stay alive. A slight incline (puff, wheeze) leads us to a
steeper, scree-topped incline (slip, scratch),which leads
to a 30-foot vertical. “Ooo-eee!”
Jeff ’s gone off somewhere, so I grab a dangling rope
and start climbing, navigating the nacho-size toeholds
with the dexterity of a baby giraffe. About three life-
times later I make it up, quivering and bleeding, and
offer a breathy hello to the instructors. Claire, who
is English and in her early 30s, chides me for climb-
ing without a helmet and harness, but is otherwise
extremely friendly.Will,from justoutsideNewYorkCity,
is also extremely friendly. Come to think of it, Jeff is
extremely friendly too.Must be the air.
Heading back to camp, Claire tells me about the
northern copperhead,oneof twodeadly snakes out here.
“That bite is fatal prettyquickly,”she saysbrightly.“You’d
need about 20 vials of antidote.” I ask her why, in the
interest of saving time, the doctors don’t just have one
large vial of antidote. “It’s like those fiddly little coffee
creamers,” I continue. “By the time theyre done going
rip-rip-rip, you’re dead.”Claire doesn’t respond. Can’t
say I blame her.
I wake at dawn,
after a night spent interpreting a
repertoireof sounds—the rain rappingon theyurt-top,the
forest groaning beyond the flimsy walls.Outside, Imeet
a whitetailed deer. “Blurgh!”he barks, like someone with
tonsillitis stubbing a toe, and runs off.Maybe he saw the
trowel inmyhand andwanted togiveme someprivacy.
Soon I’ll bemeetingmy fellow survivors. I’m hoping
at least one of themwill be less suited to thewilds than I
am—maybe someonewithawooden leg.But,as thegroup
assembles for abriefing, it quicklybecomes clearwho’ll be
playing the roleof lumpenoaf in this adventure story.
There areKevin, Jonathan and James, all earlymiddle-
agedand reasonablyathletic.There’sbabyfaced,hyperactive
Paul.There’spint-sizeCarmen,whobelongs toamountain-
climbing club.And there’s Juan,who’s fromBogotá. Juan
lookspromising—he’sabit shortandhasawispymustache.
“Iwas aboy scout,”he says,“for eight to10years.”Rats!
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