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Best Archer Jokes

Every episode of Archer is packed with more than a handful of legendary jokes, but we have the 11 biggest laughs from seasons 1, 2 and the beginning of season 3!


We're treated to a brand new episode of Archer today and fans cannot wait another second to tune in to one of the best animated shows around. The secret agent's sarcastic and arrogant ways always have my cheeks hurting (phrasing!) from non-stop laughter. His ego is so large that cancer was literally the only thing capable of taking it down a notch. But, as hilarious and foolish as Sterling Archer might be, his supporting cast is every bit as ridiculous and has dished out more than a fair amount of ROFL moments for us. With only 11 jokes, there's no way all of your favorites will have made the cut. So when you're done reading, be sure to share your favorite Archer jokes in the comments section at the bottom of the page! And now the moment you've been waiting for, the best Archer jokes.

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Archer
Credit: Courtesy of FX

Ocelot

"I've never seen an ocelot before!!!" "You guys, look at his little spots! Look at his tufted ears!" We've seen Archer cover a wide range of emotions, but seeing him happy over meeting Cheryl's pet is adorably hysterical. The dwarf leopard warmed our hearts and tried to claw its way into Archer's, too. And how can anyone forget Archer calling the bland room "meow-schwitz." Here's hoping we see more of Babou in the rest of Season 3.

 

Nick Furious
Credit: Courtesy of FX

Nick Furious

Voiced by Patrick Warburton and looking exactly like Marvel's Nick Fury, Rip Ripley was the ultimate badass in Archer. A previous lover of Malory Archer (but honestly, who isn't?), Ripley was called in to find and bring back her son after he went missing. The two end up on Pirate Island (it's a shame they didn't call it "whore island") and the whole time I'm thinking "if that guy only had one eye he'd be just like Nick Fury!" Bam! He gets stabbed in the eye and Archer calls him "Nick Furious." Epic reference is epic.

Archer
Credit: Courtesy of FX

Fort Kick-Ass

Doctor Krieger is a grade-A certified creeper. He comes equipped with his own sketchy van and created virtual girlfriends (RIP the first one). The best part is he's referred to as "Doctor" despite not having a doctoral degree of any kind. Needless to say, the possible clone of Adolf Hitler has had his fair share of funny, flarked up moments. But, nothing in his history tops stacking cardboard boxes and saying "I'm sorry, are you addressing me? Because your authority is not recognized in Fort Kick-ass!"

Archer
Credit: Courtesy of FX

Barry

Barry was the cruel victim of an ongoing joke, but the competitive agent finally got his sweet revenge. The ODIN agent fell from great heights not once, but twice. And, the best part is Archer could have prevented both (or at least tried to) and didn't. Revamped by the KGB to become "Cyborg Barry," he finally gets to turn the tide on Archer. In just one scene, Barry owns Archer by killing his lover and new wife (Katya) and being able to walk away from his 3rd fall. "1 for 3 off the roof, bitch!"

 

 

Archer
Credit: Courtesy of FX

Archer's Ringtone

Sterling Archer's ringtone is quite possibly one of the most ludicrous and hilarious songs I have ever heard. Horribly repetitive yet beyond catchy, this ridiculous tune can get trapped in your head for days. Just be sure not to sing it out loud in public and if you're one of the brave ones who made this your actual ringtone, odds are you should always leave your phone on silent or vibrate at work. Always.

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