by NorseGamer, HSM Publisher

So you’re following a Home developer for years, right, buying all their stuff, leaving emoticon comments on their Facebook wall, thinking about how cool it would be to actually be there and get paid to do that stuff for a living, because let’s face it, if you’re a Home developer, DAMN, that’s like winning a Powerball when the Powerball payout is Bar Refaeli. But then your favorite developer puts out a “dev diary” video and while at first you’re thinking it couldn’t be any more epic if Lawrence Kasdan wrote it, then you get about thirty seconds in and realize it’s some dood monotone-droning about xml and json files and API calls and WHAT THE HELL EVEN WHEN I FAST-FORWARD IT’S THE SAME GUY TALKING ABOUT XML AND JSON FILES AND API CALLS AND WE’RE AN HOUR INTO THIS PIE-HOLE.

You don’t want to see the tedious bits about making video games any more than you want to listen to Jane Fonda about anything. Sure, making games is hard work and long hours and that guy next to you smells like stale Fritos and after a bazillion-hour week you look like Mickey Rourke but that’s not what the audience wants to see. They want to know that when you get out of your car in the morning, you’re about to go Limit Break a Hadouken on some Goombas, make out with Zelda and summon Bahamut to heat up your nachos. Because that’s what we all got into this industry for: the nachos.

So that’s what we decided to do with the reinvented LOOTcast: just a dumptruck full of nachos.

If you’re one of those communists who actually wants a dev diary with charts and graphs and everything in one long unchanging master shot then I suggest you go back to watching the Lifetime Channel because clearly you enjoy monotony and that’s okay but your life will never amount to anything. If however you’ve wanted to see your favorite developers running around filming whatever the frak they want and capturing all those cool moments that reinforce your (accurate) belief that working in the games industry is more epic than Estelle Getty torching a village with a flamethrower — yeah, picture that — then you’ve come to the right place because all we serve is epic win here. The first few episodes, starting with this one, are the exposition scenes to get you familiarized with the LOOT team members who might appear in these episodes:

DAVID: God of Thunder. Is actually a metal DJ who trains in MMA. Is probably also responsible for the Macedonian victory at Gaugamela.

DANILO: Brazilian computer science genius behind the EOD. Was programming 3D models at eleven. May have also invented the internet.

RICHIE: Lounge singer who moonlights as a ridiculously talented Forsaken Planet design/programming lead. Has a sexy bald head.

REMI: Reincarnation of Edmond Rostand and Jean-Paul Sartre fused together into a Forsaken Planet creative lead. Has a sexy French accent, but you knew that already.

OLIVIA: Swedish ginger. Playwright and spontaneous songstress. Has a legit Viking longboat tattoo on the back of her neck. LARPs Game of Thrones. No, really.

MEMIGE: Forsaken Planet programmer who is also a mighty interdimensional emperor. We’re not making this up.

LINDSEY: Likes cats, stabbing implements and Ubisoft. Sometimes even in that order.

GETAHUN: The male Mara Jade of LOOT Entertainment — never visible, but always there.

CHRISTIAN: An amazing (and amazingly unassuming) artist. Picture Bob Ross with a dev kit and Adobe software. Is probably also a ninja assassin.

THOMAS: Another amazing artist who has frustratingly awesome hair and Gianni Agnelli’s wardrobe.

PRATEEK: Makes Geordi La Forge look like Lennie Small. Once told Professor Falken how to debug the WOPR. Secretly powers his car with zero-point energy.

BEN: James Wesley Rawles as a software coding genius. Has a sandwich named after him at Jackson Market. Enjoys trance music.

DAN: Solved Fermat’s Last Theorem while still in the womb. Would actually understand you if you asked about the 35th stellation of an icosahedron.

ASHLEY: Soft-spoken, flannel-wearing goddess of QA. Enjoys bowling. Is a Cylon.

Of course, this does not include all of the hidden unlockable characters at the office (like Steve and Vanessa, who have special finance powers). Once we get past the opening expository episodes, we’ll dive into some different content. But for now, watch and enjoy the most demented dev diary you’ll ever see: the LOOTcast, Episode #0 — Proof of Noncept!

 

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One Response to “The LOOTcast, Episode #0: Proof of Noncept”

1. Jersquall says:

   October 31, 2013 at 3:41 am

   Really happy to see Ex-Bellevue residents get work. Danilo, crazy as I remember! Serious though. great to see the team and a little behind the scenes stuff. Keep up the craziness guys and cylons. You eat awesome sauce daily.

   Reply