Then there’s Josh,the team leader.Joshhasa thickbeard
and biceps you could cut bread on. “I grew up havingmy
diaperchanged inacanoe,”hesays.HeunsheatheshisBear
Gryllsknife—eachofushasbeen issuedoneof these—and
shows us what not to dowith it, such as whittling in the
vicinity of your lap. “The femoral artery is here,”he says,
pointing. “You cut this, andmy credibility spills out with
your blood.”Oh, Josh.
Anyhow.We’ve covered not stabbing ourselves in the
groin,but there’smore.For instance,when it’sdarkandwe
need togo,weshould findourselvesa“poobuddy.”We learn
that thebarkof a silver birchmakes goodkindling,and so
do certain feminine hygiene products. (Later, I will find
myself ina rainstorm,hunchedover apileof sodden twigs,
shouting,“Ineeda tampon!”)Also,we shouldn’tcarry food,
as thiswill attractbears.Ah,yes,about that:“You’llbeokay,”
Josh says.“Though chipmunks are a concern.”
Therestoftheday isspentbuildingashelter,findingwater
and learningwhat intheforest isOKtoeat.Hemlockneedles
arenice.Wood sorrel,whichhas a lemony tang, isdelicious.
But the big fat earthworm, even after you’ve squeezed the
matter out of its digestive system, is an acquired taste. I eat
mine likeanoyster:headback,wiggle-wiggle,gulp.Nextup
isa large,maggoty-lookingmealworm,which isdetermined
not togo inmymouth.I can almost hear itsdesperate cries
as itwrithesbetween fingerand lip.But in itgoes.Chew,pop!
The light is fading,and the foresthas settled intoaheavy
lull, the green-gold air thickwith themusk of decay and
regeneration.Atmoments like this you can seewhypeople
aredrawn to thebackwoods.There’s a sense that your edges
are becoming less defined, that you are somehow a part of
all this,whichmaybeasclose to spiritualityas someone like
mecanget.Josh squatsdownandgivesusaprimeron traps.
“Your trapdoesoneof four things,”he says:“tangle,mangle,
dangleor strangle.”Amen.
Back at camp, we light a fire (using flint: nomatches
allowed) and speculate about dinner. Food is a constant
preoccupation for all of us,because there’s never enoughof
it. “We’re not going to let you starve,” Jeff had said, “but
we’llgetascloseaspossible.”He’sherenow,holdingarabbit
(mangled). “We should put its head on a stick,”I say, after
we’ve finishedhacking it up,“as awarning toother rabbits.”
Wecook thebunnyanddoleout the leathery flesh,along
witha fewonions.Later,among flitting fireflies, Igoback to
thespotwherewe’dcleaned it,which looks likeacrimescene.
About50feetbeyondthespatter istheshelterwebuiltearlier.
I’ve calleddibsonbeing theperson to sleep in it.
Nah.
PHOTOGRAPHYBY IKEEDEANI
Scarpa Rebel Lite GTX Boots
Tough and life-savingly grippy.
$390
Moscot Gelt Frames
Super-stylish frames held up to the rigors of
thewild better than I did.
Frames, $250;
clip-on shades, $85
Ecoths McKinney V-Neck Tee
Lightweight and gratifyingly flattering.
$42
Fjällräven Abisko Fleece Hoodie
Stretchy, snug fleecewent everywhere.
$250
Fjällräven Vidda Pro Trousers
Durable, many-pocketed confidence-builders.
$150
Granite Gear Cross-Trek 32”
Wheeled Duffel
The best way to get all that gear to the hills.
$210
Fjällräven Abisko Lite Trousers
Strong, quick-drying and pliable.
$170
Fjällräven Hatfield Hat
This sunhat doubled as a face-concealerwhen the
tears of terror started to flow.
$50
Fjällräven Ovik Lite Jacket
Goosedown stuffing, super-soft lining and heaps
of style.
$325
Fjällräven Anorak No. 9
Rain?What rain?
$450
Vasque InhalerMid GTX Boots
Comfortable and inventively ventilated.
$390
Aulta SeawardWatch
Durable andwater resistant to100meters—
perfect waterfall wear.
$85
WICKINGMAN
If I had one advantage on this (mis)adventure, it was
great gear. Here, the stuff that kept me going.
Hemispheres’ newly
mintedwoodsman
sporting the items
highlightedbelow
CONTINUEDONPAGE82
»
“Sleep does not come easy:
There are roots digging into me,
a cold wind on my face and, from
the looming trees, the sound of
bears sharpening their claws.”
ep d
