Obituary
by Terra_Cide, HSM copy editor
It saddens me to have learned, Wednesday morning, of the passing of a friend I met in my earliest months on Home.
Ryan Hamilton – who went by the username MementoMorti – died suddenly at his mother’s home in Orange County, California on Sunday morning. He was 25 years old.
I first met Morti (as we all called him then) in Home, sitting atop the bar at Sully’s in May of 2009. I had seen him there often, although it was a few weeks before we actually talked. In a rather non-sequitur fashion, he called out to me, as I sat on the other end of the bar waiting for a friend to show up, inquiring about my name. He had a love of language – primarily Latin and German – and given how you didn’t see that many people in Home with Latin names, it intrigued him.
It wasn’t long before we became friends. At the time, I had only a few people on my friends list, and so he enthusiastically introduced me to his. Some of the closest friends I have from Home to this day are people who I met through Ryan. He introduced me to the fun of mic chats and private space parties; he would make your sides ache from laughing with his renditions of old cartoon theme songs, Muppet Babies and Ducktales being perennial crowd pleasers. We’d quote Monty Python at each other – because that what you do when you like the Pythons – and laugh at each other’s faux British accents.
Ryan had a dark side to him as well. I can recall in one of our earliest chats, he admitted to recently spending time in jail for a rather brutal fight he had gotten into. He told me in rather graphic detail (which I shall spare you all from) how he initially didn’t want to be involved, but was pushed to the limit and snapped on his antagonist. He told me about his time in jail, and how glad he was to be out.
After jail, he went to live with his mother. Ryan had no problem with friends on Home knowing his real name or personal details about his offline life. He was very frank about the fact that he came from a broken home. We chatted about his goals for the future and how he wanted to go back to school and get involved with graphic design and computer animation. I learned about how he had broken his ankle rollerblading not too long before we met, and how he was on pain medication and physical therapy for it. He admitted to mixing his pain killers with alcohol from time to time — a practice his friends would routinely caution him about.
I would like to say that we remained friends right up to the point when I no longer had a PS3, but sadly, that was not the case. Like many circles of friends in Home, we too had our drama. Some of us broke apart, some of us stayed together. The end of my friendship with Ryan came one day when I logged on and found that I had received a rather nasty, two-part message from him and that he was no longer on my friends list. Having had my fill of drama in the prior weeks, I simply didn’t respond.
In hindsight, I realize it was the one-two punch of alcohol and medication that caused this outburst.
Having mutual friends, we had an unspoken agreement to remain civil to each other, for their sake, especially when he started a relationship with one of them. There were even a few times when Ryan would act as if nothing had ever happened between us. I, at the time, was baffled, and – being the internet cynic I am – guarded from letting him into my confidence again. The last time I was in Home – around October of last year – I had learned he joined the Homeling Collective. I wished him well and parted ways.
Now I wish I had given him a second chance.
I knew our mutual friend – the woman who he started a relationship with – was absolutely in love with Ryan, and he with her. She would fly out to visit him often (she’s from Canada, and since he had a criminal record, couldn’t go see her), and missed him when she came home. It wasn’t until a few months ago that she and I reconnected through another friend of ours and I found out she had broken it off with him. His alcohol and drug addiction had made his behavior grow erratic; he grew abusive towards her, and she finally worked up the courage to walk away.
It was through her that I learned of Ryan’s passing. She had sent me a message Tuesday night, saying that he had overdosed on pain medication and his mother found him Sunday morning. Being a mother myself, I cannot imagine what she must be going through right now.
We had all hoped he would overcome his challenges, that he would find himself once more and remember who he wanted to be. Sadly, Ryan let his demons overwhelm him, and they won out in the end. He is not the first online friend whom I have lost, and it never gets easier to say good bye to someone who – although you never met face to face – was just as real a friend as anyone you’ve met offline.
Wherever you are, Ryan, I hope that you have found the peace that eluded you in this life.
R.I.P. Ryan McGarry Hamilton July 24, 1985 – May 1, 2011
May 5th, 2011 by Terra_Cide | 18 comments
Terra _Cide is the former Community Manager for Lockwood Publishing and Editor Emeritus for HomeStation Magazine.
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I also had the privilege of meeting MementoMorti atop Sully’s Bar in the early days of PS Home. I recall having long conversations about our favorite toys, board games and TV shows from the 80’s and early 90’s, his jail time and the reason for it, and especially about The Simpsons. We didn’t add each other then, but there was always a friendly greeting and a nice conversation when we saw each other at Sully’s.
Soon after the MotorStorm Carrier public space opened last year, I ran into him there, and had the pleasure of meeting his girlfriend. At that chance meeting, we were able to reconnect and finally added each other. Even though it didn’t last too long, the friendly feeling remained.
PSN limits our friends list to 100, but there are many people who aren’t always on my list who I’ve always considered friends. MementoMorti was one of those people who I’ll always consider a friend. I’m grateful I got the chance to know him, and glad he was able to find love in his short life. My condolences to his family, friends and girlfriend. Rest in peace, dude. Sully’s will never be the same without you.
I know the pain of losing someone close to you. I wish his family well. It is always difficult for those who are left behind. And yes, there are real people behind each and everyone of those avatars.
I’d like to share with you something that was posted as a comment to this writeup, where it appears on PSHT:
It never really dawned on me when I first decided to add that video that it had a Harbour Studio feel to it -- I just thought that it was a haunting, poignant piece of music that fit the mood -- but the person who wrote that gave me a new perspective and a greater appreciation for the video itself.
im so sorry, terra 8(. i would also like to say my goodbye’s to my best friend from the first day i was on home. sandie (dovezilla). farewell, my little dove, you are so missed.
Sorry to hear about your friend Terra. I know what it feels like to lose someone so young so suddenly. My sister died suddenly at the age of 18 many years ago. I was 23 at the time and I know exactly what his mom is going through by watching what it did to mine. I hope that she seeks counseling later on as it helped my mom immensely. You just never dream you will outlive your children.
That being said this a vivid reminder that life can be very short indeed, we are not guaranteed tomorrow, so we should make today the best day is can be for us and others as well. And it is also a reminder that there are real people with real issues behind those avatars and that they should be treated with the care that we all owe each other. May he rest in peace.
I met Morti, or Mento as I usually called him, when Sony broadcasted E3 live from Home in 2009. I had only been on Playstation Home a little over 2 months and was there trying to get codes for the No Place Like Home shirts. I noticed Mento glitching in the reception area, and I kept trying to do it by watching him. When he realized what I was doing, he added me and called me on the phone. Our friendship took off there, and he spent the next few weeks showing me how to glitch and introducing me to the people of Sully’s bar. I had a lot of good times with Mento, including listening to him sing many different theme songs from old cartoons. I met several people through Mento, that I still care a lot about today. Even though he was no longer using Home anymore, he was excited about playing Free Realms. He told me that Free Realms was coming a year before it launched. I wish I had the chance to join him in a battle. One thing I’m not looking forward to when the PSN comes up, is seeing his account never sign in again. Mento I hope you found your peace, and may God be with your family and friends to help them understand and to heal.
You know, I’ve been thinking about this more or less since I wrote this back on Wednesday, but I’m pretty sure that if I hadn’t met Ryan, I probably wouldn’t have met you, Cyn. I know for a fact if it wasn’t for him, I would not have met many of my long-standing friends on Home, SephirothsWifey and Killasamoosa specifically.
to some it may sound morbid, but maybe this is something that should be looked into for hsmagazine, an obituary section for the confirmed people lost. just with terra’s title of obituary alone, people are being drawn here, and as its proven, people that knew morti have found a place to morn or just to find out. its something to think about.
I’m sorry you’se lost your friend. It’s a hard thing to go through, something we never get over but in time life can lessen the pain… hopefully.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_32JXJ8HO0k
Man :(. I believe I was acquainted with him through Sully’s and other friends. I’m extremely sorry to hear about this.
Indeed, he was known even in the Homeling Collective.
Member of Mothership 11.
*bows and salutes*
May his rest be peaceful.
May the beyond find him well and whole.
If you could be so kind, please pass the message along to his companions of his Mothership. It has always been a personal value of mine that if an online friend passes away, that as many of their other online friends be informed. I know I’d personally hate not knowing and just never see that person sign on again.
Indeed.
Fluidic Space has released a bulletin to all members.
I Want To Say.
By Unknown
I want to say I’m sorry for many reasons left unsaid
I want to say I miss you and the life that we once led
I want to be forgiven and forgive myself as well
I want to hold my head up high and no longer sit and dwell
How do you learn to love yourself after perfecting self-hate?
I want to shout ‘ I miss you so’ yet knowing I’m too late
So much time has already passed but one thing remains
The thought of you brings warmth to me and that will never change
We all make mistakes in life, Lord knows I’ve made a few
Please know that doesn’t change the fact I truly cared for you
The life we shared may have been brief, and now it’s just our past
But the impact that you have left on me will forever last
No matter where we go from here, no matter where we’ve been
What I miss most of all, forevermore, it’s my friend
I hope you have found your peace.
This article I can relate to and more reasons than one. Addictions have been known throughout history, but the addiction to pain killers is prescribed and a current epidemic. I have met many people which has suffered from a doctors dosage. Your story made me remember others whom once were genuine, but sadly changed lead along by the wrong pathway as a result of our departure. Writing about Ryans death could potentially save people and thank you for that.Although most may very will be too late to in trust hope and heres why. Opioids are well known for their ability to produce a feeling of euphoria, motivating some to recreationally use opioids.Restore opiate receptors by abstaining from opiate usage.Over time the receptor proteins will regenerate and become normal again. This amount of time will fluctuate, depending upon the person’s history of opiate usage. It could take as little as a couple of weeks or last longer than one year, depending on the severity of the addiction. I’m deeply sorry for everyones loss
Ryan.was my oldest friend and I already miss him even though im so mad at him.I spent endless hours playing first person shooter games with Ryan…He was kind,smart,funny and always concerned for me and my family…I dont believe he could be abusive towards anybody…even though he had been to jail he didnt do anything to get there that most of us would have done…He was a true friend to our clan and TeamSuperSick will miss him…we are all at a loss for losing this guy….I just found out from killa..thanks alot psn..”outrage”as he would say…….