Home As Therapy
by Orion, HSN guest contributor
(Editor’s note: In light of the ongoing contest here at HSM, I’ve made it a point to remain neutral about all the articles. However, I didn’t expect that any of our submittors would take what I wrote in the guidelines for the contest – which, really, are the guidelines for all submissions to HSM – and follow it as thoroughly as this, and for that, I have to commend Orion for the outstanding job he did on this article.)
“A friend of mine commented that you have to be slightly damaged in some way to find Home so addictive.” – NorseGamer
I’ve heard this same sentiment echoed many times by others commenting on those who seemed to be living on Home, “Why aren’t you in the real world instead of spending so much time on Home?”
As I read NorseGamer’s words, it gave me pause and I thought about it for quite some time. As I looked down my Home Friends list, I realized that many of them were dealing with physical or emotional obstacles in the real world. Many of them were trying to find on Home that which they could not find in the real world.
I began to examine my own reasons for why I came to Home and why I kept coming back. The startling revelation that came back was that I was “damaged” and was searching for something in Home that eluded me in the real world. This analysis of Home also left me wondering if Home could provide any therapeutic value for others and myself, who were “damaged,” so to speak.
Home seemed to be custom designed for gathering together instant support groups. On several occasions, I have participated in coming together with others to give moral support to a friend on Home, who was experiencing a difficult time due to something that was occurring in the real world. Perhaps they were going to have a medical test or surgery performed. Or maybe they had just learned that a loved one had a terminal illness or had just died.
You might think that there would be very little a virtual pixelated person – who can’t even give a hug or hold hands – can do to comfort someone who is across the country, but just being there for them and letting them know that you care affords amazing comfort to the individual that it transfers into their real world. Sometimes just listening and understanding can do wonders for a person.
Several people I know lend a listening ear on a regular basis on Home. One such person is Olivia_Allin, who spends eight hours or more a day in Central Plaza talking with people. She explained what she does to me, “I listen; I give advice and perspective, or just make them laugh.”
She has made lifelong friendships of the people that she has conversed with in Central Plaza. She has helped people with terminal illness, those who were lonely, those with handicaps, and those who were considered social outcasts. She has helped one individual enter AA and, because of it, he has been sober for the last six months. Home allows one to meet and touch the lives of many more people than one would normally meet in real life.
Those who have limited or no physical mobility can feel a great liberation to be able to move about in Home. With Jersquall’s simple statement of “I can walk in Home” so much is conveyed. That is an amazing thing if you stop and think about. In a small way, on Home, something a person has lost in the real world can be regained.
Others with psychological limitations can also feel the liberating effects that Home provides. In an HSM interview with the Lochwoods, Burbie52 asked Mr. Lochwood if it was true that he was agoraphobic.
He replied, “Yes, I haven’t left my home for almost twelve years. Home is my social life, and in many ways has been very good for me by allowing me to express things I can’t in the real world.”
I’ve had another person tell me that she knew of two people who were agoraphobic and that they used Home as a means to do what they cannot accomplish in the real world: venture out into the world.
In an article, NorseGamer has also related how socializing has not always been easy for him, but in Home it was different. He could socialize. “Home gives me confidence to be social. No anxiety. No awkwardness. Home is my comfort zone.”
When I asked him to elaborate on this, he had this to say about Home, “It’s filled a tremendous void – namely, not having a social life.”
A recent friend of mine has autism and I asked her about what Home gives to her. “I don’t go out much and make many friends. Here on Home, I feel I have been able to be myself. I have asked some of them [her friends on Home] to be brothers and sisters in friendship.”
This is wonderful that she is able to create very close friendships that may not be possible in her real world. Awe2nice echoed this same sentiment, “I can be me because nobody can reach me. I can really be who I am without the fear level being a ten.”
Whether one is limited by physical or psychological factors, Home provides a place where people can do things that they could not do in the real world. This makes Home a very valuable place.
For my own sake, I wanted to know if Home could also provide therapeutic value that could modify one’s behavior in the real world.
Some time ago, an acquaintance on Home told me that he used Home as a practice field to develop having meaningful and deep conversations. After hearing this, I wondered if teenagers took advantage of Home to practice socializing. Looking back when he was in the seventh grade, Tyler890 related to me how his time on Home has helped him with his socializing in the real world.
“Middle school wasn’t very easy for me, social-wise. So I went on Home a lot because it let me socialize freely without me worrying about being critisized [sic] on my looks or the way I dress, etc. Home has made me realize that, just like in the real world, people will talk to you if you talk to them. One example, when I was invited to a party, I was very shy. But I remember, toward the end of the party I remembered how I started talking to someone on Home. So I just started begining [sic] conversations with people I had never met just like I would on Home, and before I knew it, I was having a good time!”
Home offers a world of diverse individuals that for various reasons one may not meet in the real world and have a meaningful dialog and exchange of ideas. I have heard from many people that they have learned to look at things in a different way from conversations on Home with individuals that they would not normally meet in the real world. Home also offers the opportunity to meet people, not only from all over the US, but from all over the world. Many have expressed that they have learned about different cultures from their time on Home. Some even use Google Translate to communicate, using their native language.
These are all examples of how Home is a positive force that can have a great affect on the quality of life, but the real question for me was, “Could Home offer me help with my social anxiety and panic attacks?”
It wasn’t until I was on Home for more than six months that I realized that it had.
Less than a year ago, I was having constant panic attacks that seemed to rise and ebb, but never entirely go away. This was having an effect on my quality of work and my personal life. My employer suggested that I see a psychiatrist.
After three visits and over $800 later, the only things he could offer me were that I should try meditation, come see him on a regular basis, and prescribe medication. I felt that I had told him everything I could in those three visits – which had its benefits in getting it all off my chest – but I knew now that merely talking about it was not the cure. There had to be another way.
Just before this occurred, we had bought a PS3 for the family and I had discovered Home out of curiosity. I had heard about Second Life from co-workers and wondered if Home was similar. My first experience on Home was not a pleasant one, although this had nothing to do with the people on Home, but with my own limitations.
As I stepped out of my studio apartment into the Central Plaza, I was overcome with the number of people that were there. Everyone was talking and people were crowded at the entrance to the plaza. I was suddenly seized by a panic attack and immediately had to figure out how to get back into my apartment. Once back in the safety of the empty apartment, the panic attack subsided. At that point I could have walked away, but I was resolute that I would not give up.
After a while, I was able to venture out into crowded spaces and I explored some of the other areas of Home.
During those early days, when someone would try to talk to me I would run or zoom to another location. I know that this was terribly rude, but I could not handle speaking to strangers at the time, even if it was just texting with a virtual person. Home was too real. It was like I was there and all my anxieties that I had in real life carried over into the virtual world.
Eventually, I made friends with a few people. I gravitated towards places where I felt more comfortable being around people and where it was easier to meet people, such as Hudson. Dance places such as Singstar and Motor Storm were still too close to real life socializing that it was difficult for me to be there for very long without having to leave.
Over the next few months, my Friends list slowly increased. Then it hit me. Home gave me the perfect environment in which I could practice socializing and gradually become more comfortable with social interaction. Home was like the real world, but not entirely the same. I was not face-to-face with the person; I was in the comfort of my family room. If things got too much for me in a crowd of people, I could always say ‘BRB’ and take a breather. Thank God for ‘BRB.’
It wasn’t until the PSN outage that I realized how far I had progressed. Now that my “Home Therapy” had been taken away from me for a period of time, I have regressed almost to the point of starting over again.
I have met many other people on Home who have similar conditions as myself. Awe2nice describes herself as a recovering agoraphobic that also suffers from social anxiety and PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). Home has helped her to be more social and she can now go out of her house with a very trusted friend.
We are human. We all crave interaction with others. Whether the interaction is a physical or a psychological challenge, we still want that interaction. Home is a place where we can be at home and comfortable interacting with others.
Awe2nice summed it up very nicely, “It has been better therapy then [sic] professional therapy. I don’t know what I would do without it.”
I don’t know what I would do without it, either. Home is my therapy; therapy that money cannot not buy.
July 5th, 2011 by Orion_NGC1976 | 21 comments
Father, husband, dolphy racer and sometimes Home world traveler.
Awesome Orion! You are so right, as humans we crave interaction. Why do u thing solitary confinement is such an effective punishment. Home isn’t perfect, but even with it’s flaws it is a world the each of us have more control over than we might in real life. That kind of power gives those of us that are lacking something in real the freedom to compensate and that is an amazing gift! Very well done my friend!
Thank you, Olivia, and, yes, it is an amazing gift and I like what you have said before that Home is what you make it to be.
Someone asked me for a tour today. I had met her a few times and we had exchanged stories before. She asked if she could ask a personal question. I agreed to answer.
She asked is I had a lot of pyhsical pain then proceeded to tell me her’s and counted off about 8 very strong different meds she takes and then again asked me.
I told her I take a Ibuprophen once in a great. She seemed shocked and then said “You’re fortunate” I told her that by staying busy in Home and Podcast, meetings, HCving and video’s etc.. I don’t notice much pain. She agreed that Home was her getaway and sanctuary. Everyone has or knows someone with some sort of.. Never mind. In Home everyone is just who they really are. People.
Sometimes it is hard to remember that looking at an avatar. They are people and all people are different. I feel that in Home, I have gotten to know the real person much more than I have in the real world.
This was a wonderful, heartfelt article Orion. I am glad that you did this and that you count me as one of your friends. I can’t begin to tell you how many people I have met in Home who are hurting in one way or another. Sometimes it is physical or mental, but sometimes it is only socially or emotionally too. I think that the fact that you were able to write this shows how far you have come, many people wouldn’t have the guts to wear their heart on their sleeve as you have here. Home has become many things to many people and therapy is one of them. Great read.
Thank you for your comments and your constant support. And for making me feel welcome in Home.
;^) Well done. I have a friend in a similar situation. So, I bought her and her husband a PS3, and showed them how to establish themselves in Home. They love it, and she’s learning to relate to some of the people she meets there.
I think this is wonder and that you had the foresight to be able to see what Home could be for your friend. I think that is remarkable.
great job on your article. it’s always nice to hear how Home has helped personal problems.
Thank you, April. I am glad that you enjoyed it.
If not for the friends I have made on Home encouraging me to do so, I would have -- in all likelihood -- remained in a situation where my son and I would have ended up a domestic violence statistic.
You can’t quantify those kinds of connections and the effects they have. Unless, of course, you experience them yourself.
You are so right Terra.
I know this is your contest entry, Orion, but I really hope you will continue to write more articles for HSM. You have a talent for getting to the core of things and laying them out so everyone can understand and appreciate. Keep writing!
Thank you, Keara, for your most kind words. Thank you, for all the encouragement and support that you have given me. Hopefully, I can find a few more article in me.
If you ever are in need of ideas, please don’t hesitate to ask!
TY for the great article Orion.
I might not be on PS Home as much as others, but for me, it is a great compliment to my social life. Being a single mother of a 3 year old on top of school and working, I have not been able to go out like I used to and PS Home provides a convenient but very fun way for me to interact and socialize with people online without me having to leave the house and have to worry about someone watching my daughter. In fact, many times she is next to me as I play around. The fun times I have on PS Home rival those I have in real life as they force you to rely on your imagination more and focus on the exchange of words without actual physical interaction. I have made some truly great friends on PS Home over the last 2 yrs and love meeting new people and making new friends all the time. I have met so many great people, including some of the staff of HSM such as Terra_Cide and guest contributors like Olivia_Allin. All amazing people who I have found things in common one way or another and have enjoyed multiple witty moments acting avatarded.
Thanks again for the article and I wish you luck in the writing contest as well.
I think that it is great that you have found a compliment to RL with Home and that you go on with your daughter. I know of other people that do the same and even let their children control their avatar for a while.
You’re welcome and thank you.
I am glad Home is therapeutic for so many people, at least apparently so. Then again I’ve actions by some who need therapy.
I find it an interesting and sometimes fun place to be.
It’s a good article.
(I surely wish I knew why when reading it I think of Bobby Darin singing his song “I’ll Be There”. Home is there.
Thank you Kid and you are showing your age with Bobby Darin (or you had older brothers or sisters). I am finding myself more tolerant of people who seem to be rude, understanding better now that people are at all different stages of development. Glad you enjoyed the article.
I know someone who may be able to benefit from Home in the ways you have described. They can’t afford a PS3, so I may just get it for them. I don’t know if they are one who will benefit from Home, but it is a good thing to try.
Thanks for an insight I would never had come up with on my own.
You’re welcome and I think that it is wonderful what you are doing for your friend. Let us know how it goes?