Jumping Verbal Rope
by Olivia_Allin, HSM team photographer
It has happened to all of us at one time or another. While in a public space in Home, we are either having a conversation, or overhear an interesting conversation. Depending on which applies to you, there is a subtle dance — almost a verbal square dance — that takes place each time a stranger, or yourself, joins in. The grace in which one can à la man left while joining the conversation can dictate how that person is received.
It is not uncommon to be having a conversation in a public space, and have an outsider join in uninvited. This is not necessarily always a bad thing. It depends on what that person brings to the conversation table, and how it is brought.
In real life, not only would it be odd, but somewhat threatening, if let’s say you and some friends were standing talking in a mall and a stranger walks up and throws their two cents in. But, in Home, this is the norm.
How Home conversations begin.
Norm or not, there are commonsense etiquette rules that apply. Just calling it “common sense” does not mean it is sense that is commonly known. But, if executed properly, joining in on a good conversation cannot only be entertaining, informative, humorous, educational or fun, but a great way to make friends.
One of my favorite things about Home is the randomness of the conversations. Home is the ultimate petri dish of strange sentences. And strange sentences serve as a bright red wiggling worm on a conversation hook. But before opening one’s mouth and swallowing said conversational hook, there are many unwritten rules on how to successfully merge oneself into a conversation.
It is my intention in this article to write down some of these unwritten rules. But first let me offer this disclaimer: I am, in no way, representing myself as an authority on conversational etiquette. I am merely a student, passing on what I have learned — or think I have learned.
A form of learning rules that I found most effective is the use of acronyms. For example, an acronym that many of us are familiar with is K.I.S.S., which stands for, “keep it simple, stupid.”
The following are what I have come up with to help remember simple guidelines for conversational merging. And I address these rules to the person that is trying to join the conversation already in progress because that is the larger challenge.
The first one I came up with was Listening, Understand, Respect and Kindness, or L. U. R. K. I think that’s pretty self-explanatory.
Next I came up with Input, New, Tactful, Respectful, Unobtrusive, Debate, Effectively or I. N. T. R. U. D. E. That to I think speaks for itself.
Then there was, “be understanding to the intuitive nuances” — or B. U. T. T. I. N.
Okay, so acronyms may not be the best route.
So enough of making light of a somewhat serious topic. Now let’s get down to the brass tacks. There are no all-inclusive rules because each situation is on a case-by-case basis. One must be mindful and attentive to the situation. There are countless types and styles of conversations which range from extremely personal, hot button topics, heated or playful debate to just casual.
A good thing to remember is that just because a conversation is being held in public does not mean it is an invitation for the public to join in. I wish I could just say use common sense with this, but too often I have noticed that common sense is anything but common. So consider carefully whether what you have to add is actually an addition to the conversation or a subtraction or distraction.
Sometimes it is obvious the conversation is being held between strangers looking for interaction. This is one of the easiest conversations to join. But, should still be handled with tact.
You may also overhear a conversation that is based on a topic that you strongly disagree with and feel the need to represent your point of view. Again, tact can be your best tool to successfully expressing your opinion. Opinions are often not well received when presented brashly, aggressively, caustically, harsh or abrasive. In other words, it might serve you to candy coat your poison.
Let me give you an example. Let’s say you overhear someone say something that you strongly disagree with. If you chime in with, “That’s just stupid,” or ” You’re an idiot,” you more than likely will rock that person back on their heels and put them on the defensive at which point the likely direction the conversation will take will be to turn into an argument which seldom and ends in mutual understanding. Maybe a more tactful way would be to say, “I understand what you’re saying, but, this is how I see it.” Present your opinion as an optional point of view.
I have a good friend on Home, and he and I love to debate. He and I may totally agree on a topic and yet one of us may take the opposing view just so that we can intellectually joust. Often people passing by could misinterpret our debate as an argument. It might be wise to not jump to any conclusions until you listen for a bit and let the context unfold.
It is also very important to know when you are not welcome, and respect that. Forcing yourself into a conversation never ends well. I say never, but there are exceptions. If you see someone being bullied, for example, then by all means, if you feel inclined to come to their aid by either defending or consoling them, that is up to you.
Not all conversations are serious, and not all conversations are just for fun. For me, joining the conversation reminds me of jumping rope as a kid. When people are spinning a conversational rope between each other it is important to you to observe the timing and make an informed decision on whether or not this is something you want, need or should jump in the middle of.
Be tactful. Be understanding. Be creative. Be random. Be respectful. But most of all have fun jumping rope.
April 25th, 2012 by Olivia_Allin | 4 comments
Olivia_Allin is a team writer, photographer, model, curator, graphic artist, researcher and comic relief for HomeStation Magazine; she lives in Texas with her boyfriend, and Home is more than just a game to her. Years ago she discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. On weekends, to let off steam, she participate in full-contact origami. She saw a Bigfoot once, made a sound you never want to hear twice, and was so proud of her Special Olympics gold medal that she had it bronzed. She is, in her own words, adorkable.
I love the acromyns. Good job, and good advice. I usually tend to allow open conversations to be open and the ones that are private in open spaces, I go to a private form of chat. I alwyas try to interject softly but find that even if I have an opinion, I hold back with strangers as I can never be sure what has been said or what the back ground of the discussion is. Plus I fall back on the old logic, “is this the hill I want to die on?” and I find that it ususally not with strangers. I leave them to their talkins’ and try to get my own going.Good write though, real insightful.
I usually don’t talk to people I don’t know in Home at this point in my times here. I will intercede sometimes if I think people are being harassed or something and try to mediate. But as a rule the only time I interject myself into conversations now is with people I know. I usually just walk up and stand there til someone says something to me so as not to interrupt the flow of the conversation. Nice article Olivia.
Absolutely correct. And you are right that common sense is anything but common, especially on Home. Actually, I think it is true everywhere really. As much as I enjoy our talks, and your articles I think the one thing about this one is that the audience for it is not right. What I mean to say is, while all your advice is helpful, the people likely to read this are more than likely the type not to fall into the category of the socially inept upon which it is based on. It would be like going into a law firm and giving legal advice.
If there was a way to post it so Home users could read it directly from Home, then possibly some of the patrons who might not necessarily know certain etiquettes of conversation may learn the odd thing or two. Hell, maybe they might even learn to be somewhat civilized in every aspect of their life.
But to be fair, that is not really an option so at best we as HSM readers can possibly direct them to the site should be see such behaviour taking place on Home. So lets all do our part to promote a friendlier and more civilized Home, and have some more users come to HSM at the same time. Wow, don’t I sound like a promoter?
What can I say, when friends of mine do things I like, I do what I can to support and promote them.
I just walk up and spam “Hello” until the air is blue and if I get ANY kind of response, I ask the first and closest female avatar where they’re from. Regardless of the answer (coz lets face it, I don’t care) I then ask their age. This is the hinge-point of the ‘conversation'; if they’re over 17 and under 30 then the next phase is to ask for cam chat (I know, I’m real smooth huh), failing that, any pictures will do. If I get THAT far then I know she’s a lady with true class, obviously meeting up is a given…
Seriously though this was a fun read. Good work on those acronyms!