Being True To My Real and Virtual Selves
by tbaby, HSM guest contributor
There are many reasons why people use PlayStation Home, which has a different appeal to a wide range of individuals.
Some use Home as a way to meet other gamers to play with online — i.e., for game launches. Others are more interested in the social networking of Home, and see it as a virtual world in which they can interact with others and make new friends. Some take the social aspects of home to different degrees than others in terms of the seriousness of the relationships they form, whether they are platonic or romantic in nature. There are those who are looking for a virtual escape from problems of the real world.
Then there are people who treat Home as more of a fantasy world where they can reinvent themselves, and be someone who they might not necessarily be able to be in real life. This can be harmless, but when these people misrepresent themselves to the point that they deceive others who are being true to themselves, conflicts may arise that may result in people getting hurt.
For example, people that have been a part of the Home Community for a long time are most likely aware of the “trannies” – men portraying themselves as women in order to more easily be accepted by others without being thought of as a pervert, or even as a way to become romantically involved with others.
Personally, I look to Home as a sort of extension of my real life and also as a convenient way of meeting new people and making new friends. Ever since my daughter was born over three years ago, my social life had toned down considerably. As a single mother, I am often home – unless I’m at school or working – and Home provides a way for me to be socially active without leaving my house. I’ve made many great friends on Home and enjoy all it has to offer with its mini-games, clubs, events, and so forth. There is always plenty to do in this virtual community.
I’ve been a promotional model in Dallas for over seven years, and one of the things that I find funny to this day are the assumptions that many people make when I run into them while I am working. They see me and comment on my looks.
But then I hear all the snide remarks – many of them sexist – implying that I probably don’t have much of a head on my shoulders. I just love it when I hear this and see it as an opportunity to put these people in their place. So after eavesdropping on their conversations, I politely interrupt and make some intellectual remark that leaves them both surprised and somewhat embarrassed. Then I quietly walk away with my head held up high, secretly laughing on the inside.
Thinking about that, perhaps I should have been a teacher – Trisha the teacher, ha!
Also, just because I am a girl, it doesn’t mean that I don’t know anything about sports. Anyone that knows me is aware I am a die-hard basketball fan, specifically of the Dallas Mavericks. In fact, I have surprised many guys by my knowledge of the subject. That is always fun too.
Such stereotyping is no different on Home than it is in real life. Many think that because I am a girl on Home, I can’t possibly be fit or attractive, because why else would I be spending time in a virtual world like this? They may also make assumptions that I have no life if I spend a lot of time on Home. Furthermore, when they find out what I do for a living, they have a hard time believing it because they think if that was the case, I should be out partying all the time.
Well, obviously, people that make these assumptions are very narrow-minded in their thinking and don’t fully comprehend the circumstances or choices people like me make. I am sure that I am not the only one who has been victim to such stereotyping. I hope I can help put many of these assumptions to rest.
As I alluded to earlier, I find that a virtual world like Home conveniently provides a socially interactive environment which I can immerse myself in from the comfort of my home. As a single mother who is also a full-time MBA student and a part-time promotional model, I can truly appreciate the social convenience that Home provides in the midst of my busy life. I don’t have to worry about getting a babysitter and can have my daughter right next to me while I chat online with people from all over the world. It still amazes me that I can be in a virtual space along-side of people from other states – and even other countries across the world!
I see my avatar being a virtual extension of my physical self and tried to make her look as much like me as possible. But no matter what I do on Home, I always remain true to myself and interact with people much in the same way I do in real life.
Of course, I am fully aware that not everyone on Home is like this, and for one reason or another, may be falsely representing themselves. Operating online behind an avatar provides users certain levels of anonymity that are not necessarily available in real life, which can obviously be abused. Long time users of Home have more than likely witnessed countless occasions in which certain users hide behind their avatars while publicly harassing other members of the community, typically female users. These “trolls”- as they have become known – are able to misbehave in manners which they would otherwise not be able to in real life.
However, this very same vehicle that empowers these users to harass others, also greatly benefits other individuals who might otherwise be considered more socially inept or unacceptable.
For example, perhaps there are people who are typically more introverted, but being behind an avatar helps break down certain social barriers of the real world, allowing them to communicate and interact with others in ways they would not have in real life. As can be attested by both my friends in real life and on Home, I am a very outgoing person and am very open and willing to share much about myself.
Fortunately for me, because I am the way that I am, there is no need for me to hide anything and am free to be myself, with or without my avatar. The manner in which I interact with others online is no different than the way I do in real life, minus the obvious tangible differences.
There are many parallels between the social dynamics of my real life and my virtual life on Home, which may be subtle and not intuitively obvious.
Doing a recent photo shoot for HSM
One such example involves how I must carry myself while I am out working versus when I am not. While working at some promotion, if I am ever harassed by people, especially if they are associated with the client – who of course is always right – I always have to keep my composure and a smile on my face. Some may not know this aspect of my job, and may think that all I have to do is stand around and look good, which hopefully I am able to do. But because my reputation and that of any agency for which I am working is always at stake, I must always resist any impulse to retaliate in any way. Much of my work is gained through referrals and consequently, I depend heavily on the feedback of clients. Thus, keeping my cool at all times while on the job is paramount.
However, when I am not working, I can honestly say that I will typically speak my mind and never back down when confronted with someone who is harassing me or my friends. In a sense, “the gloves are off.” I definitely speak more freely when I am not working.
The same situations occur on Home. Many of us may represent or even be on staff with certain organizations on Home, such as members of the HSM team. As a member of multiple clubs on Home, while I am out and about in public spaces, I sometimes find myself in a situation where I or friends that I am with are being heckled by some random strangers. My immediate response may be to react negatively (albeit with more wit than the opposition). However, because I do represent certain groups of the community, I find myself surrendering the desire to fight back to avoid tainting the names of the groups I represent.
I’ll admit that sometimes this is very difficult, just like when I encounter similar situations while working promotions in real life, but for the most part I think I am able to stay poised. There are of course those moments when I have slipped up and made remarks that I regret, but no one is perfect, whether in real life or a virtual one.
All in all, I know that there are many presumptions made of people in real life, based on how they look or their career, and the same goes for users within the Home community. I live a very busy life, both offline and online. I am constantly juggling multiple responsibilities between both worlds; yet another reason why I view my virtual existence on Home as an integral extension of my real life.
Whether I am balancing my work and school with raising my daughter and supporting my family, or balancing my participation and promoting of Home events while staying active on forum websites with socializing or gaming online, the challenges are the same. It is these challenges that make life interesting, both real and virtual. There are truly a plethora of reasons why people – all with a vast range of personalities – use Home, creating a dynamic that keeps it as interesting as our lives in the real world. The commonality for me across both worlds is that I will always remain true to myself.
August 29th, 2011 by tbaby | 66 comments
Congrats! Good job. Well written.
TY Olivia
That means a lot coming from such a great writer as yourself too. Thanks again
Hi Trisha! Oh wowowowow! Love it!
TY Jo!
*blushes*
So cute when she blushes, nice article tbaby.
Nice job tbaby! Welcome to HSM, I am glad you have joined this motley crew of people who love Home and its many aspects and intricacies. I agree that being who you really are no matter the situation you find yourself in is important both in Home and in real life. I have never told my friends or anyone else that I am anything other than who I am. Though I may not reveal every single aspect of my real life to everyone, I believe I am honest in the way I represent myself to others, even those I don’t know well enough to tell these things to. Thanks for reminding us all that there are real people behind these avatars, I think that is something that can’t be stressed enough in a virtual world. Congratulations on a good first article!
Ty Burbie!
TY for ur comments. It is truly an honor to have something I wrote posted here. Sounds like you get what I am saying too. Thank you for your very kind words. Coming from a great writer such as you, means a lot to me. I was kinda scared and it took me a while to write this, but I really appreciate the encouragement I have received from people.
Read it, Loved it.
Not surprised at all. I have known tbaby awhile now and she hit it right on the mark. Be true to yourself.
TY Jers! U’ve always been a sweetie and someone who shares the same view on this too.
Thanks to the editor, Terra, for mentoring me and helping me with my 1st article. I now feel inspired to write more.
Terra is an angel, one of many here at HSM. Yes, I share the sentiment of the article. In fact, If people would take the time to actually get to know others they just might see past the pixels and find a diamond of a person. Being true to myself and honest has only helped me gain good friends everywhere.
Yes Terra certainly is an angel! And you are so right about seeing past the pixels too! So many great people out there whether in a virtual world or real life. Great to be friends with people like yourself who are true to themselves.
I lose power for two days, and you guys go all touchy-feely “Kumbaya-ish” on me? Sheesh.
In all seriousness though, it was a pleasure to work with Trisha and helping her find the self-confidence (which was probably already there to begin with) to believe in her idea and and to follow through with it.
WOW u lost power for 2 days? No wonder it was so quiet LOL
And what’s wrong with a little touchie-feely hunh? You know u love it
Thank you again Terra for all your help! You and others have been very encouraging and it was rewarding to finally all my ideas out on paper
Hi tbaby, welcome to HSM, and thank you for your article. The thing I appreciate the most, although I found myself nodding agreement with many points you made, was the statement that your Home life is an integral part of your real life. This is a point that I’ve tried to make myself, though not very effectively I think.
There are many, perhaps the majority, who view the use of Home as some type of aberration. That viewpoint was in fact communicated to me not more than a few hours ago. I didn’t make a response at the time, because I was trying to be conciliatory, but in my way of thinking, Home now is much in the same situation as desktops were a few decades ago. When Apple and IBM first started producing computers, I don’t think the average person had any inkling that today they would be absolutely indispensable to our economy and way of life.
It will be the same with virtual life. iPads and tablets and smartphones are changing our society even now, and paving the way to 24 hour access to virtual worlds from anywhere at anytime. If you attend one of our HSM meetings, you’ll see that we bridge continents and time zones during our production discussions. Virtual worlds are the future. They will soon become an inescapable and essential feature of modern life, and all of us will have to come to grasp with the fact that our virtual lives won’t be something apart from “real life” but instead will become an extension and enhancement of it.
There are no rules to guide us. And so all of us are helping to create this brave new world which we are about to enter. End of rant.
Love it when he rants!
Yeah me too Jersquall, LOL And I agree with your statements Aeternitas, Home has already become an integral part of my life in many ways, from the friends I have made to the writing that keeps my brain going and my juices flowing. It has enhanced and made my real life richer and continues to do so.
Ty Aeternitas. Yes, just as my online existence is an extension of my real life one, I agree that virtual communities will become more prevalent in people’s everyday lives, espeically as technology continues to move forward. I didn’t see that as a rant at all, as it all made total sense to me
TY again.
I take people at face value, what they show me is what I see them as. For me, Home is what you make of it. I spend alot of thyme on Home and am thankful for the people that choose to be along side me as my avatar explores all the possibilities offered here.Well written article Tricksta
TY Shotgun Sue
NP… I always give praise when it is warranted..
I find it odd that in an article where you basically ask ppl not to jump to conclusive stereotypes you make 1 yourself.Saying that most trolls wouldn’t act the way they do irl as they do on home is something that is itself a stereotype.Having not met them irl I would hesitate to speculate about how they conduct themselves irl.I’m also not too sure that the majority of “trolling” targets are females,from what I’ve seen the classic “noobie” looking male is the most targeted.There are many reasons for that but that’s what I’ve seen,of course we could both be wrong and a 3rd group could actually be the most “trolled”.I understand what you mean about representing a group and it preventing you from speaking your mind,that’s the main reason I don’t belong to any group,except my own and 1 of the ruling principles of that group is that you can say wth ever you wish but you had better be able to back it up with facts or logic rather than rely on your fellow members to “bail you out”,which is how most groups on Home operate.Overall I agree with you,I act on Home the same way I would irl which can lead to some situations being created that can get problematic but it allows me to sleep at night with a clear conscience.
Awesome read tbaby!!!
Great article Trisha!
Tbaby I really liked the article, and infact I left a response to one of Olivia’s articles earlier, which pretty much covers issues brought up in your article. While I am sure many of us can relate to having to curb your behaviour when at work, I will say that I found it ironic that you would join a group on home(or any other virtual/social site). Becuase being part of a group, or representing a group causes you to fall into the same restrictions as your job.
To me, I generally try to be a nice guy, in real life or on home. However I try not to miss an opportunity to be a smartass, or joke with a friend. I have found that the things you can get away with from a friend is quite a bit if you make it evident you are kidding or deliberately trying to provoke a reaction.
One of the biggest farces on home has to be the families. I mean there is absolutely nothing gained from being in one, at least there are no concrete benefits. You have leaders that demand you convert to a specific colour scheme, attend meetings and pretty much all they do is trash talk other families. But nothing ever happens other than words being exchanged. And like a family, rather than being able to choose your friends(as anyone should be able to), you are forced to add a bunch of people you may have never met before, or very little.
My question is why would anyone voluntarily enter into this? Even in the virtual world, we have sheppards and we have sheep.
Oh and one other thing I had to ask about, only because I know Olivia quite well. Are all the female writers on HSM models with IQ’s of like 140 or more? I just found it an amusing co-incidence that another model, from Texas no less, is writing for the same digital magazine. And if this is coming across as kinda weird or creeper, I am sorry. The question was meant for amusement.
Another stereotype here,I realize many families are set-up as you describe but not all are.Some are nothing more than a group of friends that get together to play games and hang-out.If you consider your friends as not being a concrete benefit then consider that some of these families made up of friends often help each other out with finding items on Home,help each other obtain higher levels or scores on games than they’d be able to get on their own,offer PSN cards for different things,and generally lend an ear whenever 1 is needed.Generally the 1’s that try to recruit ppl the hardest and are most visible are the least user friendly,those that only accept friends of members and don’t actively recruit daily are the most user friendly.Of course there are exceptions to that but it’s a good general guideline.Don’t judge every family by what you see at Seaside of Memories,Godfather 2,or Central Plaza because you won’t be finding the better families at those locations very often.There are some similarities between groups like UMTO or MK/MQ and groups like the Homelings or my own but there are many differences as well and to lump them all together and describe them as you do is a stereotype.
I have become increasingly interested in this whole “fam” business. There is SUCH a stigma against families yet they all seem to be based on assumptions and stereotyping. This interest was piqued when I considered joining a group that seemed to be focused on one of the many things I take interest in. What I found was ranks, requirements and a sense of ‘friendship’ that is based on membership not mutually earned trust and respect. This club seemed to have all the staples of a “fam” but claimed to not be one.
This club/fam/whatever distinction, as I said before, is becoming increasingly interesting to me.
Well Gideon I guess different ppl use different criteria when judging whether or not a group is a “fam” or just a gaming club.I tend to view most groups as “fams” unless all they do is meet up on games.Some ppl only consider mafia style groups “fams” but from what I’ve seen those groups function just like most other groups so therefore I see little distinction between them.The name “fam” is derived from the fact that most of these groups clam to be as close to 1 another as a real life family.However there are huge differences in how a group is run as far as rules and leadership.As is true in real life there are big differences from how 1 family is run from another family only on Home you actually get to choose your “fam” and can leave any time you no longer feel a part of it.
*claim
That’s one of the parts I find interesting. I just don’t see how one can achieve that sort of devotion by joining. To me that sort of closeness is something that is earned and developed, not something you get because of membership.
I was persued by a group when Home was still young that claimed this very thing. They told me if I joined I would find a group devoted to one another in Home, and IRL. That I would be expected to assist in any situation if ever I were called upon to do so in Home… and IRL.
Well I can’t speak for any group other than my own but in my group ppl that join are usually known to other members or myself way before they actually join.They may or may not be well known to an already existing member but they are at least somewhat known to them.Once they join we try to hang-out or play games together often in order to establish closer ties.Not everyone fits in and thats to be expected with any group but those that do end up being pretty good friends.The best advice I could give someone about whether or not to join a “fam” is to either ask a trusted friend who is already in 1 if possible or try joining 1 that you might be interested in on a trial basis and remember that you can leave a “fam” whenever you wish,although that action will sometimes alienate you from that group depending on the “fam” in question.In my group no 1 is told what they must do IRL,although we do ask each other for advice about real life topics,and seldom do I tell anyone what they must do in Home.Only when it comes to relations with other “fams” do I ask members to do things and they can always decline if they feel strongly about it.
Wow all this discussion from my little post. It seems my comment about families has caused a bit of a stir. Ok I will concede to the notion that all families are not the same, and my personal experiences with families are not a reflection of all of them, I have seen several instances of families treating members like they were of different rank, and trying to force obedience, devotion and compliance with their rules.
And while I don’t see all the friends on my list every day, there are a select few whom most often while I am signed in are on already or come on. I have helped several friends with as much advice as I can when they want it, and have recieved some as well. I also help with things on home or vise versa if possible, and have exchanged codes for free stuff too. I don’t think that making an official(although technically it’s unofficial from a Sony standpoint) group would change any of that. And moreover I think that a family increases the chance of a conflict of personality as you as an individual choose everyone on your friends list, but even in the closest family some people may not get along with everyone.
And one last question for everyone to ponder. Many families change colours to match, or have some identifying mark to indicate being part of a group. Is the need to feel part of a group so strong, even in the virtual world that we must show off our allegiance? All the people on your friends list on Home show up with a mark beside their name to indicate they are your friends, but that is visible for you alone. The whole room need not see who you have as a friend do they? And finally with any group, there must be a leader. And for it to be a group, this leader must have followers.So if you are in a family, which one are you?
Well I can’t speak on the identifying marker thing as my group doesn’t have any but as for leaders and followers I’ll say this.I don’t make anyone do anything they don’t feel comfy doing so if anyone in my group wishes to not participate in any function they are not compelled to.Everyone is a part of my group because of a genuine wish to be there,as soon as they no longer wish to be a part of it they are free to go.It sounds as if your trying to make it sound like being a follower is a bad thing but I don’t believe that’s so in every case,many ppl in history that we consider great were at one time followers.Following can be a sort of apprenticeship in which the follower/s are learning from the 1 they follow.I don’t believe devotion can be compelled either,it’s 1 of those things that are best earned by hard work and skill rather than any attempted forcing.If anyone in my group doesn’t get along with someone else in the group they are encouraged to talk to each other about what the problem is,not to silently stew about it or to just write someone off.Open and honest discussions are what my group thrive on so that there aren’t any unresolved issues down the road.As for clashing personalities my view is go ahead and let them clash,if it comes to that,either 1 side will convince the other of it’s correctness of viewpoint or they will agree to disagree on that topic but will gain new respect for each other.But under no circumstances is the clash allowed to “die-out” until either 1 or both of the participants have agreed that the topic is done being discussed.I personally take no sides in clashes of personality further it should be pointed out,lest someone think a clash of personalities is an easy promotional vehicle,these clashes are quite few and have no lasting effects outside of the relationship between the 2 who have clashed.We don’t seek to clash personalities but we do not avoid them either just “to keep the peace” because IMO there can be such a thing as “A good war or a bad peace” when it comes to personalities on Home.
Well, Ro Shro, brace yourself. There are three of us. I am originally from Texas, have several college degrees, was a fashion model in San Francisco 50 years ago (newspaper and magazine ads and tv commercials), and am now retired. Writing for HSM is FUN and Texans know all about FUN.
YeeeHaaa
Welcome into the fold of HSM tbaby. Always good to have another eager pen at the helm. I hope you decide to submit more of your thoughts to the magazine.
There is one overarching theme to your piece, one which I questioned in one of my recent articles. You say you are true to yourself. I question exactly what it means to be “true to one’s self”. You see your avatar as an extension of yourself and you bring yourself, physically and socially, into Home through your avatar. What about people who feel as if their true selves are different from their physical or emotional self? Is being true to one’s self being true to the hand one has been dealt or is it being true to who you are emotionally and mentally. At what point is being emotionally honest viewed as dishonesty in the eyes of a virtual society?
It’s not always as easy as “being true” because truth, especially when it comes to one’s self, is a tricky thing.
Very much agree, Gideon.
I recently ran hard up against that truth, when the person with whom I was sharing a fun evening in Home (and, not to put too fine a line on it, flirting) freaked out and unfriended me when I revealed my true age.
I’m sixty — well into “little old lady” territory for most Home users. But I don’t feel old, and I see no reason why my avatar should look like the white-haired, moderately dumpy being I see in the mirror. Granted, I should never have let my new friend treat me like a potential gf, but… well, mistakes were made, and I made most of them. Won’t do that again, at least not quite in the same way.
In Home, like life, you live and learn. It’s why we love this place, but sometimes you want to throw the controller through the screen and go read a book.
Seal don’t be too hard on yourself,you did the right thing by being honest and the person that couldn’t or wouldn’t continue being your friend just because of age is an idiot.I guess some young ppl think they will never get old themselves 1 day,I really would like to see this kind of person on the day when they realize they are now old and see how they feel about older ppl then.
Great point Gideon. I for one try to stay true to myself on Home if not better. I am flawed as we all are. I struggle to communicate because of a reading disability that hampers my reading speed and mostly my spelling. Believe it or not, I use my words economically because I cann’t normally use the ones I want. That said, I will not waste time typing out evidence of my personal short comings. Not to mention psychical limitations. Home is an escape for so many that dwell in it. And if someone doesn’t like who they are in real life for what ever reason or just wants to make changes, isn’t that what the virtual aspect is there for. I know a young man with Asperger syndrome that make is difficult for him to fit in a real life social environment. I recommended he try Home. He had all but given up. He was to “odd” feeling to further his education in a university setting. After experimenting on Home with social interaction skills he gain his confidence enough to enroll in classes and now is doing great. Being true to ones self is all fine and dandy if you are happy with where and what you are. But if you are not, does that have to carry over to the next world? In Home I can dance for hours without pain, but not so much in real life. Okay, sure these are obvious exceptions. But lets say someone is bullied in real life but in Home they get to stand proud and brave, is that not being true to ones self? Many can look in the mirror and see things they would rather not. Acne, weight, balding, scars just to name a few. How about anger, pain, age, loneliness, fear, hopelessness and many more. Why is it that it has been judged that you have to come clean that your avatar isn’t a photo copy of you. Why can you enjoy the character that may be based on the real you or the you you want to be. Or even someone you just want to try out. Being true to one’s self is fine if that is what you are going for but being true to one’s dreams is a gift that Home can offer some. In home I have no scars, am I deceiving anyone by not telling everyone that I have lots of scars? If someone comes up to me in real life and says “I like pie” i would most likely dismiss them diplomatically and then move to a safe pie like radius and question the reasoning of the random pie statement. (even though I am know for my pie loving pious). In Home I would jump on the opportunity to banter with my fellow pie lover. So my real life me would be concerned over said vocal pie lovers willingness to witness their pie amore where in Home I adore the randomness. So am I being true to the real me? Home and real life are apples and oranges. And in being so should not be judged by the same rules. I am 5’11” tall, if I want to be 4’2″ in Home why not? If you make a friend on Home, know that its an avatar that is not real… the person behind it is real and a real person has to deal with who they are and an avatar doesn’t. If you get hurt because the digital animated figure on a TV screen turns out to not be the same in real life than Power Rangers is not the show for you. Be true to yourself and except virtual for what it is… Main Entry: virtual environment
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: a computer-generated, three-dimensional representation of a setting in which the user of the technology perceives themselves to be and within which interaction takes place; also called virtual landscape, virtual space, virtual world. I know there will be those that may have been hurt or disappointed because the avatar they enjoyed being with isn’t run by the equal real life counter part. It would be easy to blame the other of being deceitful but wouldn’t some of the blame belong to ones self if we are being true? I am who I am. Many have asked me to prove who I am. Weather I do or don’t it is up to me. But no matter how hard you try, the virtual you can never be just like the real you so it would be impossible to be completely true. So much for using my words economically. But I could be wrong and expect that I will be told that I am. This was just my humble option.
Well stated Olivia.
Thank you
I agree completely with you man. The thing is, there is also a very big difference between truth and fact.
The fact is that it is 98F outside, but the truth is that its darn hot out.
The facts are concrete and can not be argued. To state a true fact about yourself means you are being honest. If you are true to yourself, in any form then your truth may be disagreed with.
My truth is that I am 5’7″, but I am not short. Some people may agree with that, others may not. It is not a lie, that is how far the top of my head stretches from the groud, but as for my truth…
If someone tells me im short I say not I’m not. Perspective has everything to do with truth.
Perspective. The magical dequalizer. lol.
I think more along the lines of my train of thought is. Let’s say, for this argument, I am a runner. I LOVE running. I’ve ran marathons. I can’t get enough of the cadence of the street against the soles of my feet. My favorite time and place to run is in the sand, barefoot on a brisk January morning. With no one else on the beach, my lungs burning from the bitter coldness and my thoughts clearing from their troubles as I kick past the lapping waves.
But what if the fact is, I haven’t ran in over a decade because I was in an accident that left me paralyzed from the waist down?
Would it be deceptive to tell someone that I am a runner… what is in my heart, my soul… when my body is unable to do so anymore? Why should I be forced to lay my inability to run out on the table to people it will never have an effect on? Furthermore, shouldn’t the “friends” I meet care more about who “I” am and not what my body is?
And just in case anyone missed that… this was a hypothetical ‘what if’. I’m not paralyzed. Just proposing a scenario.
My response to your hypothetical scenario is that for you to say you ARE are runner then the tense implies you like to run and currently can and do run. If you are unable to now because of an accident or whatever then you WERE a runner. So it is completely deceptive for you to say that you still are.
I’d agree that it’s deceptive but does that deception hurt anyone?It could depending on the situation,say like the paralyzed guy was telling an online significant other that he was planning to walk them down the aisle or across the threshold.I said this before but here it is again,once you’ve discovered the deception from a friend you have to ask yourself how big of a deal it is to you.If it’s something minor in YOUR opinion then simply talking about it may clear things up.If it’s something major in YOUR opinion then you will need to decide just what,if anything,you will do about it.IMO the paralyzed guy in your example would be what I’d call harmlessly,mildly deceptive(as long as no 1 else’s feelings were hurt because he had been fueling obviously unfulfillable expectations) and if he were my friend and he told me himself I doubt there would be any hard feelings about it.
Just how do we determine if someone’s feelings will be hurt? Everyone is different and have different thresholds of emotional breaking.
Well hopefully hanging out with them everyday for a few months has given you a “feel” as to how they view certain things as well as given you a good judgement of their emotional limits.
Thats seems so cruel.
Which part do you view as cruel?
There’s a big difference between playing a role with ppl you hardly know and telling those that you hang-out with every day,and claim to be good friends with that can tell each other anything,intentionally false facts.If you don’t want to tell your close friends something just say you’d rather not talk about it,why would anyone deceive those that are claimed closest to them?Sure go ahead and tell randoms w/e you wish,anyone that expects 100% truth from a stranger is foolish,but there is a time in a friendship that those types of shenanigans should stop and friends should either come clean or make it known that the subject is off limits.Otherwise our invested time could have been better spent elsewhere with ppl that respect us enough not to straight out lie to us.This line is not applicable til’ at least a few months of daily hanging out so this only applies to those who are supposedly most close to us.Your not entirely wrong Olivia,but there are limits. When someone elses fantasy causes real pain to others,not just disappointment but real soul-wrenching pain,the line has been crossed.I’ve heard this said many times on this site “Be kind to one another”.Well how kind is it for someone to intentionally mislead supposed good friends for months or years and then dump the truth on them and expect them to continue on as if nothing was changed?Well not only is it not kind but it’s the type of thing that can make immature young ppl,that haven’t fully developed coping mechanisms yet,contemplate suicide.If ppl want to keep the virtual world and the real world seperated all they have to do is say so,deception isn’t necessary.
Last line should be “….deception between good friends isn’t necessary.”
I agree. We all agree lying to someone who you are good friends with is no good. However, if I’m friends with someone, even GOOD friends, I do not expect them to divulge physical, emotional, psychological problems to me and those are things that can encompass quite a bit about what makes a person a person. To me a large part of accepting friends in Home is the willingness to accept people how they are, how they come and how they present themselves.
There is a difference between how someone presents themselves, someone withholding information about their real life and someone just telling outright lies.
Thanks for a very insightful article, tbaby. I gave it a lot of thought, reread it, and can identify with a lot of what you said. My avatar is the most precise copy of what I looked like 35 years ago. Mainly because Sony does not have the tools in the avatar creation palette to accurately portray someone 73 years old. To keep from misleading young men from thinking I am “available”, I usually have gray hair on my avatar -- even though it has never gone gray yet in real life! Plus my other account name is DarthGranny = now that speaks volumes!
TY DarthGranny
Of course the fact your name is Darth GRANNY should be a big clue to all would be virtual suitors out there. But of course asking young horny guys to make that connection would be asking too much I know.
Quote of the day (courtesy of Ro Schro) — “Are all the female writers on HSM models with IQ’s of like 140 or more?”
LOL!! I guess you could say that statement was true in a sense,I did some modeling when I was a child and teenager, TV commercials and newspaper and magazine layouts, but in my case it was mostly the theater as I was a student in drama for 12 years outside of regular schooling while growing up.
When it comes to telling people the truth I always tell them my age when they ask, although many call me a liar, it is partly why I used 52 in my name as that is the year I was born. But sometimes it still doesn’t stop them, then I wonder about how desperate some of these people have to be to pursue someone who is obvious old enough to be their Mom or grandma in some cases. *scratches head*
Well there has to be an exception to the rule somewhere. *Points at self*
In reality, the only honorific after my name is “mom.” No extraordinary, stand-out life adventures, no string of degrees; just a quiet, average existence.
Well I think we both know what it takes to be a mom and I think that is extraordinary. There are plenty of little moments that I am sure we have with our children that are priceless, many of which could be considered adventures. As far as degrees, while I value mine, will of course never compare to the lessons learned in life, a school from which will never fully graduate. Plus all you have learned from having your own business I think is every bit as noteworthy as a degree. So I would say that you live by no means, an average existence. You are special like we all are.
Yeahup, it’s hard to get away from that spotty-horny-teenage-outcast stigma that most gamers seem to have attached to them, I know, I’ve been trying to shake it for YEARS! When I tell people who are my age (or higher) that my hobbies include gaming I usually receive the “what’s wrong with you” look. Being a grown man with a family defaults me to only being interested in sports (UGH!) or beer, and video games are just for children. I’ve found now though that I’ve become somewhat of an outcast in my own network of people too, ie, the gamers. Gamers who snide at Home users saying that they’re probably scoally stunted, ugly, sad lonely men who get their rocks off dressing as a girl and chatting up pixels! It seems those who have been gaming for years and had to endure the stigma that goes with it, have missed the irony in their repulsion at some of our interests in Home.
Having said that, you’re (the author) very right about people having apprehension when it comes to beliving others about their job or their looks. I myself am guilty of that, a friend on my list (without naming names) sent me a photo of herself quite some time ago, and to say the least, I couldn’t belive it was her! I guess my default train-of-thought was “why would someone so pretty NEED to be in Home at all”. A very shallow way of thinking indeed, and did not become apparet to me until I was told that exact thing from a different friend! Being on the receiving end flattered me, but also made me realise that Home truly is filled with people from all walks of life, and they all have their reasons for utilising a place like Home. Just like tbaby said, my social life basically died after my child’s birth (not that I’d change it) and found Home to be the best, most economical and simplest way of getting back out there. Anyways, great read tbaby, hope to see more!
Hmmm, nice article
Excellent article, and congrats on your photo shoot!
Man is it smokin in here!!! HOT Topics….:)