by RadiumEyes, HSM team writer

Everyone experiences a rough patch in their life: when things go askew and you don’t know what’s going on.

When one suffers from clinical depression, such vagaries of life can become more pronounced and seemingly insurmountable.  I spoke of the difficulties of going through depression, both in life and on Home, in an article that eventually made it to the HPG reader – that piece stands as an achievement for me, as it allowed me to speak frankly about my emotional struggles, and how it relates to a social network. Anxiety and depression, when combined, are debilitating when they strike; for me, I go through moments of self-doubt and irrational fears that may last for an hour or more. The subject needed to be addressed, and I remain eternally grateful for the positive feedback I received from readers who loved the article in question.

Yet there’s one thing that I would like to point out about anxiety – no immediate cure exists for it, and treating the issue depends on the individual. However, one can manage it effectively via various methods of soothing the mind, from yoga to exercise to anything in between; these means of calming oneself down are indispensable in treating depression (especially for me – I can attest to the efficacy of meditation and self-improvement), so regularly engaging in them becomes all the more important.

Now, here’s another aspect of depression that may not be explicitly discussed – the importance of friendship.

I can only speak personally, so I will approach this topic from my experiences. Home became this wonderful means of connecting with others, and through shared interests and aspirations, I found close friends in many; it was through Home (well, Estim20, specifically) that I got introduced to Terra and Norse, and ultimately I found my voice as a writer for HomeStation Magazine. I don’t know of any words that can adequately express my gratitude for being able to write for the publication – the team has many amazing individuals working toward a common goal, while maintaining their own personal ambitions and desires. This atmosphere afforded me some great comfort, as I could apply my writing skills (and my nerdy interests) to a magazine that welcomed me and encouraged me to tackle various topics (such as depression) that transcend culture and speak to many people.

That is where friendship comes in – being able to confide in close friends, and speak openly about one’s own troubles and tribulations, is rather cathartic. Of course, therapy remains the best avenue for dealing with psychological issues; friends are there to lend an ear, and help you whenever (and however) possible. Take my situation, for example; people familiar with my idiosyncrasies could tell you about my self-doubt and obsessive tendencies. I happen to be rather poorly-equipped to handle social cues, and I tend to apologize profusely for some wrong I thought I committed. This all ties to my depression, as I misinterpret things people say; if I sense something’s wrong, I internalize it, feeling guilty for my behavior. For those not entirely familiar with that attitude, internalization of external stimuli can result in someone feeling rather unimportant and embarrassed – depression exacerbates this, as one can dwell on any sort of error (real or imagined) that they perceive in the course of a day. What I described holds particularly true for myself; I can interpret things the wrong way, thinking others have a low opinion of me, and I want to apologize over and over again for anything that I might have done to irritate them.

Obsessive behavior puts me in a loop of self-conscious thoughts; I think I did something terrible, and that becomes my train of thought for an indefinite period of time.

Returning to the subject of friendship, I have a deep desire to be accepted, and any social hiccup or (perceived) inability to speak with others triggers my anxiety. It’s all part of my psychological framework, and my friends could probably attest to this – it’s rather difficult to express my discomforts, but I eventually do so, thanks in no small part to the patience and understanding of my friends. That social network thus acts as a safety net for me; friends make the world go ‘round, and Home allows for some wonderful interaction. Granted, Home also has its fair share of bad behavior across the spectrum – as social networks expand, the chances of someone acting up increases. It has nothing to do with the program itself, however; people’s perceptions of anonymity and disregard for consequences more likely explain how they behave badly when in the presence of others. In this light, having great friends makes the bad experiences far more tolerable – you are assured of a place where you feel safe, in the company of people who understand your eccentricities and accept you for who you are.

As a piece of general advice: people have their own issues outside Home to deal with, and they may not readily reply. As someone who freaks out over even the slightest of problems, I fall into the trap of assuming people don’t want to speak with me; this increases my anxiety, and I fear that a friend might see me as a bad person. Friendship is all about understanding – people do have other things to tend to, and they might not be disposed to conversation at the moment. That doesn’t mean they’re mad at you or anything; they simply have some life issues to take care of, and that takes precedence over a long conversation. That makes us human; we all have our own unique problems that must be addressed, and that can take a while. For someone with depression, my major goal is to not obsess so much other anything; it only makes things more difficult to deal with, as my anxiety can go through the roof.

Elbert Hubbard has several applicable quotes here. My personal favorite runs thus: “A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same.” This quote has some variations, so I’m not sure if that particular quotation is accurate, but the sentiment holds up; friends like you, regardless of your personal mistakes and eccentricities. That alone is worth celebrating – knowing that I have friends helps me tremendously. And may you, the reader, find happiness in friendship.

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One Response to “Friendship and Depression”

1. Jin Lovelace says:

   May 11, 2014 at 3:20 am

   Great article, Radi!

   Reply