by ted2112, HSM team writer

I was reading an article — about dog years and how their life cycle differs from our own — and naturally thought of Home. This is no surprise, because I can see a sandwich and think of Home; it’s just the way my big, squishy brain works. But I digress. Home, like anything else, has a lifespan — and that lifespan is drastically different from our 365 day arc around the sun that we use to define time.

So what I did is try to measure Home’s lifespan. This is a bit of a challenge, because Home is still alive and kicking, but with all the recent developments and the advent of the PS4, I feel the writing is on the wall. So, here’s what I came up with:

The lifespan of Home will be eight years. Six years so far from open beta, and I give it another two years to go. So, that being said, I calculated using the average North American lifespan being seventy-nine years and divided by eight. This gives us roughly ten Earth years to the Home year. So, in Home, I’m sixty. For those who got in at the closed Beta, you’re seventy.

We’re not doing too bad for a bunch of pre-retirees, don’t you think? I intend to stay in Home until they kick me out, and if all possible hide in the Dream Island glitch when they close Home, so I can have it all to myself. So that will make me eighty years old at the end. I’m not sure who will be left around when that day comes to read it, but here’s what I want my Home obituary to be:

ted2112 passed away at his Harbour Studio, surrounded by friends and many reward items.

ted2112 was a writer whose notable works included “Nova,” a Home fan fiction novella, and as a team writer for HomeStation Magazine. ted2112 was active in the Home community and worked tirelessly behind the scenes, not only with articles for the PlayStation news reader, but with many Home think tanks and clubs. In Home years, he was eighty, and finally succumbed to DAS (disappearing avatar syndrome).

ted2112’s last word was “clothesbud.” We’re not sure if he meant “rosebud,” and will probably never know. ted2112’s virtual ashes were supposed to be laid to rest off his private tropical escape beach, but accidentally dumped in the waters off the adventure district. Sony apologizes for the mess.

We have all seen people come and go from Home. So the lifespan of these folks is shorter than us crusty veterans. I would love to find a statistic on what the average Home user time is, but you know Sony and their love of sharing any kind of data, so I will take a guess and say 2.5 years. That’s twenty-five Home years. Sad, but there is so much to do in Home…it’s not the years it’s the mileage. Welcome to Home — live fast, die young!

When did you spawn in Home? When was that magical day? For me it was the night of December 11, 2008.  The servers were jammed with people downloading, but somehow I made it and haven’t looked back since. Six years down — hopefully two to go!   When’s your Home birthday? Were you like me and found yourself in the old Home Square, fumbling your way through the tutorial that first night, or was it later? How long have you been sticking around, and how old are you in Home Years?

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2 Responses to “How Old Are You in Home Years?”

1. Burbie52 says:

   July 3, 2014 at 2:32 pm

   I am going on fifty in Home years. Came in December 2009 and never looked back either.

   Reply
2. scamp_73 says:

   July 3, 2014 at 4:40 pm

   I’m about fifty, but took about a year off, In the real world you can’t do that so call me forty!

   Reply