Fake Your Way Through It: Stargate Universe

Oh boy. At least we didn’t need to start with “what is science fiction?” But the most basic thing you need to know is that there’s an ancient device called the Stargate that allows near instantaneous travel from one point to another by unlocking a series of chevrons (or symbols) on the gate. The tech, created by the aptly named Ancients is run on Earth by the U.S. Military, in secret, as they explore the universe and it’s wonders.

BS to Impress: Stargates are all about 22 feet in diameter, weigh 64,000 pounds and are made of a mineral called “naqahdah.” Actually, I don’t know if this will “impress” so much as “get you beat up by jocks.”

Okay, so there’s this one Stargate, right? And it’s even more ancient and powerful than the Stargates on Earth. Just when the military finally unlocks an unprecedented ninth chevron, an alien race attacks. The only hope for the mix of military, civilians and government officials on the base is to escape through wherever the Stargate opened up to. This turns out to be an Ancient spacecraft called Destiny, which is on autopilot, broken and a billion miles from home. It also doesn’t have enough power to open a plot device back to Earth. Sorry, I said “plot device,” when I meant “Stargate.”

BS to Impress:  Destiny is mostly self-sufficient. In fact, whenever it runs out of power, it plunges itself into the heart of a sun to refuel. It’s original purpose was to seed Stargates to other worlds, then return to the Ancients.

Though the crew got stranded from Earth, they can visit home nearly any time they want by using Ancient communication stones. Just place the stones on a tiny little tablet, and boom, you’re there. The only catch is, you’ve Quantum Leap-ed into the body of a military official hanging out near communication stones on Earth. So, your brain, their body – and vice versa. This leads to a lot of weird sex. No, I’m not joking.

BS to Impress: The device on SGU is much smaller than in previous series. Where it’s now a small box with five stones, it used to be a dome shaped device with a large crystal spire, and twelve stones. It also wasn’t used all the freaking time.

There’s a lot of minor conflicts in SGU, and a ton of characters running around. The most important one – and the only one you won’t be able to figure out in two seconds – is between Colonel Young and Nicholas Rush. To make this simple: Young is Admiral Adama, but younger, and more unsure of himself (and not Edward James Olmos); Rush is Gaius Balter, but way more effective, and less whiny. Rush (Robert Carlyle), a scientist devoted to Stargates and Ancient tech, tricked everyone into the Stargate, causing this whole mess. He also has repeatedly manipulated the crew, and Young in particular, finally pushing the Colonel too far. When last we left them, Young had pummeled Rush, and left him for dead on a deserted planet – though next to an alien spaceship that’s faster than Destiny, and can only be fixed by Rush. So I have this weird feeling we’ll be seeing him again.

BS to Impress: This isn’t he first space set scifi show Robert Carlyle has been on: as a child, he actually appeared on Star Trek: The Original Series.