Discontinue Exclusives At Your Own Peril, Sony
by HAPPYkefka-47, HSM Overlord
I’ve been righteously appalled reading all the complaints on the official Home forums from poor people who whine, whine, whine about the things given to Mansion owners. First of all, poor people shouldn’t be using Home, owning PS3s or having the Internet. If you’re poor, you should go get a job so that you can be less poor. Then you can go buy things.
This class warfare against the most valuable users of Home is disturbing, and so is the way that Sony encourages it. Once and for all, we need someone in management to come down and tell the poor people to shut up and stop using Home if they’re just going to complain about people with money getting the good stuff. That’s how life works, but these virtual burglars seem to think that if they whine loud enough, the privilege that rightfully belongs to people with money will be taken away from us.
I don’t blame them at all for wanting what we have. The perks we receive for our Mansion ownership are well worth the investment. Our private area in the Theater provides the perfect place to watch social climbers meet the reality of the velvet rope and their own insignificant place in life. Those little extras are nice, too, like the extra room at the Gothic Manor, the koi at Plum Pavilion and having GlassWalls’ phone number so we can call him for tech support.
Aw, somebody's being repressed. lol n00b
These are things that the wealthy users of Home rightfully deserve, because we pay the bills. Without us, there’s no income to pay Jack Buser or fuel the private jet he uses to take us out to the annual preferred-customer weekend at Sony’s headquarters.
Poor people don’t know about these things because they haven’t spent enough to get access to the real forums, where we laugh at people for their petty complaints about high prices and contrive more gold-plated items to make them jealous.
These are things that only people with means can rightfully appreciate. The problem with poor people isn’t that they don’t have any money. They can’t help that. The problem is they have to be where the rich people are, yet when they get there they expect to keep acting like the poor people they are.
We have a saying about that at the country club: Give a poor person some Dom, and he’ll never want Budweiser again, but he’ll still throw up on his own shirt. I think that’s based on a true story from the open-bar Christmas party they had back in 1978. They learned never to do that again.
As I’d mentioned before that humorous aside, there is justifiably concern among Home’s most valuable users that the predictable din of the plebes has reached the ear of management and not received the swift rebuke it deserves. Since the arrival of The Hub, a dismal place crawling with the most wretched among the masses, Home seems to be on some misguided path toward satisfying people who have no means of repaying that investment.
Why, just the other day I was put on hold by Locust_Star for seven minutes and 21 seconds when I called to enquire about the status of my monthly delivery of free personal spaces. I reminded him of who really pays the bills and demanded to know what was going on. His response was a deeply disturbing, “We cannot talk about that at this time,” which suggests to me that Sony is preparing to turn its back on the very people who kept Home afloat through its dismal early days of free bowling and Shakira videos in the Theater.
It's not that your opinion doesn't matter. It's just that it doesn't matter.
I explained to Mr. Star that I was rightfully displeased with his attitude and that I would be bringing up his insolence during my next trip on Mr. Buser’s yacht. I also reminded him that it was the wealthy patrons of Home who convinced them to get rid of free games like EA Poker and start charging for everything, which has been no small favor to Home’s balance sheet, or his annual bonus.
At that point, Mr. Star said he had to go because he and Magnus Keynes had a caviar sampling to attend. He then proceeded to hang up the phone. How dare he.
All hope is not lost. As Home’s most valuable users, we still enjoy immunity from bans and that lovely server-freezing kit that gets the poor out of our public spaces, not to mention the annual Oscars backstage party hosted by GlassWalls, but there is a gradual chipping away at the privilege we have purchased, and it has not gone unnoticed.
Trying to make things fair for all only succeeds in making everyone unhappy. The poor see things that they cannot possibly hope to own, and the wealthy have to listen to them whine about it. I should remind Sony that you know who really pays the bills, and that it isn’t the forum troll who threatens to take his $20 annual PSN card budget elsewhere. It is those of us who have spent thousands on this nascent service in the hope that we might see it grow into the sort of place that we would want to frequent, free from the chirping of the common man.
To that end, the following changes must be instituted immediately:
- Restoration of the feature that allows us to tell who’s really a male using a female avatar. This was lost in the 1.35 Core Update, and as you know from the Private Forums, it has led to some very embarrassing situations for a few of our members.
- First-run movies on our E.O.D.s. The policy of having to wait a week after they’ve opened in movie theaters is unacceptable. Someone spoiled the ending of Hunger Games before we got to see it. If the movie opens at 3AM on a Friday morning, it had better be on our screens.
- A return to T-shirts as the dominant free reward. As we would never wear promotional T-shirts in real life, we find them quite droll, and they’re always a topic of conversation at our “dress like the poor” theme parties.
- Refinement of the custom soundtrack feature. Following a recent update, several of Home’s most valuable users reported that they could hear the regular music that’s played in Home, instead of the music on their hard drives. They were not amused.
- Timely delivery of our free content on Tuesdays, when we expect it.
- Prompt and courteous answers to our phone calls.
- More and larger shrimp at the Customer Appreciation weekend. Those who even got shrimp last year felt they were small, and that part of the whole experience just felt cheap.
I should not need to inform you of the consequences if these demands are not met. We have had a successful partnership in shaping Home to this point, but that partnership is framed in the concept that our contributions will be acknowledged. Should this trend of catering to freeloaders continue, it will spell the end of my involvement, and you’ll need to triple the number of new underpaying users to make that up to your shareholders.
April 1st, 2012 by HAPPYKefka-47 | 3 comments
lulz
Wow! The elite have spoken and we need to hear their cry! Great read even if it is all in fun.
The few. The proud. The Elite!
that’s a very aggressive one sided view i have personally invested $320 in home but i do not nor ever will i think of myself as higher then the sky blue gamer tag home shirt wearing person that just spawned at the hub… i have said this time and time again but it appears i must again repeat myself.. in a social gaming network where every single user is equal there is no high class there is no low class there are users.. plain and simple because if someone asked me what people where like in home as the writer of this article describes i would instruct them to turn on there tv turn to mtv and watch five minutes of jersey shore because all the self professed elite of home.. are no more then people who need to get there ego in check…