Misc.
60 AMERICANWAY
FEBRUARY 15 2009
Just becauseNBA stars canmake buzzer-
beaters from 20 feet out doesn’t mean
they can rap.But that doesn’t stopmany
of them from trying.By ZacCrain
DOUBLE
DRIBBLING
INTHEHISTORYOF
basketball-to-rapcrossovercareers, there
isperhapsone success: JayceonTerrell Taylor (better knownby
his rap alias, the Game), who played high school ball with cur-
rent Los Angeles Clippers point guardBaronDavis and turned
to rhyming only after losing his college scholarship. But when
it comes to players who havemade it all theway to the NBA,
therearenowinners—onlyvaryingdegreesof losers. (Theone
possible exception is Philadelphia 76ers forward Elton Brand,
who is reportedly sittingonabout fourfinishedalbums of qual-
itymaterial but as of yet has declined to release any of it.)
To help you understandwhatwemean, we’ve compiled this
short mix of songs by NBA stars who have tried their hand
at recording careers. You can find most of these tracks on
YouTube, butwewould suggest you take ourword for it.
TRACK ARTIST SOUNDS
LIKE
SCOUTINGREPORT
FOUL
TROUBLE
“What’sUpDoc?
(CanWeRock?)” (1993)
“FlowOn” (1994)
“40Bars” (2000)
“Fever” (2006)
“K.O.B.E.” (2000)
“What theKiddDidd”
(1994)
Fu-Schnickens,
featuringShaquille
O’Neal (Shaq-Fu)
CedricCeballos,
featuringWarrenG
Allen Iverson,
a.k.a. Jewelz
RonArtest
KobeBryant,
featuringTyraBanks
JasonKidd,
featuringMoneyB
Das EFX’s Skoob
with a head
cold and a
pituitary problem
Ageneric club
track in a party
scene of a
straight-to-DVD
movie
A lesser
member of
G-Unit in
a badmood
Anymember of
Three6Mafia,
with explicit
instructions to rap
about only himself
Hip-hop
kryptonite
Vanilla Ice
“As a rap album,
ShaqDiesel
falls short, but as a super-
star novelty, ShaquilleO’Neal’s album is not terribly
embarrassing. O’Neal is fairly adept at twisting his tongue
aroundmostly banal rhymes, and the beats arefine. But the
album isn’t all that interesting, either.” —AllMusicGuide
“Much likeCedric’s career, this track ismildly
entertaining then instantly forgettable.”
—DJ LeonSmith, Relax andTakeNotes blog
“The lyrics … are coarse, offensive, and antisocial.
Whatever constitutional rights of free speech an individual
may have, there is no constitutional right to participate in
theNBA, and I have the power … to disqualify playerswho
engage in offensive conduct— including inappropriate
speech.” —DavidStern, NBA commissioner
“Surprisingly, Artest has a smooth, competent flow
anddoesn’t embarrass himself lyrically. As it turns out,
his rapgame is a lot like his hoopgame— not flashy,
but fundamentally sound.” —KyleAnderson,
Spin
“Kobe tries to emulate [ShaquilleO’Neal’s] strategy
of letting his guests do the heavy lifting here, although
picking the
America’sNext TopModel
host as his
shrieking foil— and not as, say, arm candy—was
a gravemistake.” —Maura Johnston, Idolator.com
“We’re here to focus on howmuch JayKidd
loves
to
party. Andwhen he throws a party, you could not compare
saidparty to any other party— themain difference
being that a JayKiddparty does
not
stop. …Put that love
of partying to a beat delivered straight fromDr. Dre’s
early-1990s beat factory and you’re on to a real winner
of a track.” —Anton, Trees theSport Count blog
4
4
2
3
6
(Fouled out)
Ejected in the
first quarter
