Kim Jong-Il's Weird Moments

One of the most awesome things about being a dictator of a totalitarian state is that you can basically claim anything you want is true. So when Kim Jong-Il became the bossman of North Korea, the first thing he did was have the schoolbooks rewritten to correct some... misinformation. Like the misinformation about whether he goes to the bathroom. According to Kim's official doctrine, the Dear Leader never pees or poops, because he's beyond that.

Kim Jong-Il's mastery of anything he sets his mind to is well-known by all good citizens of the DPRK. When the tiny tyrant decided that he needed to play golf, he quickly became the best golfer the world has ever known. In his first game ever, Kim shot a staggering 38 under par at a PGA-regulated 18 hole course, including 5 holes in one. This is 25 shots better than the best golf game ever played by anyone, ever. Kim's natural aptitude for the game led him to give it up out of concern for fairness.

For a guy who stood something like four foot nothing, Kim Jong-Il really had a hate on for short people. The Dear Leader would typically wear four inch platform shoes when he ventured out in public. When he decided to do something about the tiniest members of his society, he did it in typically insane Kim fashion - by distributing pamphlets claiming to have invented a "wonder drug" that would make short people grow. When interested shorties showed up to try the drug, Kim had the military police ship them off to prison camps.

If there's one thing that North Korea loves to do, it's kidnap people. The Hermit Kingdom recruits new talent the old-fashioned way: by putting a bag on their heads and shipping them to Dear Leader. With Kim Jong-Il's legendary love of the movies, it's not surprising that he'd try to get some directors of his own, and in the late 70s he snatched a pair of South Korean filmmakers and kept them in the country for years, forcing them to make films based on his crazy ideas. They managed to escape and tell their stories - and then make the 3 Ninjas movies. Freedom!