For the second time in less than a decade, Hostess Brands has filed for bankruptcy, and our seemingly endless supply of "Fruit" Pies, Sno Balls, Twinkies and those deadly-delicious chocolate cupcakes with the little white swirls on top are threatened to vanish from convenience stores and gas stations once and for all. Granted, you could easily point to the fact that we as a nation have collectively started eating healthier, or that costs associated with producing the treats have most likely skyrocketed given the current economy, but quite frankly, we here at UGO are placing the blame solely on these 11 super-lame villains from those old school Hostess comic book ads (Oh what, you don't think Captain America and Green Lantern's time would've been better served fighting Big Business' take down of Hostess rather than the The Ding-A-Ling Family?!).
Worst Hostess Comic Villains
Hostess Brands has filed for bankruptcy, and our supplies of "Fruit" Pies, Sno Balls, Twinkies and those delicious chocolate cupcakes are threatened to vanish from convenience stores once and for all. We here at UGO are placing the blame on these 11 super-lame villains from Hostess comic book ads.
 |
By Casey Seijas January 19, 2012 |
The Ding-A-Ling Family |
Okay, so The Ding-A-Ling Family wind up in outer space in their -- what is that, a flying rail car? -- determined to "hornswoggle" Thor ("hornswoggle" apparently means "shoot with a shotgun"). As usual, there's a plate of Hostess Fruit Pies on hand (which is even more absurd since Volstagg is sitting right there) which distract the Family long enough for the mighty Asgardians to win the battle. And the joke's on the Ding-A-Ling Family because none of them are possum or moonshine flavored pies, because everyone from the south are inbred hillbillies, get it? Oh comics from the 1970's -- stereotypes will never die, thanks to you!
The Home Wrecker |
Who are you trying to kid here, Marvel/Hostess? Maybe we're wrong, but the term "home wrecker" can't be that new to the vernacular. Everyone knows what a home wrecker is, and only in the most literal terms is it some disgruntled yahoo with a wrecking ball (who, last time we checked, was called Absorbing Man). Sounds to me like whoever wrote this was holding a grudge, or won a bet that they could get a villain named "Home Wrecker" into a published comic book.
Legal Eagle |
Oh no, that ain't the longtime Spidey villain, Vulture, that's Ralph G. Fake, a.k.a. Legal Eagle, a criminal lawyer who can transform into a monster eagle...at will! Alright, two things: 1. was ILLEGAL Eagle already taken, because it seems like a no brainer, and 2. you could've just left this guy as a plain ol' lawyer, and no one would've seen a difference between that and a horrible monster. Anyway, Spider-Man throws some Hostess cupcakes at him, and it somehow turns him back into his alter ego. He gets arrested, pleads insanity, gets off on a technicality... and then sues Spider-Man for defamation. The United States legal system, FTW!
Monotony Man |
Look, we're gonna get behind Monotony Man here and support his cause. Sure, his power is taking fun things -- such as disco dancing with Tony Stark -- and making them boring and gray (literally), but his main goal is ruining the "fun" of April Fools Day. If ever there was a holiday that needed to be completely ruined (besides New Years Eve and Valentines Day), it's that miserable, anxiety-filled day where you're waiting on the office jackass to pull some lame prank on you.
Cousin Betsy, The Plant Lady |
A tongue-in-cheek, one-page adventure pitting the Hulk against Marvel's significantly less sexy answer to Poison Ivy, or a subliminal message from the Hostess people to get kids to hate vegetables? Oh sure, Cousin Betsy, The Plant Lady can talk to all plants and make them do her bidding, but whom does she call upon to take out the Green Goliath? An artichoke. You're not fooling anyone here, Hostess!
