Fictional Character New Year's Resolutions

So the whole deal in Skyrim is that you're an Important Dude (or lady) - you're the Dragonborn, you have special powers, you can do all kinds of crap. So why do you let the freaking Jarls of the world order you around? These tinpot dictators love to send you running all over the world taking care of messes for them, when really you should be spending more time punching bears and stealing cheeses. For 2012, let's have the Dragonborn just flip the bird to those bossy Jarls and go into business for themself.

One of the best flicks of the year was Drive, the Ryan Gosling-starring flick about a dude who... drives. But let's be frank, folks: we're starting to approach Peak Oil, where the Earth's natural resources will no longer be able to support our rapacious consumption. We're not going to be able to tear around Los Angeles in muscle cars much longer. The Driver needs to step up to the plate in 2010 and get himself an electric car, or at least a hybrid. Maybe a Nissan Leaf? I've heard those are cute. He can paint a scorpion on the hood.

The man known as Heisenberg is at a crossroads in his life - with former boss Gustavo Fring blown to gory mess-hood, is he going to keep cooking that sweet, sweet meth? Or is it time for Walter White to settle down? I doubt he'll take our advice, but the writing is on the wall for Walt: open up Craigslist and find yourself something that requires a little less homicide. Sure, the show will be boring, but whatevs. I'm sure something will come up.

2011 saw Duke Nukem blast his way back into the world of gaming - and fall flat on his face. Let's be frank: the world isn't like it was when Duke made his debut. And Duke Nukem Forever turned out to be an embarrassment of dated gameplay and pointless sexism. So maybe Duke should head on down to the local YWCA and sit in on some sisterhood meetings. A woman gave birth to you, after all, and if you can't respect that it might be time to hang up the sunglasses and go back to flinging your poo against the bathroom wall.