WWE Monday Night Raw 1/9/2012 - The Good, The Bad And The Ugly

In today's world of increasingly self-aware professional wrestling, it gets harder and harder to think of decent motivations for heels, especially ones capable of getting the fans to forget that the person they're booing is just a dude pulling a paycheck. So, in a way, it's refreshing that Kane doesn't want a title, fame or even revenge - he's just stridently pro-hate, and anti-rising-above-the-same. There's even a Ron Paul joke in there somewhere if you care to find it.

An engine of senseless destruction and rage can work just fine as an antagonist as seen in pretty much every horror movie ever. But in order for the menace to come off as convincing, the villain needs to be silent, or at the very least enigmatic in what his motivations are. If Kane just emerged and attacked John Cena and/or Zack Ryder each week with limited explanation that story could be hell of compelling - the guy's a monster and he doesn't really need any motivation beyond that. But by having Kane spew out nonsensical, rambling, confusing (though well-delivered) promos each week, WWE just muddies the waters of the feud while making Kane seem like a pyromaniac therapist, which is a concept better suited for a shitty Showtime drama than pro-wrestling.

This week, WWE crammed all it's hyper-ethnic characters (OK, most all of them - the black guys all came out later) into a single wackadoo tag team match. Ostensibly the match pitting Sheamus & Santino Marella against Wade Barrett & Jinder Mahal was set to promote the Royal Rumble, but that only barely came across in commentary and not at all in the match itself. Sheamus could have at least tried to toss everyone over the top rope at the end, or maybe even have some kind of issue with his partner, Santino.

Even worse than the time-killing nature of the contest, however, was the fact that we had to watch it instead of an actual tag team match. WWE is currently building some type of angle with Air Boom and Primo & Epico, with the Usos tag team also waiting in the ring. As much as I loved seeing Daniel Bryan get a win over Kofi Kingston tonight (more on that later), I would have preferred to see the World Heavyweight Champion beat someone else while Kingston appeared in action with his fake weed smoking tag team partner, Evan Bourne.

Tonight, John Laurinaitis told a worried Miz, "I'm not Little Jimmy. I'm Big Johnny." and I'm not ashamed to say that I legit LOLed. Laurinaitis is evolving into a bizarre type of authority figure heel, simultaneously cagey and bumbling. Part of what makes it all work is his off-kilter promo delivery - I can't tell if they're wacky on purpose or just because he's actually kind of confused. Either way, it's great. So great in fact, that David Otunga's coffee-slurping presence irritates me less and less.

While savvy Internet wrestling news readers have known for months about WWE's plans to induct Alberto Del Rio's uncle Mil Mascaras into the promotion's Hall of Fame, tonight marked the first time that WWE programming announced names for the Class of 2012. The first name announced on television was that of Edge, and while I personally think it might be a little too soon, especially given the fact that it's becoming a habit to induct people immediately upon retiring, only a complete maniac would argue with the merit of the actual decision. The other name was actually that of a stable, The Four Horsemen, which more than anything reminded me of how shocking it is that Arn Anderson hasn't already been inducted in the Hall of Fame.

Conspicuous by his absence, however, is a name that many fans, myself included, considered a shoe-in for this year's Hall of Fame class: the late, great "Macho Man" Randy Savage. For years, rumors have persisted about Vince McMahon's hatred of Savage, with many chalking the enmity up to a sexual relationship the wrestler had with a young Stephanie McMahon, but recent years had seen things relax enough that Savage appeared in WWE toy lines and even video games. Plus, Savage's death received a huge amount of mainstream coverage this year, and have you ever known McMahon to shy away from publicity or the opportunity to sell tickets?