Maintaining Through Maintenance
by Olivia_Allin, HSM guest contributor
Okay, I admit it: I am such a Home junky!
No new news there, I know. And, like a lot of you, on the rare occasions that Sony shuts down the Playstation Network to sweep up the trash, putty up the holes, do battle with hackers or whatever the reason, I am lost.
My first reaction is to panic. I rewind the past 24 hours on Home and wonder if verbally eviscerating the troll that asked if I like porn was grounds enough to have my account’s nose rubbed in it, spanked and tossed outside.
Hamster needs back into Home
I try logging on under my boyfriend’s account, hoping that it doesn’t really make it to the network because that would mean that my account was tainted in some way. And no one wants the nightmare of having a tainted account. As “luck” would have it, I run into the same brick wall in the form of an error code.
I continue my troubleshooting to see if my PlayStation 3 has in any way violated the three rules of robotics as put forth in I, Robot. I fire up my second PS3 and run it through the gauntlet of frustration that I just endured with the first one. But it to refuses to allow me access to my holy grail. Frustrating, yet it does relieve some fear that my PlayStations have been hacked or infected.
Step four…which should always be an earlier step: I get online and try to Google this dilemma. At last, some answers. Maybe not what I really want to hear, but to know in this case is better than the not knowing.
Homeling needs back into Home
“The PlayStation Network will be down for scheduled maintenance.”
But my addiction has me jonesing for a fix. And the timeline till I can get my fix doesn’t match up with my desires. So, I pout, as I am apt to do. I stomp around the house and take care of things that I have put off so that I might bask in the glow of the 46 inches of virtual sunlight that is Home. While real-life pets are being fed, mountains of dirty laundry are being strip-mined and the archaeological dig through the depths of the dirty dishes in search of the lost sink drain has me ranting in my Charlie Sheen-like, addiction-addled mind as to how unfair it is that I have to do without my drug of choice: Home.
Try picturing Fraggle Rock’s population being given an eviction notice. There would be sadness. There would be denial. There would be anger. And, finally, there would be technicolor mayhem.
Commander Riker needs back into Home
Whether any of us wants to admit it or not, this virtual reality — Home — has become a major part of our lives. Like flipping on a light switch during a power outage, the indignant rage at it not working is palpable.
As the miniature devil on my left shoulder pokes at my neck right below my ear with its trident, a small puff of smoke and a slight sound of a small harp draws my attention to the angel on my right shoulder.
“It will be back soon,” the little angelic me whispers. And then goes on to remind me that, other than the money I have chosen to spend, Sony has not charged me for this wonderfully addictive pleasure stimulator. And that it doesn’t matter how many teeth this gift horse has. The demon has no choice but to slowly dissolve like a wet witch would in Oz.
Random baby needs back into Home
Empowered by the words of wisdom from the well-intentioned hallucination on my right, I find the strength to power through my withdrawals with my head held high and only a few, very small pitchfork marks on my neck.
Oh, who am I kidding.
This is a full-blown addiction. And people get freaky when they haven’t gotten their fix. FREAKY, MAN.
Seriously, though. Home. Bring it back. Like, now. I kill you.
April 23rd, 2011 by Olivia_Allin | 37 comments
Olivia_Allin is a team writer, photographer, model, curator, graphic artist, researcher and comic relief for HomeStation Magazine; she lives in Texas with her boyfriend, and Home is more than just a game to her. Years ago she discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. On weekends, to let off steam, she participate in full-contact origami. She saw a Bigfoot once, made a sound you never want to hear twice, and was so proud of her Special Olympics gold medal that she had it bronzed. She is, in her own words, adorkable.
Hahaha! Awesome read! Thank you so very much. I Am Not Alone! ^_^
Noooo, thank you! You are far from alone! Im guessing that 80% of the worlds above average or higher IQed people are in this same boat… with no big screen TV on the lower deck showing live NASA TV programing
LOL
You just do the ‘Achmed the Dead Terrorist’ quote by Jeff Dunham? Haha! Good job!
hey Olivia, it’s me Heyjey. Good to see you here at least instead of on Home. While many people out there are actually complaining on how they’re unable to play their favorite online game (in most cases Black ops); im just quite frustrated that I have to endure not getting inside Home for the last 48+ hours… hehe I could care less about playing an actual game online.
Guess we all have our addictions.
It seems like Sony is yet again plagued by that “Anonymous” group for one reason or another. Let’s just hope this doesnt drag until Sunday =S
For what ever reason Sony is down, I hope you have resorted to wearing a home made big blue frog outfit!
Sony has released more info… doesn’t answer the burning question but for those who want to know”whyyyyyyyy”, here is what they are saying…
“An external intrusion on our system has affected our PlayStation Network and Qriocity services. In order to conduct a thorough investigation and to verify the smooth and secure operation of our network services going forward, we turned off PlayStation Network & Qriocity services on the evening of Wednesday, April 20th. Providing quality entertainment services to our customers and partners is our utmost priority. We are doing all we can to resolve this situation quickly, and we once again thank you for your patience.”
::whimpers::
I’m delighted to see that others had the same reaction I did: “If you can’t live it, write about it.” Welcome to the Home withdrawal support group, Olivia!
Hello… my name is Olivia and I am a Homeaholic.
And I hadn’t even finished decorating my new Blaster’s Paradise personal space.
*KLC in corner weeping* I really need Home back. :*(
There there KLC. Everything will be alright… we can make it 1 or 2 days..wait 3 day… now 4? scoot over hun, I’ll get the tissues… sniff sniff
took me forever to get the courage up to crawl to the computer. i was curled up in the fetal position weeping like a kitty under the desk. a sweat starts to break out as i realize ive almost finished all my single player games. omg, i might have to actually go back threw tomb raider trilogy to find all the hidden relics. NOOOOOOOOOOOO. oooo, then i realized all the C.O.D. and MOH boys are wandering about like zombies in the same boat. *giggle*
You laugh but I saw a 40 year old man playing army in his underwear in his front yard with his new Socom 4 riffle. I can never unsee that!!!
Great read as always Olivia! This down time should be a lesson to all of us that everything and anything is fallible, including us. The rants I have been watching and commenting on in the forum is a perfect example of this. When people get tired of wailing about the outage there they turn on each other, which to me is a true sign of immaturity. I have posted there to tell them this as well. The fact that this is a bad situation for many of us is obvious but so is that fact that it is beyond our control, so we have to grin and bear it. Whether we like this or not is irrelevant really in the scheme of things. It is what it is. We need to accept this and move on and be patient. Sony is doing the best they can under the circumstances and I hope, like all of us do I am sure, that it doesn’t take the whole holiday weekend to fix.
If we turn on each other then the terrorist win. Unless this wasn’t an attack on Sony. Like you said the reason doesn’t really matter in the big picture. I live in tornado ally’s dumpster. We can ask why are there tornado but what really matters is weathering the storm and coming out with as little damage as possible. No one(with the exception of Wii and 360 owners) is enjoying this. Turning on each other is miss placed frustration. Nothing will be gained by such foolish acts. So those idiots that are name calling should just shut up…(that was a joke btw)
To be honest… I think it was the Amish
lol
tee hee
so i go outside and realized my grass had ACTUAL TEXTURE AND I COULD FEEL IT UNDER MY FEET. i panic, and run back inside. for the next few minutes i push all my furniture into the hallway and turn to look at my now empty space, trying to figure out where to place my ‘objects’ to spruce the space up. i wonder if i can get that table to float over in the corner with a chair on top. hmmm
If you spin your couch on the ceiling in the corner by your front door you can get on your roof. Then just set your teleport pad and you are set!
LMAO!!!!!!!!! oooo, tried that with my telepads (the ones made out of cardboard with rice crispies centered nicely in the middle) except i accidentally dropped the second one in the cat dish which made it short out and light the first one on fire. that and the duct tape isnt holding the couch to the ceiling to well, the popcorn keeps sliding off the armrest………..along with my martini.
interesting combo…popcorn and martini
which is always a good joke, considering all my friends know i dont drink. WOO HOO!!! now the neighbours are looking at me funny since i put the dance floor on the roof……….ok, that and the fact my bubble machine fell off the edge into their garden. going to sneak over there tonight and see if you CAN walk around the bottom of their pool without breathing. bit bothered that my cat doesn’t stick to my side when i run down the street though. again, the funny looks. maybe its the paper mache sackboy suit i have on. i mean HEY, you know how long it took to color that puppy with crayons? i would have put my lara croft outfit on, but i get splinters when i try to shimmy up the telephone poles….that and i get chased away when i try to smash the garden gnomes in peoples gardens to find a relic inside.
I may put on my camo outfit and run through the state park and KOA taking out my frustrations on real life “campers”…(again, just joking)
Somewhere around 7AM, after staying up all night randomly trying to log in, something snapped…
The next thing I know I am in the yard in my bathrobe gathering dog poo, molding it, then painting it to look like Easter eggs as I rock back and forth blowing spit bubbles and giggling at the thought of redistributing them in the wee hours tomorrow morning. Those that know me know that this is way out of my character and I would hope that those that don’t know me could assume I wouldn’t normally be doing this. This isn’t so much a confession as it is a cry for help… in the words of Jim Carey in the movie The Mask…”SOMEBODY STOP ME!!!”
The ripple effect of some digital Winona Ryder want-a-be that walked in and stuffed a Lockwood Kitteh in there pants and walked out could be far reaching and ruin Easter. Because as we all know, the true meaning of Easter is shooting our friends faces off in Black Ops or Ska dancing in some random persons face as they sit on a bench in Central Plaza. Or at least thats what it means to me… or is it just because my head is spinning from lack of sleep and the toxic fumes coming off the dog poo Easter egg paints I am using… Dog Poo Easter Egg Paints… available at Wal-Mart, Lowes and Home Depoo! “Warning, use in well ventilated area”…good saftey tip Egon!
EASTER DROPPINGS!!! oooo, hadn’t thought of that. usually i decorate the deposits from the dog next door give to them as christmas ornaments!
You can also make great dreidels, stocking stuffers, valentines and so on. I would shy away from Mothers or Fathers day gifts or Halloween treats but thats up to you really. New Play Dew… the versatile arts and craps media for hillbillies. And thats all I have to say about that.
“No Hillbillies were actually harmed in the writing of this comment. The makers of Play dew and their parent companies Puppy Dough and Deuce Enterprises have not paid for any product placement nor is there any implied endorsement or sponsorship.”
On April 21, 2011 despite of all the cinematic evidence, Skynet did not come self aware.
Yet the PSN network went offline. Maybe it is Judgment day after all.
Come on Sara Connors, we are all getting a little tired of hearing how the Governor of California want to kill your greasy hair juvenal delinquent of a son. And if you are now saying you think PSN is becoming self aware, then I am sorry, but you have already cried wolf to many times. I don’t have time for this right now. My Dyson vacuum cleaner is speaking with an Austrian accent saying “I’ll be back” or “I don’t use bags”… can’t understand it really with that accent and all.
So, the PSN went down, and something has puzzled me since it did…where did I get these wife and kids from?
Hmmmmm…perhaps i needed the break.
:>
Funny you mention wife and kids. Anyone wanna take bets on seeing some PSN babies nine months from now?
Not touchin’ that one…I have no doubt that historians will look back and point at this week as the root of one of the greatest population growths of the last couple of centuries :>
If you think about it, the stereotype of the person that is on PSN would indicate that there will not be a PSN outage baby boom… just saying…lol
I agree Olivia, but there ARE a lot of twenty and thirty somethings in here too, you never know. LOL
I posted this comment on other stories but wanted it to be seen here as well…
I love my ps3! I have had every gaming system that has been sold in the US. I often tell people that ask me what gaming system to get that, for the price of a good blueray player, get the ps3 because you get one of the best blueray players and the best gaming platform and its a web browser and image viewer and so much more. I have spent countless hours on my ps3. the first few years I had it I lived out in the country on a lake and internet was not available or to costly to justify so I wasn’t on PSN. I still would and did recommend ps3s to anyone and everyone. No one has been more upset then me that I haven’t been able to log on. I spend over 8 hours a day every day on PSN. My best friends are on there. I drink coffie with my very best friend every morning while we chat about everything under the sun. She in Hawaii and me in Texas. Countless hours I have lived, loved and laughed on PSN. So many days, weeks and months spent on PSN and it has changed me for the better. So, if Sony was attacked and had to take actions to protect them selfs and me, then how can I fault them. And if it was because they cut corners or dropped the ball…oh well. They have earned my loyalty! It is easy to get frustrated and I am. It is easy to misplace that frustration and make it anger, and I have. But to turn that anger on Sony is something I can not do. They didn’t have to make PSN free, or give us Home. Like I said before, “it doesn’t matter how many teeth this gift horse has.” I subscribe to DCUO and PSN Plus so I am not receiving services I have paid for. I have been out of touch with so many friends that I only contacted on my ps3. I haven’t been able to sit in CP and help the random masses, something I get more out of then the people I help. This has cost me as much as anyone on PSN. Yet, I will wait, maybe not so patiently and maybe I have overdone it with all my comments here on HSM. But the value that I get from everything PSN and namely Home, I know that no matter how long or the costs (with in reason)I will wait. And when its time for me to log back on and reunite with my friends and fun, it will still be worth it.
Sony, no matter what the reason for all this, I still thank you from the depths of my heart for this wonderful new world you have given us!
i agree with you comepletely, and no, you havent overdone your comments, not by a long shot. lol. lil mouse