5 | Darth Gayder |
Yes, that is David Prowse as the strangely dressed iron-pumping bodyguard that now protects the writer from earlier in the film.
He's wearing what was the single most baffling outfit in any Sci-Fi type movie before Sean Connery in Zardoz.
4 | Revenge, A Dish Best Served Al Dente |
Echoing the medieval tale The Virgin Spring (better known to you as Last House on the Left) Alex is now in the care of his former victim's family. Only this time, there's something special in the marinara.
3 | Pee and Em |
After squeezing a human interest story out of him, our writer/victim/chef tortures Alex with Beethoven's 9th until he is driven to jump out of a window (and bring a first person camera along with him.)
In the hospital (or, as Britons say, "in hospital," because they hate the word "the,") he is nursed back to sociopathic health and visited by his parents who apologize for everything.
2 | I've Suffered the Tortures of the Damned |
A political hot potato, Alex is now literally being spoonfed by a now unpopular government seen as leading its youth to suicide.
1 | After This, Manuel Noriega's House |
In celebration of Alex's deal with the government (which wasn't all that much different with his deal with the prison priest, or the Ludovico Centre) he is rewarded with Beethoven blasting on speakers so absurdly huge they could destroy every hi-fi in every wood paneled basement in the 1970s.
Then he envisions himself with a naked girl cowboy-riding him in the snow as men and women in victorian dress cheer him on in slow motion.
That's how you end a movie.