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November 18, 2010
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Jumanji |
Judy and Peter Outrun a Stampede
Judy and Peter barely escape with their lives when a bunch of wild animals stampede through their home. That's really nothing compared to what it's like to be at a department store when it opens on Black Friday. At least the animals will eat your lifeless, trampled body. There's no circle of life at Walmart.
Aliens |
Newt is Held in the Alien Colony
Little girl Newt throws a fit when she's dragged off by the aliens, but that's only because she doesn't realize how fun the whole thing is going to be. It's always nice to feel like you're a part of something, whether it be a club, a gang, or a Giger-ian bio-mass of rotting corpses and pulsating black goo whose only purpose is to serve a queen.
The Jungle Book |
Mowgli is Hypnotized by Kaa
Kaa is a man-eating snake that hypnotizes his prey with his swirly eyes before devouring them. My friend's pet snake must do the same thing to him, minus the eating part, because I can't think of any other reason why he would think having a giant snake in his house is a good idea.
Labyrinth |
Baby Toby is Kidnapped by the Goblin King
It's only just desserts for Sarah, the teenage protagonist of Labyrinth, to have her baby brother stolen from her by David Bowie. How many good, upstanding, Conservative parents have had their daughters taken from them by the warblings of that stardust-spouting cat-eyed bard? It's about time one of them learns what it feels like to have the one you love stolen from you by a 70s pop sensation.
Jurassic Park |
Tim and Lex are Cornered in the Kitchen
You never expect to end up in a life-threatening situation when you go to a theme park. Unless, of course, you go to Six Flags on Bring Your Daughter to Work Day. I'm no safety inspector, but I don't think they should let those little girls operate Superman: the Ride. They never even check if I'm belted in.