Adventure District Finally Opens
by ted2112, HSM team writer
After a seemingly endless wait of technical glitches, infighting amongst testers, and litigation, Sony is finally moving forward with opening the much-delayed Adventure District. The closed Beta fiasco of the district resulted in numerous injuries of avatars and what one anonymous insider called a “complete and total lack of regard for personal safety.” The source went on to say that “the district was supposed to be a fun adventure, not an unholy deathtrap.”
Home spokesperson, Invisible Walls called the closed Beta, “a learning experience,” and assured the Home community that the problems have been fixed. Also, all Beta participants will be given a welcome back to good health package of the Dragons Den personal space, 100 Casino tokens and a trophy room for their valuable input, and loyalty in the harrowing experience.
In related news, Sony has severed ties with RockWood Publishing the designers of the alpine racing game Cold Day in Hell that was meant to be the centerpiece of the new Adventure District and seemingly one of the causes of the delay and injuries. Sony also cancelled the contract with Heck-Fire Games for the in games Avatar Incineration and the PS3 Brick Experience. Company spokesperson LuvHorsesGirl73 was quoted as saying, “The Trolling for Trolls mini-game might have not been a good idea in hindsight, and that the company was committed to gaming excellence and was looking forward to moving forward-producing games that didn’t hurt people.”
Real-world modelling of new avatar outfit, to be worn in revised, more safety-conscious Adventure District
The new Adventure District will open with some safeguards built in on a temporary trial-run that will prevent avatars from running and using the cheer emote in the district until public safety can be assured. The Adventure District replacement pirate-based centerpiece game, Cutthroats: Battle For Black Powder Cove ships will only fire styrofoam cannon balls and the pirate crews will be issued rubber swords until further notice. Also, the planned fantasy based game Mercia will not use a hit points damage system, but rather “ouchy points” that are cured by hugs from other players. Home Community Volunteer ratio in the new district will be at a 1:1 basis the first week after open, and also have staffers in Urban Camouflage throughout the district, ready to spring into action if an emergency situation arises.
HSM’s intrepid investigative reporters have also uncovered a mini-game rush job from Analog Leisure called Adventure District Rescue that will be added to the district next week. The game details leaked from a misplaced PDA left at the Scorpio’s Bar space called it, “not so much a game, but a large scale-relocation procedure in the case of a district-wide disaster.” Analog Leisure hasn’t returned any of our repeated phone calls at the time of publishing. HSM has also tried to talk with Sony, but have been told they were all busy with the PS4 project and to mind our own business.
HomeStation Magazine is Sony-positive publication and as we and our readers are all known Sony shills and sycophants, we believe that SCEA must know what they are doing because we keep buying their stuff. This reporter agrees and feels that the line between virtual gaming and reality can be blurred sometimes in a terrifying way.
The revised, kinder, gentler Adventure District will be open after users download the new 1.7 update and the brand new user agreement is notarized and installed.
April 1st, 2012 by ted2112 | 4 comments
ted2112 is a writer and a Bass player that has been both inspired and takes to heart Kurt Vonnegut words...."we are here on planet Earth to fart around, and don't let anyone tell you different."
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Very fun read Ted as always! April Fools!
“After a seemingly endless wait of technical glitches, infighting amongst testers, and litigation,…” Hey, that is my life you are talking about buddy. I am thinking maybe I should join the circus.
BTW, the cannonballs are styrofoam. It was the only way we could get them through Legal. But the explosions are real. Go figure.
How soon before we can buy the bubble wrap outfit?? LOL
Love this article. Made me laugh. I love the name “Invisible Walls. That’s just very funny. The whole article is very creative and fun! Great read!! Happy April Fool’s Day!