Behind the Avatar
by Jin Lovelace, HSM filmmaker
“What is a man? Nothing more but a pile of secrets!”
Just when you think a video game couldn’t tout something that could make an impact later in life, you get that sense of depth about what you’re playing, what buttons you’re mashing, and the purpose behind the aforementioned. For instance, that quote was taken from Dracula in Castlevania: Rondo of Blood and a prologue scene to Castlevania: Symphony of the Night.
So: what is a man? What is a person behind the avatar? How can one deal with the sociology of the virtual construct Sony has called PlayStation Home?
If I am correct, the PlayStation 3 is the first gaming and multimedia console — your Playstation 3 is more than just a gaming machine that you turn on and play games with — to ever introduce an MMO social network with the use of avatars to depict one’s persona and character.
Playstation Home allows users to login and create an experience for themselves; to bask within the public spaces, spreading oneself abroad to fellow gamers from around the world. Perhaps you find other users to game launch into your favorite platform, or socialize, or create cool machinima and become inspired to develop a line of fashion items, Home is a virtual society that allows all of us to bring forth creativity and talent, to sharing with everyone just who you are.
I’ll admit that there has been a lot of mystery around just exactly who most are behind the avatars they create. Lets go further: the agenda behind the avatar they create. The most common would be men creating female avatars for self-expression. Some would portray a Manic Pixie Dream Girl persona for desirable attention — with reasons behind it would only be between them — while others would do so with motives that leads into potential problems.
So what is a man behind the avatar?
Self-expression. If you haven’t noticed there are tons beyond tons of articles within this site that testify as to how Home has been nothing short of a blessing in their livelihoods, be it overcoming social problems, confronting inner demons, or perhaps finding love through legitimate means. I can honestly say that Home, when used correctly, is truly a brilliant spectacle. So I’m inquiring to all here: how can one judge another for how they spend their time on Home? Most would log on to express themselves through fashionable items, showcase their artistic talents through decorative creativity, and so forth. All quite legitimate — and that would be the key piece here, because too many people take that word lightly.
There is no question that some very bad behavior takes place in Home, and certainly there are examples of men portraying themselves as women for frankly nefarious reasons. Such behavior really has no ethical defense. Putting that group aside, though, there are plenty of other motives for choosing a female avatar gender in Home if one is male, as Keara pointed out two years ago in her landmark article, “Seven Reasons For Cross-Dressing.”
The avatar, Jin Lovelace.
Instead of regurgitating such perspectives, then, I’ll tell you a story from the eyes of Cereza “Jin” Lovelace.
For me, I’ve undergone a lot of growing pains in my life, which lead to being different from the “in” crowd. I was never the type to aspire to that sort of social circle, but I can say that it’s not like I haven’t felt alone for a long time. We all fell short in our lives to amend or compromise on situations to accommodate us, our profile. This extends to my love for fashion in the real world, art, and even food. I’ve always had this method of thinking on how most would never understand who I am, but in the end I’ve learned I’m never meant to be understood by others but myself. We’re a compliment to each other; whether you believe that or not depends on how you view others around you.
Don’t believe me? Then answer yourself this: why would anyone take interest of you?
I wasn’t fortunate to experience the internet until I was twenty-two years of age, so learning the mental laws and rules on how you conduct yourself never stuck with me. All I had was common sense and a vision; an artistic one at that. I’ve always been under fire on a lot of things: the way I view the world, my height (I’m 6’9), my shoe size, the way I carry myself, my racial profile and how I speak. This is nothing different from my life to my social character on PlayStation Home. Here, Home has allowed me to create a persona based around who I am and–with the help of a friend–a classy character personality to depict intelligence. I’ve learned that it’s one thing to have great IQ, but how you go about socially demonstrating it is another matter entirely.
But it’s not a deterrence of my own personality. I mean, I love fashion and I love who I am, but to my admittance I never understood why.
Who am I behind the Avatar?
Well, I’ll tell you: I’m a man. I’m a man who simply loves fashion in Home (and in the real world), female characters, enjoys his time on video games, art, basketball, and learning about the meaning of life. This isn’t exactly some great revelation — I’ve never made a secret of my actual gender behind the avatar — but it may help to provide context to the point that I’m trying to make: namely, that the stigma behind men who use female avatars — that they are lonely, fat, and stay with their parents — is not always accurate. I’m not lonely, I live a healthy lifestyle, my parents are the love of my life, I’m happily pursuing degrees in philosophy and business, and I enjoy discussing everything from culinary delicacies, martial arts, and artists such as Ma Wing Shing, Jim Lee, Andy Seto and Joe Madureira.
It is interesting, though, to see how people react when they hear a deep voice coming from a rather sultry female avatar; some people shrug it off and don’t mind it, whilst others were baffled and shocked. One person instantly deleted me, which — sad as it was — I understood. Humans are a visual species, and we still have a hard time adapting to the virtual world where appearance and identity are not synonymous.
Ziggy Stardust was, after all, just a character.
And that, perhaps, is why it’s so fascinating to explore a virtual society in a different identity: because how we experience life is largely dependent upon what we ourselves are — and we have utterly no control over what gender, ethnicity, physical appearance or other such markers we are born with. So to interact in a virtual world where everyone is free to throw away those markers, it makes the sociological experience of Home very fascinating to explore. There are no achievements or trophies from this. There is something far more interesting: experiencing life itself through a new lens.
There is a difference between who I am and the persona I’ve created for Home — a persona based on what I love in life and with myself. I’ve undergone two surgeries (not on what you think!) and endured with a great, better outlook on life, all thanks to PlayStation Home and the developers that provided me with something to do with the time on my hands: to bring an elegant perspective on fashion. Which, in turn, helped with my writing, reading and art comprehension.
This, then, is my appeal to you: express yourself, no matter what. If your motives are good, and you’re not hurting anyone, then who am I to judge?
Express yourself. That’s what we create with our avatars in Home. That’s ultimately who we are behind them.
November 11th, 2012 by Jin Lovelace | 9 comments
Jin Lovelace is a machinimist and team writer for HomeStation Magazine, as well as the founder of Twilight Touch Inc. -- http://twilighttouchinc.com and http://youtube.com/twilighttouchinc. When not found in PlayStation Home, Jin studies graphic design and illustration (character design and fashion), gaming, and the culinary arts.
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Great article. I agree that it doesn’t matter what gender you pick in Home as long ad you don’t use it to trick or hurt people. I have many guy friends who dress as females either exclusively, like you Jin, or once in awhile. To me it is just another facet of their personality, because whether men like to admit it or not they all have a female, softer side inside of them, just as females have a male counterpart in them as well. In real life we may be gender specific, but in Home we can explore what life would be like on the other side of the coin, and that can be an enriching experience for anyone. Good read.
I tend to lean towards great comprehension on the “softer” side of things. It showcases something that not many will understand, and that’s being humble. Home is a niche to where you can achieve something that not many are aware of, to connect with the few not many will ever understand, and more so to learn more about not just who others are, but just who--yourself--are.
It sounds weird, I know. But look at it this way: it’s about comfort, not stereotype. I like female fashion, I like women, I’m comfortable even being referred to as a “she”, “her”, or by Cereza. I just know in the end when I take any of my female friends out, they aren’t bored when they Shop for clothes. You’ll be surprised on how many would look at me to say how great my outfit coordination is on them or pick and choose on how certain apparel looks complimentive on them.
A great advantage indeed, Burbie. :3 Thanks for the comment.
I think the people that are upset by a male using a female, or female using a male avatar are the ones looking for more out of the relationship. It never sways me one way or the other because simply, I’m only looking for friends, and the quirkier, the better!
However, the people who swap their gender in Home for tricking others is fairly rife, so I’ll always watch how a person types. Things like word usage in certain contexts can be the “Adams Apple” of a fair few female avatars. But then, most men will be taken in with just TGE look of an avatar ans start thinking with their pixel-stick rather than their main processor lol, and THAT’S when male pride hurts and arguments start. Which ironically, should be understood the most by the men who portray these women in the first place!
I get what you mean. The fact is that I have many friends who would portray as both gender avatars and I never thought anything of it. I’ve come to grips that most who would get angry--both genders of real life counterparts--ARE seeking something in depth. I just think outside the box a LOT and just don’t have a narrowmind on most things.
Many have this “comfort zone” to which they open themselves around certain genders. It’s fine and all but at the same time it can be problematic because it tends to be a judgemental ordeal rather than natural human character to let shine through the avatar. I tend to look deep into one person to see if I can take them seriously or not. In the end, that’s the most important thing to me.
But please PLEASE forgive me Krazyface for when I say I don’t know the acronym for “TGE”.
But thanks for the response nonetheless. 
Heh, TGE isn’t an acronym for anything, it’s my phone’s auto-correct gone very wrong lol! That’s supposed to just be “the” not “TGE”. I have no idea why it does that. Oh, and that’s “and” too, not “ans”.
Need an Edit button in the comments…
Ahhh xD No problem.
Great article! I have thought a lot on this subject. It can be very interesting to walk in another’s shoes. However, I would warn those attempting this to treat it as an experiment and not invest too much in a fictional persona. I made the mistake of doing this, and it was very traumatic when I finally had to separate myself from the character I had created.
Jin, great article I too have an avatar that I use for myself. I made her to match my artistic sense and am very proud of her. She in fact has half of my wardrobe slots. I do, on occasion, face people that are not comfy with my sultry and sexy pink haired girl and I too have found people amazed to hear my deep voice on the back side of the mic representing my pink haired avi I created. Some people have objected, and when it’s people I care for, I do find myself having to adjust my walk. I simply feel that I enjoy the world around me in Home and I want to tailor it to me as I encourage all to tailor their world to themselves. I am a strait male, and my walk as a woman is not some repressed feeling, just a guy that got really good at drawing female sci fi pin ups and was able to make one in this virtual world. Yeah some folks will delete us, and not like what we do, but to me Home is a place where we can express ourselves however we want, be it horns on the head, wings, different skin color, height, weight, what ever is not really us, is a walk into fantasy and I am for that. Some folks like to represent themselves more literally, and I am for that 100% too. In this realm, this is our fun and freedom. This is how I represent myself, at least half the time. Great article Jin.
And that is an amazing comment, FEMAELSTROM!
Thanks for the reply!