Life on the Web
by Susan, HSM team writer and videography
“There is nothing more inspiring than seeing a spider working her web, her craft, many times a day, with such perfection and careful patience.”- Sunil Khemaney
Salutations. Just recently I was digitized by The Sony Corporation (Sidekicks) to be a companion for some lucky avatar on PlaystationHome®. They awarded me the name of Keeley and I don’t know why. My owner should be the one to designate my name, not some poor soul sitting behind a keyboard. I am sure the developers of my design hem-hawed around a lot debating even whether or not I was a marketable commodity. I am not as adorable as a Pegasus or Unicorn pony or, as someone recently labeled them, “Demon War Horses.” Who wants to pet a Black Widow spider? I eat my young when hungry and will devour my mate if he displeases me.
My first day on home was spent on the Lockwood Dream Yacht. As soon as my new owner spawned me from her PDA, I started to scout out a location to build my web. Everything on this boat is well lit and out in the open. Eventually I discovered a submersible type vehicle on the aft deck of this massive ship. It is not like I am some little itsy bitsy spider created to hide in a tiny dresser drawer. It seems the designers of my virtual existence decided I needed to be in close scale proximity to one of those Stichkins companions. To capture one of those tasty treats, I would have to make a web the size of one of those Sodium teleport devices I saw while in the PDA “matrix.”
Sitting in this underwater craft is boring, so I was glad my new owner decided to go to one of her weekly meetings. Maybe I would be fortunate enough to find a possible mate there. A public space would have many avatars and many avatars means many companions. However, I am a little worried that one of those huge Chinese Dragon companions might rear its fat ugly head. While in the design matrix, it was a dragon that kept eyeballing me and licking its chops. So I cross four of my legs and hope that I would be lucky enough to see someone with a pig companion.
While we are downloading one of Home’s many spaces, let me take the liberty to share a little bit of history about me. I mean, you are already here.
My hunting technique symbolizes patience and our venom is often represented as a curse. Did you know that in Greek mythology, the Goddess Athena and Princess Arachne used to have weaving competitions? After Athena destroyed a tapestry woven by the princess, Arachne hung herself in sadness. In a moment of pity for Arachne, Athena bought her back to life as a spider and retained her ability to weave.
There is an Islamic tradition that during Hijra, the prophet Muhammad and his companion took refuge in a cave after being pursued by the Quraysh. As the fable goes, one of my relatives on my fathers side was commanded by a higher power to weave a web across the opening of the cave as a deterrent. Since then, several Muslims traditions have considered us, if not holy, then to be a least respected.
One thing that really bugs me is being called a bug. The movie Starship Troopers has bugs. I am no bug. Jack Hanna on the subject is quoted as saying that spiders are not insects, but in a war they would side with them. We are not primitive insects. We are one of the very few non-human sentient life forms. We are in a group that includes some dolphins, penguins and a few varieties of octupus. We also have our own culture and sub cultures which vary in complexity.
Itsy Bitsy spider...
If a human is at work, there will be a spider. If a human is asleep, there will be a spider. If a human is at a Spider-man convention, there will be a spider. And if a human female is in the shower, there will be at least one brave spider crawling around and providing commentary to the rest of spider nation. Until our day of victory is here, humans will wake up screaming night after night after having nightmares of spiders of enormous size and power—in this way we shall render nocturnal justice upon the puny primates.
It has been said that we spiders are an important part of the Earth’s ecosystem. Let me share with you an inside secret. It is an elaborate hoax propagated by our well funded pro-spider lobby. When we eat you, we eat your entire existence. You are gone from history.
Our population is such that there are probably fifteen of us in your room right now. Understand that if we want to get you, we will get you. There is no way around that. When coming face to non face with one of my relatives in the wild, it is best if you die suddenly for this would rob us of our terrible pleasures. If this is not a possible course of action, try soiling yourself as thoroughly and disgustingly as possible. This of course would render you very unappetizing to us. It wont save you but it would make for a very gross last meal.
We did not end up at the clubhouse but instead she hauled to me some space called Midnight Glade. No Chinese dragons here to hide from and that’s a good thing as I have see limited refuge. Maybe I could scale up that big tree and take up a defensive posture. My owner has some tee-pees here and those are always a good place to make a web. The tall grass on the other side of the fence looks very inviting as place to go scouring for some tasty Scooby snacks.
Speaking of food, I must go and find some. I guess the developers did not create any food for me like they did for the dolphies, so I must bid you adieu and fend for myself. In closing I would like to say that through osmosis, I know what my owner knows. That being said, we hear that many of you are having problems with families or fams. Learn from us spiders – if you are having fam problems eat them like we do!
February 19th, 2012 by Susan | 9 comments
Susan is a team writer for HomeStation Magazine, co-founder of the award winning media group-AvatardProductions, a PlayStation MVP and a Home Guide. PSNID SCEA/xx96791DEATHxx-SCEE/oXx_EnIgMa_xXo. An avid PlayStation Home user, she is most often found setting land speed records at the Sodium 2 velocity racetracks, sitting at the Pier Park or playing with the R/C vehicles at Acorn Meadows Park.
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This was very cleverly done Sue, I loved it! I was wondering how this subject could be tackled and you did a great job of it. Very funny yet informative too.
Thanks Burbie, the spider had a lot of thoughts and she kept me laughing
Well done sue! This was a very cute article. Good job! I wish we had a spider baby companion, talk about horrifying!
Thank you Gideon, because of you I was able to write this in one day
As I always knew Sue, your writing has taken legs ;). What an enchanting read. I had a lot of fun and learned so much while doing so. Witty, charming, smart, entertaining and lovely… but enough about me… the same can be said for this article! Love it and love you!
who are you again??
Very entertaining read. Loved it.
Thank you Orion> It was a challenge keeping that spider in one place long enough for her to share her thoughts..
Give me a Giant MecH Spider!!!!!!