HomeStation Presents: Caption This Picture #5
by Olivia_Allin, HSM photographer
You are walking through Home without a care
When the smell of bacon fills the air
No reason to worry. No reason to stress
No reason to run or soil your dress
Then a crack of thunder and a bright flash of light
And in poofs thirty aliens all dressed in white
In Echochrome suits that most of them wear
And shiny bald head, perfectly lacking of hair
You take a step back as they curtsy and bow
Though there are thirty of them, not a single eyebrow
Is this a fam or crew or clan, very selective?
No, you are encountering the Homeling Collective!
You see right away that they are kind to each other
Because just like you, they too have a “Mother”
They great you with kindness; you don’t feel any tension
Then they form a straight line and stand tall at attention.
Then a female in black comes into your sight
And inspects her troops walking from left to her right
You can see that she’s wise, armed with a wit like a knife
With respect they all address her as General SealWyf
This General spends her time by Newling molding
And when she is off Home she spends it protein folding
As a HomeStation staff writer her Echo Chronicles are slick
So with honor we roast her — so Caption This Pic!
So load both barrels of your shotgun of wit
(But the banhammer will crush you if try to start pooo.)
April 9th, 2012 by Olivia_Allin | 22 comments
Olivia_Allin is a team writer, photographer, model, curator, graphic artist, researcher and comic relief for HomeStation Magazine; she lives in Texas with her boyfriend, and Home is more than just a game to her. Years ago she discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. On weekends, to let off steam, she participate in full-contact origami. She saw a Bigfoot once, made a sound you never want to hear twice, and was so proud of her Special Olympics gold medal that she had it bronzed. She is, in her own words, adorkable.
“…only my hairdresser knows for sure…”
“Hey, that’s a nifty new microwave you got there, General.”
“Indeed. You need a Homeling-strength microwave to cook *this* much bacon.”
“Awww the warm glow of the mothership!”
“Wait isn’t uranium toxic”
“So that’s why my hair fell and my eyes are glowing!”
“They fall for the tanning booth line everytime.”
We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious. They stole it from us. Sneaky little hobbitses. Wicked, tricksy, false!
We ought to wring his filthy little neck. Kill him! Kill him! Kill them both! And then we take the precious… and we be the master!
And that’s how Homeling babies are made.
SINGING:
“…I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant
But nothing
I said nothing can take away these blues
`Cause nothing compares
Nothing compares to you”
OMG!!! ROFLMHO*!!!
*Rolling on the floor laughing my hair off
“Soon they will all be Homeling, it is inevitable, now get me bacon.”
Sealwyf, “Ah! I love the smell of bacon in the morning!”
“Yes, General Seal I will always wear my grease resistant eye protectors and have it ready for your consumption!”
hmmm, interesting. apparently assimilating this norse character into the hive was NOT a good idea!
do NOT tell anyone my butt cheeks glow in the dark!
be strong, my dear queen, this burns but a moment. (so dead meat with that one….)
may i remind you, the queen’s backside is NOT a replacement microwave!
“My General Seal what big eyes you have!”
“All the better to see you with my dear!”
“My General Seal what big teeth you have!”
“All the better to eat bacon with my dear!”
“I only use turtlewax on this head, nothing else will do!”
It’s a good thing he is wearing his eye protection.
“Well, THAT MotherShip will never fly again!”
Those cool and limpid green eyes!”
Bob Eberly & Helen O’Connell sing “Green Eyes”>
Screw Reese’s pieces I want them green M&M’s.
“General Seal, a pack of hooms approaches!”
“Stay behind me, Homeling, and ready my swab”
And another glorious Newling is born.