These fabled Ugnaughts delivered probably the only spit-take funny
moment in the entire trilogy, albeit completely unintentionally. While
it's true that you definitely expect the unexpected when watching a
movie that boasts more aliens and monsters than even the most vivid
acid-induced dreams, but there's simply no way to prepare for a bunch of
little pigs in smocks walking around Cloud City in The Empire
Strikes Back. Everytime I see them debut, I crack up. Their looks
are only scratching the comedic surface though - how the hell did George
pen these guys in? At what point did something in his crazy little head
tell him that Lando not only needed a bald cyborg robot man, but also a
horde of grey-clothed pigs whose jobs seem to be ripping apart droids
and pushing various buttons in the carbonate chamber?
When I was a kid, I could never quite understand if these things were
supposed to be heroes or villains. I didn't quite grasp the concept of
victims of circumstance, or grey-area characters...and to be honest,
even today I refuse to go that deep when thinking about f*cking
Ugnaughts. On one hand, we saw them force Chewbacca to play
Wookie-in-the-middle with C-3P0's head...but on the other hand, they
were only doing their job. On one hand, they aided Vader in turning Han
Solo into a sexy statue...but on the other hand, I don't imagine many
2.5' pigs being able to protest much to the Lord of the Sith. I don't
think Vader could be swayed away from acting like such a vindictive
cockface by a bunch of artsy pig midgets. I understand that we all love
Han, but we can't expect the Ugnaughts to sacrifice themselves for a guy
who'd probably make fun of them in passing.
Fate & Status: After the Empire renegged on their prior agreement
with Lando Calrissian, it's likely that most of the Ugnaughts tried to
get off the planet. Where they'd go and what they'd do, I have
absolutely no idea. Theoretically they could masquerade as Jawas, but
Ugnaughts are pretty unproven in the field of used Droid sales.
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