by Jin “Mama” Lovelace, HSM team writer & Filmmaker

Author’s foreword: this article should be read in the same vein as Tyler Perry’s “Madea” character, but with my own “twang” to it.

You know what boils me, besides cholesterol and my blood sugar? I’ll tell you: it’s these pigheaded fruitlets that humankind have called “men” that allowed such atrocities like “Saggy Skinny Jeans” be the ones to tease others out here in the Club.

Don’t nobody want to see the crack of your BE-HIND every time I log into PlayStation Home! None!

Whenever I go to the Glittering Sands Beach: crack!

To the Music Unlimited Club: crack!

The Sunset Lounge: crack!

Oh you wish to party at The Hub? Crack!

Dudefest ’14: full of crack!

Justin Beiber: ON crack!

Everywhere I turn, I see nothing BUT crack! The crack of YOUR buns that you’re unconsciously flaunting around some sap suckers that already treat Home like it’s there prison. I see so much crack these days, you’d swear the developers need to create an LMO to depict how high I’m off of y’all just flailing your crack of your butts around the space coming to say “Hello” and expect for some woman to be swoon.

So let me explain a bit on why I’m hooping and hollering about this new drug I’m viewing on Home.

I’ve snapped literally four photos of three men in saggy denims and topless torsos running around, dancing around, prancing around like I’m in Alcatraz. Child, if this was that setting, I do NOT want to be stuck in here looking at this mess! Throwing up asterisks, dollar signs, and some other letter/symbol mess talking about “we trill all day, err’day! So like us, or–” whatever that mess said because I couldn’t read any of it!

I understand y’all want to express your little selves however you please. I get that, but aren’t y’all the ones crying about “oh how Home don’t have a lot of clothes for men and the developers/Sony suck for this!” I don’t know about you, but for the past 5-6 years of Home’s lifespan you’ve been treated to several different styles of pants and shorts that’re aesthetically — yes, aesthetically – appealing, and you prefer to run around showing off your assets!

You get enough complaining as it is when you see women skipping and jumping about how skimpy their little towels are with some diva attitude (see “Skimpy Divas: a social spectrum” article) like they’re so above society itself, caring about internet fame and being some star in some forum….yes, it’s taking you many places, girlfriends!

But back to YOU, my brothers!

I’m gonna take you deeper a bit on this skimpy medium I see from you men: why is it that when you approach a girl, she says “go away”, and you start to act like high class jackasses? Women are stuck up because they couldn’t breathe from laughing at you with your drawers showing.

And why is it that every time I see a fam group, there has to be one guy fully clothed that has to “summon” (I had to be a bit ‘fancy there)  five of his childish, half-naked minions to have his back. Now, picture this: five boys with no shirts on who are called on like dogs by a fully clothed leader of their pack to help “roast” on someone that happens to defend themselves from their atrocious grammar.

Why is it that the leader has to be fully clothed? Don’t you find that odd also? Why do you just have to go grammatically wail on someone that doesn’t want to see the crack of your buttocks and get virtually high off you! Like rounding them up and selling them on the market like a new drug: “Fam Dope! Wanna get your buzz on? We’re selling each of these fine young’uns like a bake sale, so come on and get high off our finest product.”

My point: if you wish to be taken seriously, then start taking yourself seriously. Even moreso because this mess is starting to get on my nerves! I can only laugh at y’all so much until I start feeling sorry for every last one of y’all, especially when you’re trying to show something that you don’t even got in real life. 

It’s unattractive. Plain and simple. You wanna be funny? Well, that ain’t it. I know only just a few that does it right. I tell you, you pale in comparison to them, pointblankperiod!

With that said, y’all have to excuse me because this just make me hungry for some Krispy Kreme Doughnuts for some reason, as they’re known for their crack-like treats.

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2 Responses to “Mama Lovelace on: Skimpy Debonair — A Social Spectrum”

1. Burbie52 says:

   June 22, 2014 at 12:51 pm

   LOL Jin that was a hoot. I laugh every time I see one of these people in real life as well. I will never understand the allure of having someone see your underwear or something worse.

   Reply
2. FLooZY_69 says:

   June 23, 2014 at 8:59 pm

   OMG!!!; Rolling around the floor LMAO. You hit the nail on the head with this 1. A grand slam.

   Reply