Final Fantasy: What We Learned

I'm not entirely sure why mounted police officers sided with transportation of the horse variety, because if Final Fantasy has taught me anything, it's that giant yellow birds are the way to go. These guys are fast, light on their feet and resilient. Have you ever seen an armored Chocobo? Those guys are fierce. They can't fly, but, like penguins, it's because they choose not to.

Instead, the skills of the Chocobo are wasted on educational, children's television. What? What do you think Big Bird is?

Seriously, why not? You can even buy those fancy fingerless gloves so you can still use your tablet. Whatever the case may be, I've learned that my hands should never be bare at any point in the day. Even when I lie down for bed, I'm keeping those bad boys on. Apparently, the greatest heroes to ever come into existence gain power through their leather, cloth or metal mittens.

Why? Honestly, if you're asking why, you're wasting potentially valuable time where you could be wearing gloves.

Do yourself a favor, don't fall in love. Everyone you ever care about will die a horrible, grisly death and it'll be all your fault. You'll continue to blame yourself and the thoughts will consume you and ruin your life.

Actually, scratch that. Love is your greatest weapon. If you need to take someone out, just fall in love with them. Apparently, this will cause them to die a horribly pointless death. Love thy enemy, for it will get him killed sooner or later.

Also, act like a total dick to everyone you care about. This will ensure their safety. Thus, is the life of a warrior.

Before saddling up on your giant, bipedal bird for a dangerous adventure, rally the troops. Gather your friends, enlist the help of powerful strangers and find people who know their way around a weapon. The more people you have at your disposal, the more of a chance you have at having the right person for the right job. By job, I mean every asshole has a weakness, so if you have a dozen people on your side, maybe one of them is good at taking this particular version of asshole down.

It goes without saying theirs strength in numbers, but Final Fantasy also proves that the only way you're taking down your horrible boss at work is with a party of at least three.