Online Awakening
by Phoenix, HSM guest contributor
This article is the story of my year on Home. My anniversary is coming up and I intend to celebrate. Of course, I couldn’t recall those memories without remembering the other anniversary that same month: April 21, 2011 — the day Home went offline. I wrote parts of this last year after Home came back online.
If you had asked me, just under two years ago, if I would ever be playing online, I would have said emphatically stated no. I was of a mind that online social games were for people trying to hook up for an online relationship. I thought you had to be desperate or lonely or both to be online everyday. After all, I had friends and real relationships; online stuff was beneath me. At least, that’s how I saw it.
Oh, I played video games — but not online. I thought them separate things. I played RPGs, though at the time I didn’t know they had a name or genre. I owned a PS2 at that time; my son had a 360. Then one day I saw a advertisement for a PS3 game: White Knight Chronicles.
That changed everything for me! The game had yet to be released and I found myself searching for more information about it. I read everything I found and was hooked. I was on Youtube and saw a video of “WKC”. I had to have it. Long story short, I got it by the fall of 2010. I quickly became immersed in the game play. By Christmas I had beaten the game, and had taken my first foray into online gameplay. I quickly met people that were as excited as I was to be talking with and playing with someone around the world. It was a wondrous thing.
Before I knew it, I was an online gamer. I quested every day; some days six, seven hours. I was told by my son I was now a real gamer. Ha.
Oh, I had once before played for seven hours straight, but only once. This time, it was Christmas break and I was on a roll. WKC became part of my daily routine. We celebrated the holidays together, hanging out online with our circle of friends. We banded and bonded together to play this game.
In the midst of all this playing and interacting, I realized I was living a life online.
I had my friends and knew bits and pieces of their lives just as they did mine. Some were Americans, like me. Some not. It was fantastic to play with people all over the world. I looked for these people as they looked for me. When someone hadn’t been on in a while, one of us would ask after that person. We missed each other. An “online relationship” indeed, albeit not in a romantic sense.
From there I ended up in Home. If you could have seen me during those first days in Home, I was probably walking around with my head in the clouds. I felt like the country mouse in the big city. Home released something in me. Without knowing it I had locked me away. I had lost my childhood innocence to the real world’s trials. I won’t go into that here, but I’m sure I’m not the only one.
On Home I saw the world again as place to have fun. That’s right: fun. I can release the dreamer inside and dream again.
When the network went offline, I had been in Home for two weeks. Imagine that sense of loss.
I read post after post by many PlayStation gamers. Most said the same things. They wanted to hear from friends. We wanted to hear from friends. We wanted to know what was going on with them. Some still do, a year later, for not everyone came back. Yes, we all wanted to play again, but we could already play. The PS3 hadn’t lost it playability; it had lost its “reach out and touch” ability. There was no online for us.
I finally got it.
Home has come to mean a lot to me. It has given me more opportunities than I ever saw coming, and opened me up to all kinds of possibilities. I am a very positive person, and being on Home has allowed me to meet more positive people. I found out just how easy it is to make new friends and form lasting friendships.
I can count the times I’ve had a negative experience in Home, and have fingers left over. I guess I’ve been lucky. Yes, I’ve had to report someone once, but that pales in comparison to the fun I’ve had. I’ve met some truly good people.
I’ve been told I’m addicted to Home. Okay, maybe so; but it’s a harmless addiction. I still function every day in the real world. I just don’t have some of the same things in the real world as in Home. Home has enriched my life. I don’t have my phoenix companion, or my unicorn companion. I can’t walk underwater and discover rewards. I can’t speak to my friends in Japan or England, face to face, in seconds. I can do all this and more on Home. For some of us that’s what it comes down to: experiences we can’t get anywhere else. For others, it’s friends and friendships.
When we’re born, we are hardwired to want and need to bond with someone. We as humans have to find that way to fill that space. We have to connect with someone. It doesn’t matter that they may be on the other side of the world or down the street. We may never see them or even hear their voice, but we need to connect. Sometimes it easier to do that without seeing someone, for then there are no expectations. Its just gaming. That’s what you have with online communication. You don’t have to be a beauty queen or king to game. You just have to be on your game.
Yes, some are (though they will likely never admit it) in Home to find more then friendship and gaming. To them, I say good luck with that. It may happen. I can’t scoff any more. I found great friends online without even looking.
Do you have to be desperate and lonely to go online? Some might be, but I don’t think so any more.
Are you looking for something online? Yes. We are always looking for something online or off. It’s that social thing like pool, darts and bowling, or sharing a meal. We need it. There is a whole world online.
One of my online friends from WKC passed away last year. Though I was not able to say goodbye to him in the real world (as he lived in another country), through the virtual world we, his friends, held several memorials for him in his space on WKC. Philly, was one of the first people I met online. He is missed. And that connection and friendship was as genuine as anything you’d experience in real life.
Thank you, Sony. For Home.
March 31st, 2012 by Phoenix | 4 comments
Phoenix writes poetry and is a photography enthusiast, along with writing for HomeStation Magazine. She is currently studying for a BFA in Creative Writing and BA with concentration in Photography. psn ID phoenixstorm21
youtube.com/user/phoenixstorm21
Thank you dragonGscales.
Loved this piece Phoenix! What you said is so true and heartfelt. Everyone in Home is here for something, be it friendship or love, camaraderie or a gaming partner. Some use this as their only social life, others have outside lives like you and me, but still find a great deal of fulfillment here. Home can be a good thing for people on many levels.
Thank You Burbie,
I have met so many people that have found their voice in Home. I know people that have regained their smile because of Home. It is a good thing for so many.